Sad Banana # 8 "The Fall"

Superman's Weakness: Kyropnite

The Fall

I made it a few steps out the door and then BOOM I hit the floor. I couldn't get up. I couldn't feel my legs. I was numb from the waist down. My legs felt detached from my body. This wasn't the first time this has happened. I tried staying calm but fear overcame my thoughts. This has been happening on a weekly basis. I call it The Curse of the Christopher Reeves Dump. It's where your sitting on the toilet for so long that you feel paralyzed from the waist down. Your blood flow decreases as tingling increases to the point you can't walk. It's a sensation that's unexplainable yet only felt by sitting on the toilet for more than an half and hour (it's the kryponite of sh*tting).

My Weakness: The Toliet

I laid on the floor not more than two steps from the bathroom in awkward pain. I was rolling on floor laughing (rofl) as I tried to gain feeling back in my leg. I laid there for a few minutes thinking... will I ever walk again? I mustered up the courage to get up and stand on my own 2 feet. I felt like Forest Gump when he broke away from his knee brace and learned how to run. It was a miracle! My life was back on track and I could walk.

Prevent future injuries

I'm thinking of having a wheelchair in the bathroom for future incidents. Luckily, I walked away with no major injuries. It could've been worse, I could've broken a leg to pooping. That would've been a horrible way to break a leg. Don't let The Curse of Christopher Reeves attack while your on the porcelain. There are no common similarities in his victims as he is likely to strike anyone who sits on the toilet for an extended period of time. No matter what age, gender, race, or religious beliefs you have. Pray all you want but The Curse of Christopher Reeves can't be undone... (or you just eat a diet rich in fiber and cut the time your on the toilet in half)

Sad Banana # 7 Peaceful Gluttony

Peaceful Gluttony

A lonely man's headquarters.

What's the loneliest/creepiest thing you can do in life? Go to a bar alone? Go to movie alone? No, it's going to a Chinese Buffet by yourself.  It is a very lonesome yet humbling experience. It's on a whole new level of shame and humility. I see it like this... the self conscious lonely person would order take out a because they would be too way embarrassed to eat alone. Then they would retreat back to their dungeon of meekness to disgustingly eat their meal as if no one is looking (because no one is looking). However, the proud loner doesn't give a "F" and displays their isolation with pride. They have no qualms about going to a restaurant alone. Apparently, I'm secure to eat a Chinese Buffet by myself. Although I wasn't “alone” per say, even though I was “alone”. There were several other cheerless buffet goers who had gone by themselves. I ended up counting 4 other losers eating alone. This place was a hub of lonely people as us lonely folk outnumbered the socially inclined.

Gluttony in its finest hour!!!!

In a confident way I felt safe, comfortable, and accepted among the meek. I'm not sure if it was the Vitamin B pill I took before the buffet or if it's my overall relaxed demeanor that made me feel okay with eating alone? It's like I'm content with becoming a creep who stays to himself. I mean I was in my safe place. My comfort zone. I chatted up the manager and we became friends on a first name basis. He told me he would take care of me next time I came in. Hopefully, I will be able to go with another human next time so he doesn't think I'm a certified loser.

Me 20 years from now.

I ended up downing 3 plates of food, 2 cups of soup, and a few waters. I was there for an hour and a half. Not 30 minutes like most regular patrons but an 1 HOUR 30 MINUTES! I saw many lonesome outcasts slowly drag their feet in the door to get their sesame chicken and fried won tons. I've never seen gluttony in such a graceful yet gloomy way. I would definitely eat here alone again. This buffet has a great ambiance that makes it very comfortable for the loner to eat by themselves. I would recommend this place to all who eat in solitude. I give this place 2 creepy thumbs up.