Bloggy Smloggy 49

Intro/Muffin Top

I've noticed when I wear slim fitting jeans, I have a muffin top. It's not any ole muffin top, but it's a nice girthy muffin top. It actually made me feel like a self conscious white girl. It must be tough being a self conscious white girl because now I know how they feel. Now, I'm super self conscious when I sit a certain way because my stomach fat sticks way out. I blame the media, magazines, and the Barbie doll. I feel so inferior because the media makes me feel like my body isn't good enough. I'm going to make myself puke now, blahhhhhhhhh.

My New Click (Clique)

I'm starting a new band, club, and/or gang. Let me know if you want to be part of it. It's an elite club of hard heads with true grit. It's called the Rub Club, it's like the Navy Seals of jerking it. It's more like the Muslim Extremists of cranking it because we don't take no for an answer. We are an elitist group that uses military technique to jack off with passion. Let it be known, the Rub Club is here for the takeover!

BJ Rewards Card

Every successful business has a rewards card to keep the customer coming back; Best Buy, Qdoba, and Subway. They usually give you discounts after you have bought so many items. Well, I think there should be a Blow Job Rewards Card. For example, you get 9 BJ's and the 10^th one you get to blow it on her face.

Joystick

Have you ever played the game Joystick? Probably not, because it's a game I made up. Joystick is a game played with yourself. You don't need a ball, accessories, or any sports equipment. All you need is a hard on and a imagination. Sorry girls, this is a dude's only game. Joystick is where you use your boner as a “joystick”. You can play on the couch, in the car, or in your bedroom! It's simple ,grab your wiener and make sound effects. I've played car racing games with my boner! I've played Top Gun with my wiener! And I've even played war games with my penis! Your dick can be anything you want it to be. It can be a car shifter, a machine gun, or you can be a pilot fighter! Joystick is awesome and best of all, it's free!!!!

Fart Wars

This is when 2 people push “fart air” towards each other by farting. This game takes a lot of farting and exertion of the butthole. The competitor is deemed winner when their opponent covers his/her mouth or has to leave the room. Anyone want to play a game of Fart Wars then play Joystick?

Brain Train

When you and your buddies of (5 or more) are getting head from a girl. You are part of what we call a Brain Train. Let's just say you don't want to be the caboose of the Brain Train. Choo Choo!!!

Random Thoughts

-Dude is so ugly he had to pay for a rape.

-When I go down on a girl I spit, I don't swallow.

-Fred Durst aka Fred Wurst

-I have a small dick. My new nickname for myself is “4^th & inches”

-I want to punch the Arby's guy who sings, “It's good mood food!!!!”

-Chorizo in a tube that looks like cookie dough is not a good idea if your battling diarrhea like me.

The Hard Count

This is a classic football term in which the quarterback tries to make the defense jump offsides. However, in the real world, I like to use the hard count too. No, not to many people make me jump offsides. I used the hard count to decipher how many boners I get in a day. For example, “Hey, what's your hard count at?” It's at 16.”

Booze Control

When you drink at a steady pace all night long. For example, “I didn't get drunk last night. I just put er in Booze Control and I had a steady buzz all night long”.

Dr. Appointment

Everyone loves going to the Dr.'s office, right? Actually, everyone hates it. I'm talking about a different kind of “Dr.” appointment. It's actually a Dr. (Dome receiving) appointment. So, next time you say you got a dr. appt. (your actually referring to getting head). That's my new acronym for the week. Make sure you get checked up, visit your local Dr.

Skinny Farts

People who are skinny shouldn't fart with bass. It sounds funny. They should only be allowed to fart in a high pitch noise. Lets be real here folks. That goes with large people too. Your farts should only sound like dub bass. There is no reason your farts should be like “beep”. Let the skinny people fart with the beep and let the large people let out the bass lines.

Twos....