Sad Bananas # 2 Stranger Danger

 I've Been Stranger Dangered

How people used to shop for groceries

    I used to hate going to the supermarket to obtain groceries but now that I put things in perspective I don't mind. It's better than having to hunt and gather your food for countless hours a day. In the Paleolithic Era hunters spent whole days searching for wild game, animals, and rodents to kill. Women spent hours of gathering berries, nuts, and twigs for a meal's worth of food. Not only do they have to hunt for it but they had to prepare it through , skinning it, butchering it, and cooking it.

    What do I have to do to get a meal's worth of food? I just go to the supermarket and everything is already “hunted” and “gathered” for me. I put my seat belt on and drive my Toyota Sedan to the nearest grocer and easily find a parking spot. Am I one of those persons who have to get one of the nearest spots near the store? No. Do I find the furthest spot from the store to make a point about not being the closet? Yes. From there I walk an extra 50 feet! Yes 50 feet! OMG! You should think about walking too! It might even out those Oreos, Twinkies, and 2 Gallon Tub of Ice Cream you are going to eat when you get home.

    Anyways from there I go through the automatic sliding doors that open for me (god forbid I open a door by myself) and then I get a cute little basket (or if I go green I bring my own bag). Then I just have to look for food in the aisles which are nicely labeled, buy the food with cash or credit, and then cook it by microwave or oven. Very simple to be a present day hunter and gatherer. It's the convenience of modern technology. I digress as I was not supposed to write any of that. Rather I was supposed to talk about an instance I had at the self checkout lane a few weeks back. Here is my self checkout lane situation.

Dumb Lady & Dumb Kid
at Self Checkout

     I prefer to use self checkout because then I don't have to talk to a grumpy cashier lady who secretly judges all the food I buy. Screw off check out lady! I will buy pounds of pounds of meat. I'm carnivorous and love it!

      So, I'm at the self check out lane ringing up my items minding my own business as a young kid walks up to me. I'm about to smile and say hi to the little fellow but then from the adjacent self checkout lane his mother utters, “stranger..... stranger danger.... you know better than that... stranger danger” and the kid walks back to his mother. Great... I think to myself... everyone around me thinks I'm a pedophile. I could understand if was wearing a trench coat, had long greasy hair, and was looking disheveled, but honestly I wasn't for once.  I was just Stranger Dangered by an adult. It's a somber feeling to be branded a “stranger” that will cause “danger”.

What a real stranger
looks like.

     At that moment I felt like hiring a real life stranger to cause danger to this overprotective mother. I don't know where or how you hire a stranger but I felt like teaching this “b*tch mom” a lesson. It wouldn't surprise me if they had www.strangersforhire.com to creep out kids, families, and/or co workers.        Anyways, I get embarrassed and say nothing as I quickly pay for my things and exit the grocery store as to make eye contact with no one.
   I didn't want to start an argument with a stressed out woman with 4 kids because I'm a pushover. Instead.. passive aggressive me conjures evil scenarios in my head about her demise.  My first instinct is to look back at this mom and say, “excuse me... I work with kids as my profession” but I don't. This dumb mom lady incorrectly used the stranger danger code of conduct. I was no more than 6 feet from this dumb lady and her dumb kids and she had the audacity to cry out “Stranger Danger”. 

    Probably the best thing that can happen to this woman would be if someone kidnapped one of her kids. Does this lady really need 4 annoying kids? We should only be allowed to reproduce no more than 3 kids! With one less kid she would be way less stressed and save a lot of money. Also, by having this kid kidnapped she wouldn't have to save money for this kid who probably won't have a future anyways because he is dumb enough to talk to a stranger like me. Actually, I think this lady should be kidnapped or “adultnapped”. That will show her to not call a stranger a stranger.