Sad Bananas # 3 Hot Job

 Things Are Warming Up

Yeah man yeah

   

I try to stay fit. I say “try” because when I workout I just do light intensity. I don't drink protein shakes, put up big weight, or grunt like a grunt at the gym. I do a quick 20 minute workout, drink water, light dumbbells, and don't even make a moan when I do my light intensity . I also alternate using the sauna and steam room to get my sweat on.  Why actually do exercise to sweat when you can sit in a sauna and do absolutely nothing to sweat?  Today was sauna day!  I enjoy the sauna as it's relaxing, peaceful, and entertaining. I say entertaining because occasionally you will get an old naked dude drying off his senior citizen nut sack.  I guess that's entertaining in a weird way.  I call it "wierdtainment".  Or you get the random dude wise cracking in the corner about something dumb. Or listen to other guy moan about some remedial thing that is wrong in their life. 

Me on the left. Car Salesman on the right.

Today, I got the guy talking to me about his life which turned into my life.  I am often in the sauna for 15 to 20 minutes.  However, the longer I'm in there, the more I put myself at risk to see testicles of all ages, sizes, and colors.  It goes without saying, "I don't want to see saggy man nuts".  Just as I'm about to leave, a meat headed 40 something year old who is too jacked for his own good (think testosterone, HGH, deer antler spray) strikes up a convo. He asks, "you must work outside you got a good tan” as he in looking at my legs. He is talking me up like, “what are you 20?” No, I'm 30. Great... I'm thinking this guy is going to corner me with his bulging biceps and do naughty things to me. He tells me about how he used to work for Cadillac but couldn't deal with their customers so he works at Hyundai. 

Hmm... what to do?

I make my way out and he is still talking about car stuff. Some how he finds out I'm looking for work and from there he goes into sales mode.  He stares at me with crazy eyes and speaks with persuasive intent if I want a job working with him at the Hyundai dealership. He said, “How much you need to live $5k, $4k, $3k?... I'll start you at $2k.. with a $1,500 signing bonus... you will train with me.... not to blow smoke up your ass.. but you got the look.... you got the talent... I guarantee you will be making a lot of money and be happy in a few months.... I'm willing to vouch for you... all you got to do is clean up your neck hair .... come in tomorrow with a tie and shirt... if you don't have a tie...I'll get you one.... I have 20 ties and I will put it on you in the parking lot..... will get you started... I'll teach you everything.... I'll get you a desk with a computer....you will be driving a company car just like me.... I've made $2,000 in one day.... I'll show you my pay stub..... I believe in a guy like you” I told him I'm not a salesman after hearing his sales pitch. He says, “well... do you have a wife or a girlfriend?... I say "yes" to having a girlfiend and he responds, “there you go... your selling yourself everyday”. He says, “follow me to my locker and I'll give you my business card”.

What could have been?

 I willingly follow him to his locker where both of us are hot, sweaty, and have our shirts off still. I'm not sure why I follow him but when you are this desperate you would follow a half naked dude to his locker if he was going to offer you a job. He told me to come in the next day to interview with their hiring manager. I told him I would think about it over the night. It sounded enticing but I just met this guy in a sauna who was talking about my tan, then 5 minutes later he is offering me a job. I don't want to be this guy's little pet at work.  I don't want to do all this guy's b*tch work while he gets paid. This guy tries to play me for a fool, idiot, and/or a pushover. Yes, I am those 3 things but I'm a smarter new breed foolish pushover idiot.