Bloggy Smloggy 2

Intro

I tackle a lot of issues and epidemics that are plauging our nation. A society that is so brainwashed by “the norm”. Newsflash folks there is no norm, “wierd” is what's hot in the streets. Ill thoughts consume Americans each day, yet we just push them down.. down.. in the pits of our conscience, hoping that they never come up. You would lie if you never thought of ill things. The American Wet Dream consumes us. Will I dry up and stop getting wet and achieve the “American Dream” (not sure if I really want to)?

“Touch Screens”

I need to rant about technology right now. I'm no “techie” but I have friends who are. But everything that is electronic seems to be going in the direction of the “touch screen”. Ie. Phones, computers, mp3 players, camcorders, etc. etc. With the simple touch of your finger you can scroll the net, make phone calls, play stupid apps, and text. Well I decided to make the “inappropriate touch” phone. The “Inappropriate” will be the name of this phone. It sounds like a Sprint phone, you know like the rumor, rant, seek, and my favorite the “slut”. Well back to topic using the "inappropriate touch screen phone" you text by using sexual gestures. For example, the “the finger bang touch” allows you to navigate google.com. The “one hand stroke” allows you speed dial friends in your Fav 5. There's also “the hump” in where you touch your penis to the screen and it randomly booty call's a girl in your phone. The “Inappropriate” allowing you to be a man/woman whore all day everyday! This is some phone Cricket would probably endorse.

Movie Games

We have all watched movies. We all have played video games. Think about this. How about merging those ideas into one? I had this epiphany in a dream last night and I had to blog about it. It's called Movie Games. A Movie Game is any movie that is out there but you play the movie like a video game. You can control the actors, change the scenery, and make a whole new movie. This is genius. Why? Did you like a movie so much and then realized, the ending sucked. For example, remember in Bambi, when Bambi's mom died and we all cried. Well in a Movie Game, you can go in and actually kill the hunter that killed Bambi's mom. I think that would be awesome. Or how about in Home Alone. Maybe Kevin Mcallister is never Home Alone and his parents bring him on the trip (but then that movie would suck). How about giving Kevin a machete, machine guns, grenaders, and a cannon launcher to fight the wet bandits. But instead of fighting of the wet bandits, he is fighting terrorists. There are so many options in movie games. Instead of the Sound of Music and I would change into the Sound of Death, make into a horror film and kill all those god awful singers. Movie Games!!!!!!! “Turn a Crappy Movie Into an Awesome Killing Blood Filled Movie”

Hygene Tips

People are so dumb, Why do people brush their teeth before they go to bed? No one is going to smell your bad breath because it's not like there going to talk to anyone, their sleeping. Obvisiously, you arn't going to get any cavaties because you don't eat in your sleep either. Wake Up America! Don't Brush your teeth before you go to bed. This is a hygene tip if you don't have to time in this fast paced society we live in.

Recession Buster

I know we all like a fine 2 ply of tissue paper to wipe with. But if you buy 1 ply and fold it in half, don't you get 2 ply? I'm going to let you think about that one...................... So if you take 2 ply and fold it in half.... guesss what???... you got it! you got 4 ply. Holy crap, I just invented 4 ply! Its like wiping your butt with a cloud. 

 But when I wipe, I basically turn my tissue paper into oragami and get 4 to 5 good wipes on about 4 squares of tissue paper. This is a recession buster folks, beat the recession, save a couple squares means saving a couple of pennies. "Oragami" that tissue paper and wipe away. Trust me! On a 2 by 2 inch of tissue paper squear there's room to skid mark up that tissue up. Don't be scared your going to wipe on the same part of the tp square that you already "skid marked" because it's your butthole. Your butthole is by no means an endearing place of the body. If I had to compare a city in America to the human butthole, your butthole would be Detroit (dirty, rundown, and just plain sh*tty). Thats my poop rant for the day. Wi-Wi-Wipeouttttttttttt!!!!!!!

Words from the wise

We have all been there before unless I don't know “masterbation ettiquette”. So, I think a good time to jack off is right before you go to bed (to kinda put yourself to sleep). After I rub one out, I go right to bed, literally. No washing my hands, no purell, no nothing. Technically, I'm sleeping with my “jack hand”. A “jack hand” is a hand that you jack with but don't wash. So, I'm sleeping with my “jack hand” all night long probably with some "c residue" on it. I wake up the next morning to my stretch, yawn, and of course rub out the eye boogers with my “jack hand”. This is where I go wrong, I'm inadvertly giving myself a “2^nd degree money shot” with my “jack hand”. You know there is some “c crust” on my hand from the night before. There is no way I got it on my “c rag”. I'll take about “c rags” in another blog. I guess what im trying to tell is you, purell them hands if your going to “rub one out” before you go to bed, don't want to give yourself a “2^nd degree money shot”. Words from the wise.

I was supposed to talk about Glucasamine Chrondroitin Complex

I'm taking supplements now. Since I don't have healthy joints, I decided to take a supplement called Glucasamine. I'ts supposed to promote healthy joints, not weed joints you godd*mn stoners!!!. I have bad joints so hopefully this will makes my bones stronger. Not that I need a stronger bone, if you know what I'm saying (a boner for those "who don't know what I'm saying"). I”m sure I can pop off a boner quicker than John Wayne can kill someone in a Western Movie. All im saying is if there ever was a boner contest, I would be an olympian, champion, the best of the best. Im declaring myself the “Micheal Phelps of Boners”. Were not talking about size, I would lose in that category. Were seeing how skillful, tactful, and talented the common man's boner is. Were talking about “sprints”, aka who would get the faster boner from flacid to hard. I would also be good in the “deadlift”, in where you see how many objects (ex. Purses, anything that you can tie on a rope) that you can hold on your boner. “Long Distance”, see how long you can sustain a boner with no pleasurable activity. I give you the “Boner Olympics”. For some reason this probably already exists somewhere, there's so many godd*mn sickos out there. I'm just a dude trying to blog about boners, come on society give a "boner brotha" a break.

Reflection

Well those are the issues i tackled.  How to beat the recession?  In a economy where everything is drying up. Like a tell'em, "Have a Wet Dream".  "Make It Rain" in your pants.  No this is not a Lil Wayne song, but serioulsy "Cream Dem Pants"(which would probably be a good song).  It would be about dry humping a girl and creaming your pants but I guess that dude with the big nose from Saturday Night Live made a song called "jizz in my pants".  Don't write a song unless you did it, that's all I'm saying.  Talk that is REAL. REAL TALK.