Bloggy Smloggy 3

Intro “I love snuggies!!!!!!!”

I'm currently writing this portion of this blog in a snuggie. Thank god for the inventor of the snuggie who knew you could do so much in a snuggie. For example, write a blog, read a book, watch a movie, and talk on the phone. I'm going to make the “druggie snuggie” and snort coke, shoot heroin, smoke crack, and just get rocked in my “druggie snuggie”. Not only is the “druggie snuggie” good for “my life is going nowhere so I have to do drugs to kill the pain” but I'm going to cut a hole in the middle so I can masterbate with my “snuggie”. Just a nice little cut out hole in the middle so I can masterbate and/or have sex through my snuggie (if the situation presents itself). Oh yeah! The “druggie snuggie” doing drugs... doing chicks, F a blanket!!! A blanket just kept me warm. No one ever did drugs with a blanket unless your homo.

My Favorite Song Right Now

La Roux-Bulletproof I'm in “tune” with sappy love songs written by girls. I can relate to girls in that way. A “poon tune”- a sappy feel bad song about myself because my boyfriend cheated on me, now I'm back and independent, on my own. I love a good “poon tune”.

I went to a 21 year old's birthday party at Brothers!!!!!

After a night of partying with kids 7 years younger than me, I thought I was sober enough to drive home. I mean all I had to drink was 8-10 different beers, 3 different kinds of shots, and you know probably random other drinks I forgot I had. So flash forward to the end of the night, bartime 2:00am. We were all walking to my car which was parked on a side street of angle parking. I put my key in what I thought was my car and rattled off to my brother “dude, my key doesn't work to my car anymore”. I double checked the key, yep it was the right key but It was the wrong car. I responded to my own discovery, “this is not my car!!”. Instead, it was a chevy malibu, but to my defense it was the same color as my Toyota Camry and we were in the midst of a snowstorm. I basically put my key in the first tan 4 door sedan in the long row of cars hoping that it was mine. That should've been a hint to my brother and his friends, that I shouldn't have drove. But I drove home anyways and they gladfully let me. Thankfully I'm here to tell you this story.

Bucks Game and Snack Wraps

I went to the Milwaukee Bucks vs. Washington Wizards game on Wednesday Night (two dismal teams in the NBA but there's was more to cheer for than a win that night). If the Bucks score 100 points everyone in the crowd gets free snack wrap from McDonald's. So, with 7:00 minutes left in the game the bucks were at 90 points. At this point, I was thinking snack wrap in hand but before you know it, there's 10 seconds left and were stuck on 98 points. Larry Sanders, who hasn't played the whole game, gets fouled and we are all patiently waiting to see if he will knock down the 2 free throws. He makes one and the crowd is screaming at this point. Everyone in the stands, is on there feet, chanting “don't miss those free throws”. Mind you, the Bucks are up 10 points so we have already won. Boom!!! Larry Sanders knocks down the 2^nd free throw and the Bucks score a 100 points. You could hear the gluttony of the crowd, the roar of the “fat”, the clamor of the “supersized” fans that wanted there frickin' snack wrap. Come on!! I could see these fats getting fatter everytime the Bucks score a 100 points. Seriously, if he would've missed those free throws, I fear Larry Sanders would've gotten hate mail from the “msg, hydrogentated oil, saturated fat fans” who wear the grease they eat. Way to promote a healthy lifestyle NBA. It's like the saying the “rich get richer and the poor get poorer”. Well, “the fat get fatter, and the skinny get skinnier”.

A Booger Wall at Work?

I'm starting a Booger Wall at work. I shouldn't have said starting, I should've said started because it's already growing. Right now, were about to 3 boogers and a dead lady bug. Don't ask me how a dead lady bug got there (but it's there). Will see how long it takes the janitors to clean it up. I was not supposed to elaborate on my Booger Wall. It is, what it is, a Booger Wall. But It's a Booger Wall at work. Yeah, we have all started Booger Wall's in the confine of our own home. But how about at your office at work?

Going Down..Down... Down...

Going down on a chick is like holding your breath underwater. It's like how long can you last before you have to come up and gasp for air. Imagine yourself “falopian tube' deep in a girl's pie”. It's like that saying when guys say “Yeah, I was balls deep in her Man!! Yeah, Man Balls Deep”. Well, when a girl is doing you from the top she can say to her girlfriends, “I was so embroyo deep in him, I really gave him my eggs” and then her friends can respond, “Heck Ya Jenna! Wayyy to Goo You Sassy lil Betchh!!!”

C Rags

I told you I was going to talk about this subject. We all have C Rags. A “C Rag”, is anything a guy uses to eject his seminal fluids on. It could be a tissue paper, no to small for me. It could be a paper towel, no I don't like wasting good paper towel. It could be an old t shirt your friend once left over, Yes! I once used my friend's old Chicago Bear T Shirt then, gave it back. Of course I washed it then waited for him to wear it to tell him I used your shirt as a c rag. Me, I use an old t shirt. Use it for a good week until it looks like a crumpled paper grocery bag and then throw it in the wash. After that you got yourself a wearable shirt again. I'm always looking for new ideas for c rags. I think shamwows would work great. Just soaking up the fun!

Building a Nest vs. Wiping the Seat down

I was always taught to build a nest while taking a poop in public bathrooms (I'm not sure who taught me this, I guess it's one of those things you just learn).. I've been doing it since High School. In grade school I didn't care where my little virgin @ss sat. But with all these stds out there, I don't want to share my butt with some other wierdo's butt. So, I like to build a nest, which is basically layering the toliet seat with tp squares. To be safe, I like to double layer the tp. I mean thats industry standard. But when in im a rush. I'll go with one layer, there's no time to double layer. The only downfall to this is when you go to sit down in a rush, the layer of tp will fall of the toliet seat. You basically create a wind tunnel knocking the tp down to the ground. That's why you have to be prepared to rerack the toliet seat with some freshly new tp. It's a common era we all make, but when the turtle head is poking you better have the toliet paper down.

Apparently, there is new method that is going viral. I guess people are wiping down the seat before they poop on it. I do not have too much evidence to support this method. But ask anyone who reads this to comment on the wipe down method. I'm not sold on this method and will continue to build my nests.

Ginger-vitis

I have this new found goal in life. I'm officially adding this the bucket list. I want to have sex with a Red Head. I have Gingervitis!!!! I wanna screw a Ginger. Give me that Fire Crotch!!!! Imagine just a pasty pale faced white chick with hair as a red as Paul Bunyan. I mean arn't you just turned on? Gingers are like sushi, pure, raw meat, and not too many people like them yet it's becoming trendy. I'm definetly going to a bone a ginger but the end of this year. Add it to the New Years Resolution. Sign me up!!!! Here I come Donna from That 70s Show!!!!!!!!!

See you next wednesday.. btw i post every wednesday. you know its hump day. to me its dry hump wednesday. duhhhhhhhhhhhhh