Bloggy Smoggy 1 January 12, 2011

The Return of the Bloggy Smloggy

“American Dream”

By Nude Dude

Intro

Well, I'm not sure when's the last time I wrote a blog. But allow me to reintroduce myself. In fear of this blog leaking to the public, I will not use my real name. I'll go by my alias naked guy aka nude dude but in the end I hoped to clothed guy (the man who wears cloth).

The American Dream

But currently Im 28 years old, have a full time job working with youth, enjoying working out, partying, binge drinking, making music, and playing basketball. I'm single surrounded by many friends who are married, have houses, and dogs aka the “American Dream”.

While my friends are in pursuit of the “American Dream”, I''ve been living the “American Wet Dream”. No white picket fence, No dog or stupid cat, and children with a job at a corporate office. There's no car insurance, health insurance, making payments on time. Living in the now, Having sex without rubbers. The “American Wet Dream” is getting wasted on the weekends, spending all nighters at the casino, and smoking dope with your little brother's friends.

Well, living the “American Wet Dream” will take it's toll, you may lose friends, lonely nights, and lose your insight on life. It's my time to clean it up, so to say, you know air the sheets out. This blog will take you on my journey to live like a normal human being and my quest to be the “average american”.

My Quest..... My Journey... begins to achieve what so many of us desire “The American Dream”................

New Years Resolutions

Happy New Years!!!!! Its the new year and I've made several New Years resolutions. Here's a list take a look at them.

1. No More Gambling at the Casino. Why? I'm sick of losing $100's of dollars, staying up all night with people who shouldn't be gambling in the first place aka the scum of the earth. Im the cheapest person I know. I pinch pennies where I can but I have the audacity to play $10 games of video blackjack. Get a life, me.
2. Stop Eating fast food- Yeah, ok good luck with this one. 3 days in. I destroyed 4 items on the value menu at Sonic. I was at a beer tasting event before I went, so I should get free pass on this one.
3. Being Assertive- Hmmm... we all know im a pushover. Will see how long this lasts? I can see myself at work, making a point to a co worker on how we should do it my way and then be easily persuaded to do it their way even though I probably would've been right. Oh well, life is too short to be confrontational. Might as well take crap from everyone and be liked than being a dickhead who fights everything that no one likes.
4. Having Protected Sex- This shouldn't be a new years resolution, it should be just common sense, to wrap it up. Seriously, I have to make this a nyr. We all know I can't be a father right now, I can barely take care of myself. But I do believe I will be a good father some day. Real talk.
5. No Swearing- This one has a stipulation. Obviously, I won't swear when I'm sober but I can swear when I'm drunk or when I'm having sex. WE all know sex is better when we swear. Imagine me doing you, saying, “I'm going to F**k the sh*t out of your f**king v*gina you piece of sh*t”. Doesn't that sound hot? I mean thats just hot, organic, grimey, and just plain honest love making. No thrill sex. Not love making but bone making.
6. Learning a New Talent- Each month I'm going to push myself to learn a new talent. This month, Is learning how to tie a tie. I know this isn't a talent but being 28 and almost 30. I think its time my rooomate's or my friends' girlfriends stop tying my ties before weddings.
7. Not Masterbating to YouTube Anymore but to Real Porn- That one's pretty self explanatory but for those who don't know me. I have a fetish and search for “white girl booty shake” on youtube. It's time I upgrade my masterbating habits and start watching real porn. Where I jack off to “dude doing a girl” porn. You know, I need to stroke it to some good ol classic porn. Just straight guy on girl action. None of this new age porn (anal, creampie, sleep creep, emo) there's so much smut out there. I mean it's not healthy to be masterbating to youtube.
8. Trimming my pubes- Seriously? Have you seen my bush? Have you seen what I'm working with? This is a mess. I'm going to trim the ol afro down there, once a month. Why not? It'll make my wiener look bigger. It will be a nice, sleek look for 2011. Chic. Trendy. Smooth.

Well see how long I last with these NY Resolutions. The battle begins!!!!

Randy Randoms (A section dedicated to random things that happened during the week)

1. I almost bought condoms from Big Lots. Big Lots is a department store where they sell defective items that they can't sell at real stores more or less. Well, I almost bought 12 condoms for $4.50, then realized lets think about this. I know I'm going to start wearing rubbers but lets not get non defective rubbers. So I decided I'll just pull out until I get condoms, I mean pulling out works, right? Ending result no purchase. I ended up buying random energy drinks, like I really need more energy.
2. A girl at work was talking about how her husband lost his wedding ring because he always takes it off. I responded the only time I'm goin to take off my wedding ring (I'm not married) is when I'm banging a prostitute. She was offended and told me “I hope a girl never falls in love with you!'”. She doesn't drink and is very religious. Oops!
3. I haven't had diarrehea this whole year!!! Lets keep going. It's been 12 days and I'm diarrehea free. The longest streak i've had in years. Not like I ever counted but in years past, diarrehea has stricken my body on a weekly basis. I've learned to live with it like people who live with a mental illness or a small penis. You know you learn to live it.
   
   
   4. Its My Mom's Anniversary to her Divorced Husband. So it's not much of an anniversary is it then?

Outro (Reflection)

I wanted to keep this blog short, short like my wiener. I was debating about saying that but I ended up saying it anyways. This blog will not have a filter. I want it to be a raw blog of who I am. I want you to take a deep look in naked guy's life and ask you “why is he so pathetic?” I hope you enjoyed it. Always looking for new ideas. Please leave your cumments on my blog, I mean comments.

How many times I referenced my small penis in this blog (3 times).