Bloggy Smloggy 51

Intro

Sipping on some green tea about to chuck the deuce!

Grow Your Nails Out (The Woman)

I have long fingernails. I'm not sure why I have them. Is it because I'm too lazy to cut them? Maybe.. Maybe not. Is it because I don't have a nail clipper? No, I have about 3 of them. Recently, a new theory dawned on me as I was contemplating my long nails. This theory involves masturbation. I'm sure if you've read enough of these blogs, you were pretty close on guessing why I have long nails. I grew my nails to that of a woman. Think about it, if I have long nails like a woman, it would appear that a woman is cranking me off and not myself. My hand would be a replica of a woman's hand (soft, sleek, and well done nails). Genius, I'm sure you are thinking. “Why didn't I think of this earlier?” I'm sure you are saying. So, I say to you kind sir, grow your nails out and give yourself a five finger discount. I haven't coined a name for this technique except for “the woman”. It's simple, direct, and gets the job done.

Man Date Episode 1

I went to see a NBA basketball game with a buddy of mine a few weeks back. You know, just 2 pals watching the ball game, no big deal right? However, I spent a lot of time getting ready by trimming unwanted hairs before my “big hangout”. I plucked my uni brow thus making a dos brow. Then, I trimmed my nose hairs to a respectable length. I don't enjoy my nose hairs coming out of my nose. Lastly, I shaped my beard so it looked more like Jesus and a little less Grizzly Adams. I spent a good half and hour on hygiene to just “hangout”.

I went to his house and he had prepared dinner for us. Which was a nice quaint meal, if I do say so myself. Then, we arrived at the arena to watch some NBA action. He supplied the tickets, so I thought it would be nice to buy him a couple of rounds of beers. Or was it a way for me to secretly get him drunk and take advantage of him? Nope, it wasn't, but It would make for a good story. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I snuck in an orange to the game. I think I'm the first person to sneak an orange into a professional sporting event. That orange was good too, you better know that. The End

Dingleberries 3: The Trilogy

This is the 3^rd installment of how to rid of Dingleberries in Bloggy Smloggy. Yes, I found another way to remove these nasty nuances. It's simple if you have the right kind of shower head. I'm referring to a shower head that is movable (you know the one with a “hose attached to it so you can move it around). Obviously, you know where I'm going with this. You simply remove the shower head from its normal shower position, and gauge it in between your butt cheeks. This way your getting a very accurate and steady stream of water blasting away. This method can also be used to clean your “gooch” to remove any excess “schmegma”. I hope I'm spelling “schmega” right. But schmega is the liquid sweat found in the area between your butthole and groin area. You can also get a good testicle cleaning too with the movable showerhead. With a good testicle cleaning, you won't have to worry about gold bonding and tough actin' tinactin. Word to the wise.

Finger Dream

I had a dream in where I was peeing at a restaurant. I don't remember the name of the restaurant but that's not important. What's important in this dream, is that while I was peeing in the restaurant, a stranger slipped his finger in my butthole and walked out. I followed this said man and tried finding him. I asked other bathroom users whose finger was in my butthole? They told me, “the man who had just walked out”. But the ironic thing was, was that I wasn't going to tell this man off or be angry. I was simply going to tell him that it was no big deal that he slipped his pointer in me. This dream scared me because I should've been upset that I had a finger in me but I wasn't. That's what makes me nervous. It actually makes me real nervous. I needed to the air that out.

What are you some kind of Chicken?

“Oh look, he is too chicken to do that” I realize why people call other people chicken if there scared. First of all, I don't think it's fair chickens get a bad rep for being scared of everything. You would be scared too, if your “kind” is slaughtered in the 1000s a day and caged up to make eggs for humans. You understand me. I would live my life in fear if I was a chicken. So, this is why people call other people “chicken”. I've finally found that out.

I Poop Old People Food

I poop like I eat “old people food”, food that is pureed. My poop is a fine puree, like someone took a solid crap in a blender, then hit the puree button. Yep, that's my turds, a pure liquid smoothie like substance.

Trim or Not to Trim....(The Testicle Mullet)

Twos......

Like Pam in Martin, “PEACEEEEEE” (I'm sure only one of you gets that reference, you know who you are)