Bloggy Smloggy 53

Intro: Valentines vs. Black History Month

Well, its February, so that means two things: Valentines Day & Black History Month. I feel like Valentines, even though being one day, overshadows Black History Month. You know?? The stores are flooded with red and pink décor trying to sell you Valentines. There are people outside selling roses. There are songs made about Valentines Day. The Internet, media, and news flood you with Valentines Day stuff. People always ask you, “hey, what do you have planned for Valentines Day?” But no one ever asks you, “hey what are you doing for Black History Month?” Look within yourselves and do some soul searching. Do something for Black History Month. If your white make a black friend. I don't know do something. It's a touchy subject and most people don't want to touch it , but I'm going to touch it. Wow, I just wrote my first controversial piece. I'm a true journalist now.

Women's Mags: Read'em Up Dickheads!

I'm starting to read women's magazines like Women's Health and Shape. It's like a secret stash of hot women bodies and great tips on how to keep a firm butt. They also have interesting articles on sex, health, and overall well being. Just because your guy doesn't mean you can't read these. I think it would benefit all men to read these. Get to know your partner, your sister, and your mother a little more. Get to know what hormones are going through their body. Also, a great place to get a quick rub down. Kill 2 birds with one stone.

The Beard Experiment

For those who know me, you know I have been growing a beard since late November 2011. So, roughly I've been growing my beard for 3 months. I always wanted to see how long I can grow it. For those who don't know me, now you know I've been growing a beard. I've been called a lot of names since I've been growing a beard. I wanted to share some of those names with you. The most popular name I've been called is Jesus. Also, I haven't cut my hair since May 2011. I've been called a Terrorist/ Uni Bomber. People will say, “I hope your not flying anywhere”. I've been called Grizzly Adams, a famous outdoors men. I've even been called Santa Clause. I'm 29 years old, I don't look like no Santa Claus. I've been called homeless and even ugly. It's sad to say but the beard experiment is coming to an end. I can not take the mental beatings on a daily basis. I will free myself from ridicule. The new me begins next week.

Days of the Week

Here is my weekly schedule. Every day has a theme. This is my weekly routine.

Monday- Steam Room/Sauna Day. I go here to detox the weekend.

Tuesday- Basketball Night. My 1 day of cardio.

Wednesday- Hot Tub/Whirlpool Day for heat therapy of my achy joints.

Thursday- Wild Card Day. This day doesn't have a specific activity yet.

Friday-Chill Night/High School Night. Do a sober activity because I work early Saturday.

Saturday-Go out Night (Get Drunk). I go out once a week and this is the night I do it.

Sunday- Grandma Day. Hang out with grandma, be hungover, and watch TV all day.

Now, your probably wondering what about poop and masturbate day. Well, those are everyday.

I'm in the “Industry” Now

My Debut Night Doing Coat check at Dicks

February 11, 2012

I made it, I finally made it! I got called up to the big leagues, playing ball with the big dogs. It was my time to shine. It was like I just auditioned for American Idol and they told me I was going to LA. It's the feeling every musician gets when they win a Grammy. It's the feeling you get after your first hand job, and you just want to scream and tell the world.

Tonight, was my ticket into the “industry”. The “industry” is what people in the bar/club business call their job. It's a cool way of saying your work at a bar, club, or lounge. However, according to wikipedia, “industry” refers to the production of an economic good or service within an economy. With all that being said, I work in the “industry. Yes, I want to sound cool.

Tonight, I was doing coat check at Dicks (Pizza & Pleasure Zone). Dicks, is the club I've been kicked out of twice Not only have I been kicked out twice, but pooped at twice or club dumped. With that past “work” experience at Dicks, I was sure to make a good coat checker. Tonight, I had to prove myself worthy and hold myself to the high standards of the “industry”.

The night started off a little slow as it was 6 degrees outside. Of course, that meant it was cold, meaning that people would have jackets, meaning people would check there coats, meaning I would get more $$$$. Coat check is $2 per coat, I get $1 and the 'house' gets $1. By 11:00pm I was up to $4! Can you believe it $4? I made a sign that read, “Tip, if you like my beard”. I've been growing my beard for 3 months now, so it's pretty long. The sign was working, as a few ladies tipped me and then stroked my beard. The fellas tipped me too but they didn't stroke my beard. But I wasn't opposed to them stroking my beard. “Hey! If you tip it, you can stroke it”, that's what I always say. One group wanted my shirt which read “I Love Dicks”. At one point, they tried taking it off me. One drunk birthday girl, tipped me $20. And another guy tipped me $5. This guy kept saying, “my man... my man!!!” I put on his coat like a man helps a woman put on his coat. Then we hugged it out. This guy was awesome. I like this guy. Another instance I saw, was watching this one girl slap another girl's titties. These were no ordinary tots, these were on some Lane Bryant plus size sh*t. Titties in orbit.

Overall, I made some good money and had a good time. But, more importantly, I was a somebody now. I was in the “industry”. People don't understand the grind of working in the “industry”. No, I'm not talking about water street, north ave, or brady street. I'm talking about Milwaukee St where Milwaukee's premier crowd mingles. No longer was I the guy waiting in the line, trying to get in the club, saying I was on the “list” when I really wasn't on the list. I was the guy checking coats. Making sure people had their coats. I played a very integral part of a typical high octane club night in the industry. It's very low brow to put your coat in the corner of the club and not pay the coat check $2. Have some honor, integrity, pride,and check your coat with me. You ain't got no swagger with your jacket in the club. Don't put a dagger in your swagger! Come on now! Call me Swagger Vance!

Stuff I bought with the $ I made Coat Checking

$20 worth of gas

$27 oil change

$5 of Kombucha Tea

$10 at Pizza Shuttle

$15 worth of food at Aldis

Have a great day America!!!!!!!!!!!

Twos............