Hi................
The Endless Wipe & The Neverending Turd
(read this fast) It happens to the best of us, the endless wipe, when you pushed a good stool out and you think you've got it all out, so your ready to wipe but the wiping never stops, because there is poop stains on your tissue paper, so you have to get up off the toilet seat to increase the chances of the last turd to come out because if you keep wiping with a turd in you, you are basically wiping poop out of your butt, but there is no possible way to just wipe that turd out of you butthole, you have to poop it out, every knows that, but if you did try to wipe the turd out, it would probably take hours and a 12 pack of 2 ply toilet paper and you would clog the toilet or you could flush the toilet 15 times but then you water bill would be high for that month, that's why just save that turd for your next poop, it's already in the chamber, he's ready to go when you poop the next hour anyway, he'll just hang out near your anal cavity, I had to make this sentence a run on so you would get my point, I just put a comma where I felt like it.
Tit Time
A great time for watching titties!
Ugly Couples
You ever see a ugly couple and they just grow uglier together. That's pretty amusing. You know what's more amusing. Watching a hot couple get uglier. That makes me happy inside.
Taxi Dick
Taxi Dick. When a girl is in a taxi and she picks up a guy at a certain destination after a late night of drinking. She is 'horned' up and wants some dick. So, after she leaves the club/bar, she goes to wherever that guy is and picks him up in the taxi. She then pays for the taxi, they go upstairs, and sleep with each other. That is a taxi dick or taxi dicking.
Flatline
I call people who are unresponsive to my conversation, flatline. This is a pun on the medical term, flatline, when people die, and the heartbeats flatlines. Hence, it works for those who are ADD, hard of hearing, or just meatheads who talk and walk like caveman. There unresponsive to anything you say, thus they are flatline.
Dew (Do) Point
Before you do a girl, you always got to check her dew point. You know, you have to make sure there is enough “moist”ure in her “atmosphere” before you put on your “umbrella”. A good meteorologist checks the “dew”point before they go outside. Get it... her do point.
Just Another Day in My Mundane Life
I was unknowing the “driver” in a drug deal until I was in the drug deal. Here is how it went down. My buddy and I were on our way out for the evening. He told me we had to stop at CVS to pick up a dude. On the way there he showed me some drugs and said this is what I'm selling. “Great!”, I'm thinking, this guy has got a “felony” is his pocket and I'm the getaway driver. We get to our destination and the guy is standing outside CVS (which is kind of ironic because it's a pharmacy). I wave like a small child at this guy I do not know and say “it's me, hop in”. So, we do a “lap”. A lap in the drug dealing language is when the “deal” or “exchange” happens. The guy who I picked up checked the “stuff” out and then gave my friend the money. The deal was done. As I was driving, I saw a hot chick, so I beeped to get her attention. We all laughed because a “deal” was going down, and here I was beeping at chicks. Then two blocks later we see another chick and I beep again because she looked hot. Another mishap by a beginner “driver”. However, the deal went down with no screw ups and we dropped the dude off. The lap was completed.
My Wonderful Weekend
Brewery Open House, Beer School, & Club Dumps
Saturday February 4th, 2012
How do club dumps come about it? I'll tell you, thank you for inquiring. Club dumps start by going to a brewery tour. I recommend Milwaukee Brewing Co. (better than Lakefront Brewery). For $7 you get a tour and unlimited sampling of beers. This a great place for local craft beer. They also have a great staff. Any who, we got there too late for the tour but they let us stay and drink beers for 45 minutes for $5. They gave us an “open house” deal and we got to sample as many craft beers as possible. Do you like how I say “craft beers”? I sound like a beer snob. We down to about 5-6 beers before they close. Mind you, we arrived at 6:15 and drank to 7:00pm. Money will spent as we were “buzzing” like jeopardy, I'll take Drunk Contemporary Americans for 500, Alex.
Then it was off to some friends for more craft beers. In other words, we had another edition of Twat's famous Beer School. We got into some home brew, limited edition, special edition, new edition, expensive, rare, and other micros. As you can see, I was preparing for a large club dump. It didn't stop there, we enjoyed homemade sliders and frozen pizza. I fell in love with a homemade BBQ sauce that a friend made. I put the sauce on everything, even the Mediterranean pizza. BBQ sauce on pizza that has goat cheese, spinach, and other “greek” spices, why not?
It was off to Red Room, a local little DJ spot on the east side. A quaint and cute place for hipsters. I enjoy the dark décor and simplicity. I would go again. There we danced up a small storm, trying to get in some cardio to burn calories. No drink purchase here, just enjoying the moment. Then it was of to Dicks (the hottest club in Milwaukee).
It must've been the calm before the storm because I was feeling great. We now were at Dicks enjoying ourselves bumping into old friends. We pleasured our mouths with a round of shots, not just any shots, but Rumplemintz. Yumm, pure liquid mint. This shot I believe activated the club dump. There was no more food or liquids I could put in my stomach. There was no room left, my body could not hold it anymore. Rumplemintz attacked my body and unleashed the gates.
I made a quick dash to the bathroom, right pass club goers, coat check, and those who enjoyed there late night snacks. The bathroom, to my amazement was open. I locked it (or at least I thought I did) and “boom boom pow” I dropped a “eww nasty”. It was a few minutes before a couple people opened the door. Hmmm, I guess the lock doesn't work. However, I didn't care, I wasn't embarrassed. I just sat there with my elbows on my knees and head down, just trying to get the “agony' out of me. A few wipes and I was outta there.
Just like that I was back in “club” mode and having a good time. But as I was making my way up to the 2nd floor another strike of pain shot through my stomach. Oh no, could it happen again. Could it be another club dump? Yes, it was, I confirmed another club dump in the 2nd floor of this establishment. How could it be? I just dumped on 2 floors in 1 bar. I'm the club dump champ! I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who has took a dump on the first and second floor at Dicks in 1 hour, one night, or ever.
I wish know one club dumps. Dumping in the club is not the best atmosphere for dropping an earthy stool.
Twos............
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