Bloggy Smloggy 59

Intro Smintro

I'm going to start saying “for the record”,“you can get me on record saying that”, or “you can quote me on that”. It makes me sound important. You can get me on record saying that.

Cats

Cats are people who play with their smart phones all day being easily amused. They look like cats playing with a ball of yarn. They just paw at their screens all day and all night. Stop playing with your iPhone you felines! Observe and just watch someone play with there smart phone. “Yeah I got this mind numbing app that just wastes my life for me”. I should get you “cats” some kitty litter while your at it.

GF Stuff

If you have a girlfriend she is a slut to you. It's true because she gives it up to you. You can call your gf a whore if you want to because she is a whore to you.

Dick Dial

A dick dial is very similar to the pocket dial or butt dial. However, a dick dial is when you keep your phone in your front pocket and you get a boner. Your boner activates the call just like your butt would activate a call in your back pocket when your walking. In more detailed words, the tip of you boner through the underwear, hits your phone while it's in your left/right pocket, thus calling someone.

Canning

It's the newest craze out there! A couple of friends of mine took our mom's dog for a walk. This was no ordinary walk. He had herb but no smoking utensils, yet we had a beer can. He finished the beer and made a “can pipe”. All you have to do is make a few holes in the middle of the can and place the weed on top of it, then you use the opening to smoke out of. It was around 7pm, so it was still light out. There were 6 of us openly taking random hits from this can pipe in a well to do neighborhood. Be a man and do a can. Do a canny!!

I Do Car Game/ Highway Robbery

You ever play “The I Do Car Game”. It's a very simple game. It's when your on a road trip with a couple of buddies. It has to be at least a 1 hour car drive. All you have to do is, say to your buddy, "the next car that drives by you have to do them". There is no way out of not doing them, you must! Then the game begins and you rotate the cars that drive by. This game is fun for all. It's a humorous game because after 15 minutes of cars passing you by, you have theoretically done a whole bunch of dudes, senior citizens, and a family of 4 (and there dog). Next time you on a road trip play this game.

My Lawyer Friend Gets Drunk at Milwaukee Bucks Game

March 24, 2011

-The first thing we both do is drop a “double duece” when we get to the Bradley Center. A double deuce is a side to side crap in a public setting. I first took “double dueces” in high school before soccer games. Here in the stalls is where we mix our flasks as we are pooping.

We get there at tip off but after we are done pooping, it's the middle of the first quarter.  I bring a 8oz flask for myself and him. He pours the whole flask into 1 drink. That is 8 shots of Rum, 4 Talls, or 8 shorts. However, you want to look at it, it's a lot of Rum. I taste his drink and it tastes like poison potion brewed by some wicked warlord.

-After the game we go back to my car which is parked 6 blocks away from the arena, fill up our flasks, and go back to the bar. We meet a random couple from Chicago who follow us at 2 bars. He buys me a coke so I can mix my drink. I met him as he was peeing on the side of a building. We instantly became friends.

-I saw a kid I used to coach for 6^th grade basketball. He bought me a shot. He is 21 years old now.

-Went to the casino to about 6am and lost about a month's worth of rent. I'm retiring from the casino. I will now play the stock market. Watch out Gordon Gecko!!!! WALL STREET IS MINE!!!!

-He went home but doesn't remember if a buddy picked him up or a Taxi brought him home.

Twos.....