Hi.....
Brownie
Thunder
This
was a blizzard flavor at Dairy Queen. It sounds like what I do after
I eat a lot of beans. Beware of the “Brownie Thunder” that is
upon us.
CT
Scan
A
CT Scan in the medical field is a “CAT scan” or computed
tomography. In the pervert world a CT Scan, is a “camel toe”
scan. It's when you survey your surroundings (bar, library, or
grocery store) of some good camel toe. Get a “CT Scan” in, you
never know what you might find.
Jackpot
People
are always hitting the jackpot at a casino while playing slot
machines. Well, I always hit the jackpot when I'm at home. A
jackpot is a tea kettle in which a male “releases” himself
in. Or a jackpot could be some real good pot you got from a
guy named Jack. Or it could be when you get high and you “jack”
yourself off. Jackpot has many different meanings. Was does
jackpot mean to you?
F*ck
Sprint I'm Mad at You
This
is where I rant about sprint and swear a lot. I hate you Sprint. I
hate you because I bought a new phone from you and the screen cracked
5 days later from being in my pocket. Phone screens don't just crack
in your pocket. I went to Sprint and they said they couldn't do
anything because I didn't buy the god*mn insurance. Even if I bought
the god*amn insurance I still would have to pay for the god*mn phone.
What's the point of a warranty on a new phone or new product? A
warranty doesn't mean sh*t. A warranty doesn't cover sh*t. Have
you ever read a warranty. The only thing a warranty does is.... let
you take back the phone/product if you never used it. Oh wait, a
receipt does that. So, once again a warranty doesn't do sh*t. F*ck
off warranties!!!! Anyways, I bought a phone with a rebate so the
phone would've have been free after the $50 rebate. I mailed the
rebate in right away so I could get my $50 back for a phone that
doesn't work. So, 4 weeks later I received a post card from Sprint
saying “they can't process my rebate”. Seriously, you can't
process my rebate because my phone needs to be activated for a 30
days!! You mail me a f*cking post card to tell me this! Post cards
are meant for people on vacations, baby announcements, or save the
dates. Yet, you give me a f*cking post card saying I'm not going to
get my $50 rebate! Sh*t, I thought I was going to receive some good
news because I was getting a post card!!! Nope.... not Sprint.
Sprint brings you up to bring you down.
In
conclusion, I bought a new phone for $50 that worked for 5 days and
cracked which I'm unable to use. Warranty doesn't cover dick. So
what I'm trying to say is, start a business and f*ck over your
customers if you want to be successful in life. Die and rot in hell
Mr. F*ckin Sprint!!! I should really write this letter to Sprint
Corporate.
Milwaukee
Brewers vs. Chicago Cubs Tailgate Highlights
Friday
May, 2012
-Did
a beer bong of Heineken.
-My
French friend never did a beer bong. He attempted to do a beer bong
of Coors Light. He failed miserably. He couldn't swallow the beer,
it went on his shirt, and his eyes started tearing up.
-Played
flip cup with Marquette Alumni. Drank a lot of their PBR. Thanks
for the beer if your reading.
-Collected
a half bag of aluminum cans so I can scrap for money. Asked random
people for their cans throughout the parking lot. I even fished
through garbage bags. I've hit an all time low.
-My
flask got taken away from security as I entered the game. Probably a
good thing.
-Stole
a bag of peanuts.
-Drawing
all over Aaron with a permanent pink sharpie..
-Not
watching one single inning of the game.
-Leaving
the game and arriving at my buddies house to watch the end of the
game which lasted until the 13 inning.
Free
Comedy at Potowatomi Casino
Saturday
May 12, 2012
Went
to see a free comedy show of amateur stand up comedians at
Potowatomi. I love stand up comedy. I love free stand up comedy
with no drink minimums. I ordered a $2 water because my mouth was
very “dry” like “cotton”. Hint hint.
As
we were entering the casino, we noticed an old man looking for his
car. It was 9pm and he seemed very lost/confused. He muttered to
me, “I can't find my car”. I said, “what kind of car do you
drive?” He said, “A Hummer”. I laughed and then replied,
“that's the biggest car in here... how can you not find a Hummer?”.
He said, “I know”. I told him, “you must've had a good day in
there”. He ended with “oh yeah”....
Seriously,
the guy couldn't find where he parked his Hummer. Did that just
happen or was I that high? No, that really happened.
There
were only about 24 people who attended this comedy show, which is ok
if your in a small dive bar. But this comedy show is at the Northern
Lights Theater which seats hundreds of people. It must be awkward for
a comedian to do a free show in where 24 people show up in a big
theater. So, the first comedian notices I'm laughing and calling me
Grizzly Adams because I have a massive beard. He references me all
night saying “Grizzly Adams this Grizzly Adams that”. I enjoy
it. Laughs were had by all.
Old
Grandma Jokes
Here
are some grandma jokes I made up but you have to say them in a “Stand
Up Black Comedian Voice”.
My
grandma is so old that she baby sat Adam and Eve!!!!
My
grandma is so old that the apple that Adam and Eve ate was from her
garden!!!!
My
grandma is so old that had a pet Brontosaurus!!!
My
grandma is so old that she was born on Pangaea!!!
My
grandma is so old that she saw the Big Bang and thought it was 4th
of July!!!!
Twos.........
