Bloggy Smloggy 63

Hi.....

Brownie Thunder

This was a blizzard flavor at Dairy Queen. It sounds like what I do after I eat a lot of beans. Beware of the “Brownie Thunder” that is upon us.

CT Scan

A CT Scan in the medical field is a “CAT scan” or computed tomography. In the pervert world a CT Scan, is a “camel toe” scan. It's when you survey your surroundings (bar, library, or grocery store) of some good camel toe. Get a “CT Scan” in, you never know what you might find.

Jackpot

People are always hitting the jackpot at a casino while playing slot machines. Well, I always hit the jackpot when I'm at home. A jackpot is a tea kettle in which a male “releases” himself in. Or a jackpot could be some real good pot you got from a guy named Jack. Or it could be when you get high and you “jack” yourself off. Jackpot has many different meanings. Was does jackpot mean to you?

F*ck Sprint I'm Mad at You

This is where I rant about sprint and swear a lot. I hate you Sprint. I hate you because I bought a new phone from you and the screen cracked 5 days later from being in my pocket. Phone screens don't just crack in your pocket. I went to Sprint and they said they couldn't do anything because I didn't buy the god*mn insurance. Even if I bought the god*amn insurance I still would have to pay for the god*mn phone. What's the point of a warranty on a new phone or new product? A warranty doesn't mean sh*t. A warranty doesn't cover sh*t. Have you ever read a warranty. The only thing a warranty does is.... let you take back the phone/product if you never used it. Oh wait, a receipt does that. So, once again a warranty doesn't do sh*t. F*ck off warranties!!!! Anyways, I bought a phone with a rebate so the phone would've have been free after the $50 rebate. I mailed the rebate in right away so I could get my $50 back for a phone that doesn't work. So, 4 weeks later I received a post card from Sprint saying “they can't process my rebate”. Seriously, you can't process my rebate because my phone needs to be activated for a 30 days!! You mail me a f*cking post card to tell me this! Post cards are meant for people on vacations, baby announcements, or save the dates. Yet, you give me a f*cking post card saying I'm not going to get my $50 rebate! Sh*t, I thought I was going to receive some good news because I was getting a post card!!! Nope.... not Sprint. Sprint brings you up to bring you down.

In conclusion, I bought a new phone for $50 that worked for 5 days and cracked which I'm unable to use. Warranty doesn't cover dick. So what I'm trying to say is, start a business and f*ck over your customers if you want to be successful in life. Die and rot in hell Mr. F*ckin Sprint!!! I should really write this letter to Sprint Corporate.

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Chicago Cubs Tailgate Highlights

Friday May, 2012

-Did a beer bong of Heineken.

-My French friend never did a beer bong. He attempted to do a beer bong of Coors Light. He failed miserably. He couldn't swallow the beer, it went on his shirt, and his eyes started tearing up.

-Played flip cup with Marquette Alumni. Drank a lot of their PBR. Thanks for the beer if your reading.

-Collected a half bag of aluminum cans so I can scrap for money. Asked random people for their cans throughout the parking lot. I even fished through garbage bags. I've hit an all time low.

-My flask got taken away from security as I entered the game. Probably a good thing.

-Stole a bag of peanuts.

-Drawing all over Aaron with a permanent pink sharpie..

-Not watching one single inning of the game.

-Leaving the game and arriving at my buddies house to watch the end of the game which lasted until the 13 inning.

Free Comedy at Potowatomi Casino

Saturday May 12, 2012

Went to see a free comedy show of amateur stand up comedians at Potowatomi. I love stand up comedy. I love free stand up comedy with no drink minimums. I ordered a $2 water because my mouth was very “dry” like “cotton”. Hint hint.

As we were entering the casino, we noticed an old man looking for his car. It was 9pm and he seemed very lost/confused. He muttered to me, “I can't find my car”. I said, “what kind of car do you drive?” He said, “A Hummer”. I laughed and then replied, “that's the biggest car in here... how can you not find a Hummer?”. He said, “I know”. I told him, “you must've had a good day in there”. He ended with “oh yeah”....

Seriously, the guy couldn't find where he parked his Hummer. Did that just happen or was I that high? No, that really happened.

There were only about 24 people who attended this comedy show, which is ok if your in a small dive bar. But this comedy show is at the Northern Lights Theater which seats hundreds of people. It must be awkward for a comedian to do a free show in where 24 people show up in a big theater. So, the first comedian notices I'm laughing and calling me Grizzly Adams because I have a massive beard. He references me all night saying “Grizzly Adams this Grizzly Adams that”. I enjoy it. Laughs were had by all.

Old Grandma Jokes

Here are some grandma jokes I made up but you have to say them in a “Stand Up Black Comedian Voice”.

My grandma is so old that she baby sat Adam and Eve!!!!

My grandma is so old that the apple that Adam and Eve ate was from her garden!!!!

My grandma is so old that had a pet Brontosaurus!!!

My grandma is so old that she was born on Pangaea!!!

My grandma is so old that she saw the Big Bang and thought it was 4^th of July!!!!

Twos.........