Sad Banana # 6 The Credit Card Caper/Identity Theft

Someone Stole "Me"

     I'm just like everyone else when it comes to paying for goods and services, I use a debit/credit card. I usually keep very little cash on me.  It's very convenient to use a card instead of cash. Who the hell wants change back? Who the hell uses pennies anymore? Pennies are as good as garbage nowadays. Yes, credit cards are convenient but conveniency always come with a risk. Every time you use your credit card you put yourself at danger of becoming a victim of fraud. BEWARE!!!!! the cyber criminals are watching you, me, and your loved ones. Just like you, I thought it would never happen to me. Who the hell would want to steal my identity? I'm not that valuable.  Who wants to be me?   Really.... go ahead and steal my identity. Well... it turns out someone did steal my identity.

Here is what some one did as “me” for a day.  This document is from the Fraud Prevention Unit.

Here is what identity fraud looks like.

     I'll tell you right now they did a horrible job stealing my identity. They got my identity all wrong. The first thing they did with my card was charge 25 cents to pay for a parking meter. Okay, I can live with that. I don't mind being taken for 25 cents. I'm sure they plugged the meter to go to YASSA AFRICAN CARRIBEAN STORE where they charged $12.  Hmm.... I'm not going to racial profile or stereotype here but I wonder "who would've stolen my identity?" Hmm... I wonder who would've went to the AFRICAN CARRIBEAN STORE.  Hmm, what can I infer here?
    Then they went to McDonald's I assume because they were hungry from all the shopping they were doing at YASSA AFRICAN CARRIBEAN STORE.   Nothing works up an appetite like identity theft. Not only did they go to McDonald's once...not twice... but 3 times! You could've went anywhere to eat but you chose McDonald's! Seriously, you could've treated yourself to a nice steak joint, sushi, or to a fine cocktail but instead you go to McDonald's!!! I don't know if guilt sunk in more when they stole my identity or when they got diarrhea after eating a few Big Macs?

   After McDonald's they went to another great establishment K Mart and spent $62.66. Then they filled there gas tank with only $20 worth of gas. Not sure why they didn't fill it all the way up. Maybe they felt remorse for me. Finally, they went to QUALITY HAND CAR WASH. Finally, these thieves did something good with my money. They treated themselves to a $18.00 hand car wash.. not a $3.50 Scrub a Dub Car Wash.. but a hand car wash.

    So, there it is, this is what it looks like when you get your identity stolen. You would think someone as a criminal would get essentials and necessities to live life.  Instead they get a hand car wash, go to K Mart, an African Wig Shop, and eat McDonald's 3 times in a day. I'm not pissed that they stole my identity but I'm actually more angry that they went to McDonald's.   

Editor's Note: The word they is referenced 19 times in this story.  They is a reference to "those people". You know who I'm talking about.. "those kind of people". Everyone knows who "those people" are.  If you know what "those kind of people" phrase means your probably racist.. I mean just telling the truth.