Bloggy Smloggy 4

Intro

I think i gave my self a concussion last week.  I hit my head on a door leaving the bar.  The next day I felt hungover, so i neglected the fact that it could've been a concussion.  But 3 days later, I still feel a lil woozy.  I mean my head was bleeding.  I don't need to hit my head and lose brain cells, I need those.  I'm running on empty as we speak.  I want the American Dream but If i can't open doors without hitting myself.  This is the second time I did this to myself.  I have a door phobia.  I hate doors.  I want to live in a world free of doors.  I guess you can call me a "Doork".  Hopefully that will be my only corny joke.

Recession Proof (Taking Expired Medicines)

I took Nyquil that expired 2 years ago in March 2009. That means I'm taking medicine from the last decade. I've been feeling ill but I wanted to stick it to the man and not buy new medicine. So the pack rat that I am, I knew I had some nyquil in the closet. Don't worry I googled “Is it ok to take expired nyquil? The source I read said that most medicines keep up to 10 years, so I knew I was in the clear. I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, so I knew it was working. In Closing, If you have old medicine don't throw it out, use that sh*t!

Salt of the Earth

I'm sick of the Nation we live in. In where we salt every god*mn piece of food we put in are god*mn mouth!!! We are a country that can't enjoy a potato unless it has 5-10 shakes of salt. We are ridden with sodium. Does anyone know what real food taste's like anymore? Like the food we eat, isn't processed enough. “Oh hey, needs a lil salt” “A dash of salt” “D you have any salt for these french fries that I know the cook just salted..... yeah it needs a lil salt”. I'm hating on salt!!!! America enjoy your food with a lil white crystal, I call it “crack food seasoning” for the “food junkie”. Salt is for de icing the snowy streets in winter.

Organic Food

I like organic food, I'm for organic food, but I don't like how its become a marketing trend. Did you know everything “back in the day” like “back back in the day” was organic. Yeah no hormone injected animals, vegetable sprayed with pesticides, or heavily processed foods. Do you think Jesus and the Jews were eating Lean Cuisines, salad pre mixed in a bag, or chickens injected with growth hormones? Probably not, there were eating organic. I mean the life expectancy was about half it is now, so I'm really not making a point. I'm just sick of hipsters going to Whole Foods and eating organic, raw leafy vegetables, and free range grass fed beef. I don't want beef to taste like grass, give me a cow that eats other cows (that's like double the meat). Then, theres people who say organic food is too expensive. F U!!! You can spend your money on a shamwow, a shakewieght, or a slap chop but your not going to buy food that will aid in a healthier immune system. Screw yourself, I hope you die.

Sorry for the health opinion. It's not like I'm anyone to listen too. I'm pretty sure binge drinking is bad for your liver and not a good health option. I could argue that if I was drinking organic beer. Since, its organic it must be good, right? Yeah like organic fried chicken is just great for you. How about organic chitlings? Yum Yum Yum

Things Girl's Say That I'm Going to Start Saying

What Girls Say

“OMG!” Guess What?!?!? “I can't believe I just gave it up to Bobby last night.  I feel like such a slutt!!”

How a Boy Would Say It

Imagine a dude saying “Yeah, I gave it up last night”  "I felt bad, she bought me dinner and flowers... so i felt like i owed her sex" and then having regrets about it. Yeah..ok....(sarcastically)were dudes will take anything that breathes, has udders, and a hole to “throw it in”.

or

What girls say

“OMG!! I forgot to take my birth control pill last night”

How a Boy Would Say It

"Man I forgot to put a condom on last night. I'm so worried  Should I take plan b!!  What Should I do?"

Aka he would be like "Man I did her with no rubber! Awesome Man!!!!!

I guess girls, always start with “OMG” when they begin sentences.

Pre Wrap

Trust me. This is going to be the hottest trend that is going to sweep the young and responsible drinking crowd. That is pre wrapping! Pre Wrapping is the art of a putting on a condom before you go out. It's a full proof method against unwanted pregnancies and stds. All you have to do is put a condom on before you go out and get drunk. That way when it comes to boning a chick later that evening, you will already be wrapped up. Don't worry about the little things about going to the bathroom or a flacid penis. I haven't gotten that far. I plan to test it out this weekend. I'll let you know when I work out the kinks. Maybe, ill poke a hole in it, that'll work. Don't be left out, Pre Wrap!!

My First Drug Deal Kinda.. Sorta... Not Really... Actually Not at All

Well some guy at work wanted me to get him some painkillers like vicodin. So, I know a friend of a notorious drug dealer in Milwaukee. I don't know if he is notorious but it makes the story sound better. So, my guy at work wants some pills, so I'm thinking he wants a couple of painkillers. He puts in a order of 20 vicodins. I'm thinking this is way too big for my first drug deal. I thought I would start with an eighth of pot or something, not $140 worth of painkillers. I pick up my friend “Earthy A” (friend of drug dealer) and we go to pick up the drugs. As were driving, I ask him the gameplan. You know were about to make a “big score” here. So, I tell him, I'll wait in the car and if I see cops, I'll honk the horn twice. He chuckles it off and says, “come inside for the experience”. We get into the house and make small talk with one of Milwaukee's Most Feared Drug Dealer aka a college frat boy who could've passed for Pauly D from Jersey Shore. He offers me weed, so I don't decline and smoke pot. After 3 or 4 hits I'm ripped, I'm high as the heavens right now. I forgot why I even came to this dude's house in the first place. But we talk about the transacation and the deal goes down. Boom, I made my first drug deal. But if you think about it, I was the middle man for this drug deal. I made no money, put myself at risk if the cops pulled me over, and there also could've been a “drug bust” while I was there. All for hooking up a friend at work. I guess I wanted to feel like a villian. I wanted to fill like Al Pacino in Scarface. Don't we all??? In review, I guess I made a good middle man. I would give my drug dealing experience a 7/10. There's some drug lingo I need to work on but I feel like I really connected with the drug dealer with my personality. I feel we will have more successful drug deals in the future. I look forward to working with you in the future. Case Closed.

Weed Hangovers Man......

The next day my guy from work picked up his drugs. I had a weed hangover, these do exist. You are there physically but mentally you are hollow as pumpkin. You feel dumb as rocks, not sedimentary rocks but a igneous rock. Igneous rocks are dumb as hell, hence why I felt dumb. Whatever, metamorphic rocks are the best because any rock can become a metamorphic rock. Now that's some heavy sh*t. Sedimentary rocks are only estimated to be only 5% of the total volume of the crust anyways. So skip those rocks too, literally. I thought I would tie in some rock history.

Outro (that kinda doesn't make sense, you have to be in brain to understand)

I'm a pushover.. a get outta my way and move over... but most of all a hangover not to be confused with hungover (like as in im hung because I'm not.. but I"m over being hung for example I know I'll never be hung.  I'll let ladies like me for my charm not my c*ck). Actually..I'm all over...