Reflection
Well “The American Dream” is far fetched and even further away as my job is in limbo. I have found out I have 60 days left at my place of employment. I can reapply for a newly created position or I can fall into the pits of the “American Wet Dream”. With that being said, I'm not sure. But don't fret loyal readers my blogging days are long from over. The VP of Blogging hasn't shut me down and told me I couldn't blog (my one true passion in life). If I can't type about boners, skid marks on my underwear, and doing Ms. Piggy, I don't know what I'll do with my life. I pray to the Blog Gods they don't take away blogging.
Courtesy Flush- Lets Rethink this Courtesy
I know I should do this, but I don't, and that is the courtesy flush. I don't believe in the courtesy flush. The courtesy flush is an outdated practice. Yeah, I could see you doing the courtesy flush in the 80s when flushing mechanism's were soft and gentle. But we live in the age of the industrial power flush where flushes are unpredictably rapid. Every time I courtesy flush, toliet water hits my balls. I realize I have some big nuts but imagine an old dude with some hangers. I almost guaranteed his balls are inches from toliet level water. I'm sure if I'm grandpa wanted to dip his balls in toliet water, he could. I could see him just marinating his balls in some “poo stew” but I don't really want to talk about my grandpa pooping or his balls in a toliet. In retrospect, I don't want “nasty dirty fecal water mixed with urine” hitting my balls. That's why i'm againist the courtesy flush. You can deal with my horrid scent. That's why man invented aerosal, candles, matches, blue 2000, and scented toliet pedals. Take that and flush it down your toliet.
Facebook- It's a Book of Faces.
Is facebook really a social network? Is socializing really considered, in your room by yourself with the door closed looking at photos of your friends, stalking a girl you like, or liking someone's comment. Hmmm.... last time I checked that was being a frickin voyuer you sick twisted bastard! Socializing is going out, talking with friends, enjoying a beverage, being out and about doing recreational activities. I never thought surfing the web while on facebook was a social network. Your not on the internet highway, your a hitchhiker trying to get a lift. Maybe an anti social network. Facebook is probably decreasing the amount of peeping toms in the world because now there a click away. Which is good, people can peep from their rooms and not do it the old fashioned way and look through people's windows. I guess were all cyber peeping toms now.
Digital Cruster
If your looking for some hilarity go to my guy's website to listen to smut radio done right. He does podcasts. Great for a long drive or if you have a office job (great to listen to while filing and doing clerical work). Why not file some papers and listen to Henze Bomb talk about booze, pot, and cheap hookers. Please check out the link and support a local cruster. http://digitalcruster.libsyn.com/
Bad Ideas
-Blogging about how I made a drug deal in a previous blog
-Buying produce from aldis ( a low end food store)
-Owning a pink plastic penis
Man Man
I'm full of man drama. I'm a man diva. Basically, I'm a chick in a man's body. I listen to “poon tunes”. I have man periods but as we know I don't bleed from my mangina, I bleed from my butthole. That's it. I just made a discovery. I don't have hemmrhoids, its my man period. In fact, guys don't have hemmrhoids, its there man period. Think about it but we don't have man pons (tampons) for our b holes though. I have a man stick. You can put man in front of any word and it becomes masculine. For example,
“Look at those man boobs.”
“Did you smell that man fart?”.
“Wow, that's a lot of man cum!”
“Look at that man woman”
“I totally took the biggest man poop today”
These are just everyday things we say with the word man in front of them. You know everyday phrases that you hear everyday.
Practice Abstinence or Have Sex with Dudes
You know the term that doctors, nurses, and/or fighters of stds what are they called oh yeah abstinence users. They always say, “You know every person your girlfriend has slept with, you have slept with.” WTF!!! That means if my future wife had sex with 5 people, I've had sex with those 5 dudes. So your telling me I've slept with more dudes than chicks. So, if I have a one night stand with a chick who has slept with over 20 dudes. That means having a one night stand where I thought I was only sleeping with one chick. In fact its turn out that 2 minutes of me thrusting that girl turned into me sleeping with 20 dudes. Godd*mnt! Godd*mnt! I was just looking to plug a hole, and now I've slept with the sleeziest dudes in the Midwest. If this is, in fact a true sexual equation, I've had more sex with dudes than Ricky Martin. Well, I hope there isn't scientific evidence that backs this statement. If this is a true, shouldn't I be sleeping with a hot hetersexual dude because he probably has banged tons of hot chicks. So then, that means I've had sex with all these hotties. I can just go to his facebook page after I banged this dude and look at all his hot chick friends that he banged and just imagine I banged all of them.
Rob Schneider is Awesome!!!
This could be the greastest site of all time! www.robschneider.com One of the great comedians of our time. Move over Will Ferrell, Jim Carrey, and Seth Rogen. It's Rob Schnieder!! He just released a comedy album is on tour and you know that I will follow him on Twitter. He also has got a new sitcom on CBS. I just got a instant boner.
Youtube Video of the Week- Anti Drug Ad by the Turtles
F Valentine's Day
What a joke of a Day. I hope all you so called happy couples have a crappy time. I hope you don't enjoy your day at all. I hope you get flowers from your significant other and the flowers are dead. I hope the cook at the restaurant your eating at spits in your food. I hope you both have heart attacks. I hope you lose your job on valentine's day. I hope you get a stuffed bear with one eye, a broken arm, and it gets run over by a car. I hope you get dumped. I hope you lose the feeling of ever being happy again. I hope your friends defriend you on facebook. I'm not bitter at all.
Scream don't Holla!!!
oh man, i shouldn't have been eating my breakfast while reading about your "courtesy flushes". Thanks for helping me diet and throw up my breakfast.
ReplyDeletelove nudedude!!
i want to like your comment but it's not like facebook where this is a like button. just letting you know that i like it.
ReplyDelete