bloggy smloggy 17

Intro/ Polish Sausage

My breath is horrid because I just sucked down a polish sausage.  For some reason I had this urge to have a polish sausage.  So, you know what i did.  I took down that polish sausage and gave it hell.  I totally demolished that sausage.  There's nothing better than a polish sausage in my mouth.  I like polish sausages better than brats, hot dogs, or Italian sausages because they are longer and girthier.  Well, enough of my sausage talk.  Lets get into the blog.

A Bucket List is for Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson's

Screw a Bucket List. A Bucket List is something you want to do before you die. Well, there's not many things I want to accomplish before I die. But I do have a Suckit List. It's a list of all the girls in the world who I want to suck me off before I die.

Top 9 Suckit List (in no particular order)

Lindsay Lohan- In her prime when she was filming Mean Girls.

Kim Kardashian- Before she dated Ray J, Reggie Bush, Miles Austin, and random other Professional Athletes.

The lady from the Nanny- Something about those lips and her voice just excites me.

Erin Andrews- ESPN reporter. So I can say “my wiener was in her mouth” every time she is reporting a college football game.

Betty White- I've always wanted to get head from someone on the Golden Girls.

Jasmine (from Aladdin)- Jasmine is hot and you know it! Way better than the Little Mermaid!

An Old Elementary Teacher- You could tell all your friends you got head from your old math teacher.

Any girl from the Friends- I hate that show! But, most of the girls are hot except Phoebe.

Halle Berry- I respect her too much. I'll let her give me a hand j. Cross her off the list

Obviously, none of these girls are going to give me head, so I'll just default to every girl in the world for my Suckit List. Email me your suckit list and why and I'll post if for next blog. Email nakednudedude@gmail.com. I would like to have a girls perspective, if any girls read this. Please email me with your list.  

Little Things I get Nervous About: Checkout Lanes

I was at Target shopping for a few items, which eventually turned into a lot of items. I was not sure how many items I had but I had a basketful. I was ready to check out and I stared down the “10 items or less” checkout lane with animosity. Do I take the chance and pray to the Gods that I don't have more than 10 items? Or do I just play it safe and go to the regular checkout lane? Well, I tensed up and went to the regular checkup lane in fear of being frowned upon by the Target cashier. I was at the regular checkout lane and counted my items. There were only 9 items! “Godd*mn't!!” I said in my head.” I was pissed at myself, why did i do this?!?!. No worries although the self checkout lane was just as fast the “10 items or less lane”. But, it wasn't about going through the express lane. It was about if I had 10 items or less. This has been the first article about “Little Things I get nervous about”.

Hot Chicks

I was in the mall the other day and I noticed this very gorgeously hot woman. I stared for a brief second and we locked eyes. She kind of smirked at me, so I quickly looked away. Then, I told my friend who I was walking with," look at this chick, she is super hot". We made eye contact again and then she said, “Hey how's it going?” Then it hit me, I know this chick. It ended up being my friend's girlfriend. I knew she wasn't hitting on me. How foolish can I be? Did I really think this chick was hitting on me? But I still got the placebo effect of feeling good that she knew me, even though she wasn't hitting me, nonetheless, I was talking to a hottie mchotterson. I felt great. It's truly awesome to know hot chicks because they sure boost your self esteem. You also feel really cool around them because pedestrians around you might mistakenly think your dating her. Thank you hot chick at the mall for talking to me and making me look real cool at the mall in front of my friend.

Awesome Fact

You know its legal to date someone who was born in 1990 all the way up to 1993. I mean I never thought of the day. God bless America.

No Need to Excuse Yourself

Current Events

Fast Five- I'm not sure how they made 5 of these movies. Somehow... somehow... They are still making Fast & Furious movies. Apparently Vin Diesel is a huge draw. But I'm not surprised at all, I guess. Horrible acting +fast cars+things that blow up+ chicks with big tits+ very little to no plot so the audience can follow and not think about anything+ quirky not so funny one liners that try to be witty + The Rock or Vin Diesel = the greatest movie ever made.

Spam mail

Why is meet mature experienced women in my spam mail? That should be in my regular inbox. I want to meet mature experienced women. Why is Meet Asian singles in my spam box as well? I want to find quality Asian singles. What the heck? I want to find cougars on the Internet. Hey Yahoo! Yeah, you Mr. Yahoo. Stop putting these meet me dating site emails in my spam folder. What if I'm lonely and want to meet singles around the area? I usually just delete my spam folder but not anymore, there's a goldmine of single seniors, cougars, and Asians on this site.

Recession Free Tip of the Week

Don't poop at home before work. I don't care if it takes you 1 hour to get to work. Save that poop for the workplace. Your saving on toilet paper and the cost of the flush of the toilet. Now, that might add up to about 20-30 cents per day but if you do that daily at work. Imagine the savings involved. Your saving a $1 a week, $ 4 a month, and $48 per year. Think of what you can do with an extra $48? You can buy international pornography, an expensive bottle of liquor and drink Manhattan's, or get box of magnums and masturbate in them. You can buy the world!!

Twos