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Letter From Editor

I'm letting you guys know that i did not edit this one bit.  I usually edit and look for grammatical errors and spell check contrary to popular belief.  But believe when i say, "this is not edited". 

Intro/Biking

I've been riding my bicycle to work a lot lately. It's been nice to just clear my thoughts and just ride. It's about a 30 minute bike ride, so I get a lot of time to lament. Being that it's a half and hour ride, it does major chafing damage to my ball sack. There is constant friction between my balls and my bike seat. I might wear a maxi pad just to soften the blow. By the time I'm done with my bicycle ride, my balls are on fire from pain. They are tingling, not the good kind of tingle, the irritated tingle. Sorry, gold bond, your no match for this. But I'm doing my part. I'm going green and saving gas but also at the same time I'm increasing my chance of testicular road rash.

For the Love of the Game

So one night before I got ready for bed. I like how we say we have to “get ready” for bed. You mean lie down and close your eyes. Anyways, not the point of this journal entry. I had a hard time falling asleep one night. I realized it was because I had a huge boner. I mean my dick was begging me to jack off before bed. If it could talk it would've said,“please, look at me, down here”. I mean I was rock hard while in my queen sized bed just tossing and turning. Enough was enough. I finally give in and started stroking my meat. I was like “ok, I can do this”. I don't need a magazine or a porno site, I'll just use my imagination. So, a minute in which is approximetly 20-25 strokes, I gave up. Yeah, you heard me. I gave up. This was the first time in 14 years of beating off that I gave up. This was the first time I legitmtly gave up on my own pretense. There has been times where I had to stop in fear of being caught but this was on my own will. Now masterbation analysts are questioning my love for the jack game. I still love this sport, that's all I've known since my tween years. I don't know any other thing. I'm in this for life. So, if your questioning my passion. Think twice because I came back in a fury the next day.

It's National Mastercelebation Week

Here is the list of the days and how you can celebrate each day. Men everywhere celebrate this week yearly. It's a Mastercelebation!!!!!!

Masterbate Monday

Touch me Tuesday

Wack it Wednesday

Touch me again Thursday

Freak myself Friday

Sodomize me Saturday

Stroke it Sunday

How to solve martial disputes

I'm going to solve marriage disputes and lower the divorce rate in this country. You ask me, “How?”. Simple. Give each other head.  Its the lack of going down on each other that's hurting marriages everywhere. Give more spouse to spouse head. Right after work. People say they need to unwind after work. What a better way to unwind than to receive some dome. Next time you see an argument happen just go down. Tell'em Nude Dude sent ya!! Go down!!!

poop texts from my a guy named twat

Here are some texts from a buddy of mine named twat. He likes to talk about poop.

5/17/11 1:20pm- “I just found out you are supposed to use the crapper closet to the door. It is used the least”

5/19/11 7:25pm- “By the way I was traveling yesterday and I held my poo until 8pm”

5/19/11 7:28pm- “3 major poops today”

5/23/11 7:28am- “Think about how much poop you have pooped your whole life. If it was all in one place. Would it fill the whole bathroom?”

He does raise some very interesting and thought provoking questions. Really, think about how much poop you have pooped in your life? How much space would it take and why? I would love to know your thoughts.

Email me with your answers and why at nakednudedude@gmail.com and I'll put them on the next blog.

My Wonderful Weekend

Brewers vs Rockies Tailgate May 21^st, 2011

Me & My Buddy Aaron

3:00pm- We go to the liqour store and pick up a bottle of rum for $7.99, 12 pack of Schiltz, and a flask.

3:30pm- Were in line waiting to purchase $1 tickets. While waiting in line, this one guy calls me out for drinking schlitz. This is coming from a guy who is unshaven, smells like a wet otter, and is drinking Keystone Light. This guy had the audacity to tell me that Schlitz will give me gut rot but his beer, keystone light, is king of all beers. He goes on to tell us that he has 30 Keystone Lights in his backpack, he just got his Masters Degree, and that it's his last day of his bus pass so he has abused the hell out of it.

4:30pm- We tailgate with some friends, play a little bags, eat a few hot dogs, and chum it up.

6:30pm- We head into the game, as my flask is stuffed in my underwear. Yummm..... I love underwear booze!!!

7:30- We fill up our sodas with a flask each. There is about 8 ozs of Rum in my flask, so I dump it all in my soda which was $4.50. We find some random seats in the top row. We are feeling mighty good right now. During our stay in the upper deck, we look 2 rows up, and witness a young man puking in his seat. We talked to the fans next to us and they told us, 'yeah that's the second time that happened”.

He clears two rows of seating as know one wanted to sit by vomit. Understandable.

I lose track of time but we end up bumping into some random older folks. We find out there life story. They've been both divorced and remarried each other. He shows us a viagara pill which the wife does not about. Throughout the convo, this guy is bashing women which is not cool. As the wife leaves the conversation, he refers to her as a cunt. I end up getting this guy's number and give him the link to my buddy's podcast. We eventually leave this “happy” couple and continue our journey at Miller Park.

Later that Evening as Details get Fuzzy at  Nightclub...

-My buddy Aaron buys a round of shots to 3 ladies totaling $50. A few hours later we probably realize they were prostitutes

-I question my sexuality as a gay guy shows interest in me. I like the fact he is giving me attention. I probably lead him on all night. Towards the end of the night that same gay guy throws a whole drink at me and runs out the bar. The bouncer asks me if I know that guy. I decline and take a taxi home.

The End