Bloggy Smloggy 16'

My Super Sweet Sixteen 

Yippy Yip Yipper Do!!!! Number 16!!  I hope my daddy buys me a new car and throws me the biggest party so everyone will talk about it. I'm going to wear the prettiest dress to my party and be the envy of all my friends. I love being the slut of attention. OMG'ERS enjoy my bloggy. Later Sluts!!!!!

Scared to be Gee

I'm scared to be gay. Why? You might ask. Because every time I go into a men's locker I'm scared of looking at a dude's penis and then getting aroused. But at the same time, I'm curious to see how big there dongs are. I just want to see what a big wiener looks like. That's not gay, is it? I mean bigger is better, right? In theory, I might be slightly below average. I like how I say might in the previous sentence when in reality I know I am slightly below average. I'm not saying you should feel sorry for me. All I'm saying is, that I'm frightened to look at locker room one eyed monsters, in fear of being gay by getting turned on.  I guess that's called homophobia. More like boner phobia, when a straight man gets hard by looking at another man's flacid penis. I don't know anymore. I feel like I have a point in this. I'm sure there are others who feel the same way I do. You know who you are.

I bought my first bottle of wine (please read sarcastically)

I'm uppity. I'm chic. I'm trendy. I'm glassy. I'm a wine snob. I look down on you. I bought a bottle of $2.99 wine called the Winking Owl. It's a Merlot. No Big Deal. Full bodied, slight aroma, hint of vanilla. Bold yet Shy. Sassy but naive. You know this is wine talk. You guys don't understand me. This is above your head. Obviously, this pairs well with steak, pork, or pasta. Subtle flavors of black cherry and mixed berries. Best when served between 55 and 60 degrees. I mean I enjoy a nice glass of wine after work, while watching a CBS sitcom show solving a sudoku puzzle. Ba ha ha ha(rich arrogant laugh) Get on my level and cash in those miller lites and start drinking an arrogant intoxicant like wine.

Awkardddddddddd........ “The limping man”

I was at work and this guy was limping in the hallway. I felt like I should've broken the ice, so I said, “So did you sprain your ankle?” He responded in disdain, “No, I got shot”. Then slowly hobbled away. I didn't know what to say. I just stared blankly at his response dumbfounded but what he just said.

Random Fact of the Blog

I love Tim Tebow so much that my check card image is of the Denver Broncos.

Bieber Fever

When did all these high school kids want to get there hairstyle after some Canadian Teenager named Justin Bieber? I guess they realized they could all be getting hj's with that style of cut. I'm sure since they got there hair styled after Bieber, they've been getting way more heavy petting than they ever did before. I'm sure there getting 5 handy's per month now. Get a life, teenagers who copy Bieber. Define your own self and your own style. Stop trying to look like a middle aged lesbian aka Justin Bieber. I guess if that style works, maybe I”ll get the Bieber.

$841.00 Later

Remember when I went to the hospital for stitches in my hand for my birthday last year.  Yeah, that was $841.00 in hospital bills after insurance.  $841.00 Later......

Things normal people do that I don't do very well: spitting

I just realize I suck at spitting. A couple of days ago when I got out of my car. I spit and it landed right on my shoe. What the heck? Should I start swallowing? Or should I continue to spit? Then recently I was in the shower and hocked a lugie (aka spit) on to my pubes. What the heck again? I know my pubes are a pretty big target but they don't extend that far out. I have a problem spitting on myself. Maybe I'm sub consciously degrading myself every time I spit on me. It could be that I have a self poor image. Or I just don't have a strong mouth structure to projectile flem from my mouth. Either way I need to learn how to spit. This also happens when I try to spit out of the car window. It usually ends up all over the back window or in worst cases the backseat.

My Wonderful Weekend

I went to my second Milwaukee Brewers Game of the season. I don't remember much but from what I'm told is I made a deal. I ended up selling an old Brewers jacket for $28.00 that I found cleaning an apartment when I worked for my friend's dad who owned rental properties. At first the person offered me $20, then I upped it to $25, but then I got courageous and said $30. He said sure and bought it for his fiancee and gave me a $20 bill and a fistful of dollars that totaled $28. So, I took the money and made out like a bandit. I don't make a very good business man or do I?

Suckingham Palace

I want to go to a magical place called Suckingham Palace. I need say no more.

Poop Not Sh*t

Well, it didn't even take one blog for me to resort back to my favorite subject. I told you I can't run away from this. It keeps calling my name. I need it. I'm addicted. Well, what if the word sh*t didn't exist? What would we say instead of sh*t? Well we would say poop, duh. Here is every phrase that we use the word sh*t in, but substituted with the word poop. I don't swear so I say poop. 

Here's the list.

you poophead, your poop of out of luck, ahh poop, that's horse poop, the weather is poopy, bullpoop, what the poop?, I got to use the pooper, i'm sick of dealing with this poop, your full of poop, you can't bullpoop a bullpooper, poop is going down, that's some good poop, poooppppp......, poop's hitting the fan, what a poopy ending?, it was a real poop show, ain't this some poop, I don't have time for this poop!, your on my pooplist. I got to drop the bigget poop, poop is getting deep in here, that's some real poop., stop pooping around.

If you have anymore please add them to my list. I thought I covered a lot of phrases with sh*t in it.  This is literally a pile of poop (phrases).

Deep Thought of the Day

poop smelled backwards is poop but sh*t spelled backwards is this