Bloggy Smloggy 21

Intro

I never know what to write here.  It's whatever comes to my mind.  Right now I'm shooting blanks.

What are Seamen Tears?

I wrote “seamen tears” on a note to myself and pondered on what it meant. I'm not sure what “seamen tears” was supposed to mean.  Here are some thoughts of seamen tears could mean.  It could be of a sad man pleasuring himself. Or it could be of a man who found the greatest porn of all time and he was so belated that he started crying. There were of tears of joy, they were seamen tears. Maybe it could mean that everytime you masterbate, your dick is so depressed that you never get laid and instead of cumming, it's really tears that's coming from your penis not seamen. So, there you have it. I explained what seamen tears means. I hope you find this article somewhat useful.

My Wonderful Weekend

Friday Chill Nights with a guy named Stephanie

Friday May 27

Me and my buddy Stephanie go out Friday's and chill drink. Chill drinking is having no more than 4 beers a night. It's that mid range jumper in the game of basketball. This Friday Night took us to Trinity, an Irish bar. We posted up at a table at 10:30 for about 3 hours analyzing the girls that walked passed us to see if they made eye contact. We have a system in place to see if chicks would smile at us, give us a double take, or use any kind of body language to see if they showed interest. We even took in consideration which way there body was facing and their promixty to us. We have developed a very intricate program to see if any chicks were checking us out. It turned out, we were doing the creeping and stalking that night. He ended up talking to a lawyer, a doctor in training, and ended up giving his phone number on a napkin to the waitress. I ended up talking to a girl who had slight moustache. Stephanie has a better mid range jumper than I do apparently. Oh yeah, at the end of the night, we see a couple of acquaintances who buy us three shots (jaeger, ketel one vodka, and a cinnamon toast crunch shot). We end up doing these in 15 minutes before we leave. Oh well, for chill night.

Nude Dude Learns How to Salsa

Saturday May 28

Went to a girl's going away party at The Wherehouse. It's a salsa club. There was a $10 cover but I sneaked my way in. Karma hit me hard later that night as I lost $20. But don't think nude dude was going out like a punk. You know I had that flask tucked away in my sports coat. They had free salsa lessons before the night started, so I learned the basic steps. Who cares about the salsa lessons lets get back to getting drunk. I feel like the better I dress the drunker I can get. I can get 'assuming drunk' when I dress nice because the bouncer will be like, “This guy is not drunk. He's in a sport coat. He has a collard shirt and a nice belt. There is no way this guy didn't pay cover, sneak in a flask, and touch women inapropriatly ”. So I order 2 sodas at $2 a piece and act unassuming drunk. I was given a number that night which was kinda of cool by a 22 year old. It was her birthday, she was with her parents, and it was the first time she said she's ever been out. We danced for about 15 minutes as her parents watched us from a distance. I'm glad I was part of her first bar experience. The night didn't stop there. My friend (a guy named Stephanie) picked me up from the club and we went to Flannery's. Why do I always end up at Irish bars? I knew the bar back (long hair Tony) he hooks me with a rum and coke. I should've asked for a coke, he made it pretty strong. I wasn't pleased with the drink and went to the bathroom and made it even stronger with the rest of the rum in my flask. I get back to the table we were chilling out at and I find a nice little shot waiting for me. Gulp, it's gone, now i'm back to my rum downed drink (think watered down drink). It's dance time! I hit the dance floor and grind with as many chicks as possible. I'm getting boners left and right! I can't keep up with all the boners I'm getting. Thick chicks are backing me up in the 3 point stance. This one chick is making out with me with her tailgate breath consisting of brats, mike hard lemonade, jello shots, and miller lite. It's gross and she eventually diappears. I have had enough of the night. I go home but realize I left my keys at my buddy's house. I have to crawl in my bedroom window. Good night

Origin of Poon Platoon 

I'm not sure if I mentioned the Poon Platoon but if I didn't here it is. The Poon Platoon was established in the Fall of 2010 by a few buddies of mine dedicated to the art of getting laid. The Poon Platoon however, hasn't had a really successful run. One of the members is married, one's does podcasts, and the other is a creeper (me). The Poon Platoon will see it's glory like the pyramids of Egypt and the rise of Rome one day. I've developed some Poon Platoon tips to help my pathetic friends get laid. Here's the Poon Platoon tip of the week from nude dude.

Poon Platoon Tip of the Week

The Old Expired Condom Gag

I always take an expired condom when I go out because if I ever have a one night stand, I can be like, “yeah, I have a condom” but then act surprised it's expired and won't work. Then I'll have to explain to her that we can't use this expired condom because it won't work. I guess I'll just do you with no rubber, woes me.  Works everytime. 

How to Not Pick Up Dog Poop

I never and I mean never, pick up my dog's poop when I take my mom's dog for a walk. He has been dropping fatties all over the eastside. The trick is while your dog is pooping, walk over to said spot, bend down, and look at the ground. Then yell to yourself, “Oh nothing to see here. It looks he didn't go”. Then, quickly make a run for it. Recently, my mom's dog dropped a juicy K9 turd on University of Wisconsin Milwaukee. Good Boy!!!!

Digital Cruster Podcast 8

If you want more filth go to www.digitalcruster.com and upload the new digital cruster podcast 8.  Or you can find it on itunes and become a subscriber.  It's Free Filth what more do you sickos want than free!!!!!   It features Henze Bomb and Naked Guy along with Nik and a interview with Sam Thompson, indie film maker, who once ate cereal out of his chest divot.

Twos.......