Bloggy Smloggy 27

Intro

I guess a hot chick reads this blog, that's really cool. This is for you hot chick. I kind of got a boner when I found that out. But then I realized it's not like I can use it on her. What hot chick is going to read this and be like, “I wanna f*ck this guy!”. There is nothing that is romantic or that would turn a girl on about this blog ( being cheap, dingle berries, and pre mature ejaculation).   This blog is dedicated to all the hotties and all the notties.

Do you know where the wieghtroom is?

If sex was weightlifting, I would get like 6-8 reps in before I'm done. I wouldn't even do a full set of reps, they would be half-repping (just like someone I know). I would do one set of 6-8 abdominal thrusts and be depleted. There would be no warm up because of the fear of exhaustion (aka climax). My cool down would be me being the little spoon sucking my thumb.

Random Fact of Blog

I recently cashed my tax return check. It was a whopping $590.00. I literally cashed it in before work. So, the whole day I had $590.00 in my back shorts pocket.

The Pointer and the Finger in the Middle

Did you know the middle finger is half of the peace sign? The middle finger is one finger less than the symbol that represents harmony, happiness, and the ideal world. One middle finger means “i hate you” and then by simply adding the pointer finger, your saying “hey man lets get along”. What a finger can symbolize? I mean the peace sign is also the universal sign for fingering.  Did you know that?  Look at your fingers and do the peace sign then put them together and slightly bend them.  Yep, now your peace sign is a "fingering sign".  If you give that sign it means your going to finger a chick or your saying peace. Hmm.. I wonder has anyone hate fingered a girl, and just fingered her with the middle finger?  That's my random finger talk.

I have funny looking nipples

I was staring at my body in the bathroom mirror. Not like staring staring, but kind of just looking at myself before you take a shower, ya know. I noticed my nipples looked stranged. They looked extra red and dark brown. They haven't received sun lately, so I don't think I had second degree burnt nipples. Maybe my nipples are transforming into my American Indian nipples, since I'm native american. It took me 29 years to grown into these “Chief Blackhawk looking nipples”. I'm proud of these pepperoni nipples. They are almost rectangular looking. These ain't nips, these are nubs.

Man + Hug = Mug

I love a good mug. I man hug all my man friends. I'm going to start hugging guys like how I hug girls. At first, its awkward but hey they get used to it. That's what mugs should be all about. Lets not pussyfoot around and put one arm between are bodies. Let's go in for the real hug. I'm sick of these homophobic hugs males give to each other. “Hey, if your a dude and I haven't seen you in awhile, I'm hugging you like my auntie that I haven't seen in years”. Beware, because your getting a full on hug!! Your getting mugged!!!!

Summerfest Day 7 Highlights

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros/G. Love & Special Sauce

Thursday July 7, 11

-Pre game, yep you guessed it with my good ol fashioned rum and cokes

-Had to fix my car's headlight so we (me & my bro) could drive to summerfest and park. I didn't want to drive with one headlight because I knew we would get pulled over. So, I popped in a new headlight and was ok to drink and drive.

-Snuck in yet another batch of “crum”.

-Edward Sharpe was so drunk and off key we left. We went to Yonder Mountain String Band. Kids kept asking me if I had a piece (a smoking utensil). There were too many hippies so we left.

-Went to G. Love & Special Sauce and ended up 5^th row!!

-Saw my skeezy cousin skeezing on some hoe with fake boobs. That was cool.

-Slapped by multiple chicks by “booping” them. It's where you touch their nose and go “boop”. I think it's cute but for some reason a lot of people don't.

-Bought my first 2 beers at summerfest and paid $5.50 for them each. I felt like I needed to support them.

-Went to a bikini contest at Buckheads but was so drunk I didn't care to look at the chicks.

-Ended the night at Jimmy Johns, the door was locked but they ended up letting us in and making our subs anyways. I ended up stealing a bag of chips.

-My friend drove us to our car after Jimmy Johns, so I could drive my brother safely home sober at 3am in the morning after a night of binge drinking rum and cokes.

Wonderful Weekend

The Birth of Throwdown

Friday July 8, 2011

Who is the throwdown? Who is this character you speak of? Throwdown is alter ego of mine, just as naked guy or nude dude is alter ego of mine. Throwdown is a clubber who is very much like “the situation” from Jersey Shore. No one f*cks with throwdown, yet throwdown never backs it up. He is an illusion of a pillpopping meathead who slams drinks, shots, and women. Yet, Throwdown gets no chicks, does no drugs, and does not fight. Throwdown is only “throwdown” when he is wearing his “throwdown” t shirt that is bedazzled with the word “throwdown”. This shirt is tight fit and best of all has two skulls on his chest and other ye olde lettering. Remember, nobody f*cks with throwdown or you best get beat. Throwdown is now taking public appearances. So if you wanna see throwdown throwdown, get at me. Like Throwdown says, “slow down before you get thrown down”.

Let the Throwdown Saga Begin......

Cookout/Power Hour

Saturday July 8, 2011

-After doing Summerfest and developing my new alter ego, rest was in store.

-We had a cookout and watched the brewer game outside on our TV.

-Later that evening we did a power hour to 80s cartoons and tv shows that's on youtube. It's the greatest power hour invented. I admit I had a weak performance and only had like 3 beers. We made things interesting by saying if you guess 3 shows in a row you can tell someone to drink half there beer and if you got 5 correct that person had to do a shot. We never made it that far. Goodnight, it was curtains for me.