Summerfest Intro
Dear Summerfest,
I've been going to you since I was a child. It all started with the arcade and just hanging out. But now it's grown to listening to music and getting hammered. This is the happiest time for me in Milwaukee. This is when the city has the most energy. I've seen musical acts such as War, Pharrell, Offspring, Matisyahu, Earth, Wind, & Fire, and Morris Day & the Time. Each year is as fun as the next. I have seen a lot of changes, a lot of fights, and a lot of drunks. You are the biggest party to man, where all ages come together and just get hammered the Milwaukee Way. I've done a lot of stupid stuff to you and have even snuck in. Here's a recap of the days I have went. Hopefully, some of you will come down and party with me. But I'm sure after reading this you will not want or be like "wow this guy is so cool!"
Sincerely,
Your #1 Fan
Summerfest Day 1
Hall & Oates Concert
Wednesday June 29,2011
Pre gamed at my house from 8-9ish and made Ziploc baggies of rum for me and my buddy. I've done this plenty of times and have failed miserably but I've learned from my mistakes. If your going to make “crotch rum”, double bag it you don't want a leaker. Also, wear boxer briefs or tight fighting underwear you don't want it to fall out. Placement is crucial, you need to tuck it in the “gooch”, the place where duck butter is made. Sure, you'll have a little “smegma” on it but that's why you double bag it. Also, another great plus is, no one wants to drink crotch rum, so you have a whole drink to yourself. I snuck in a Ziploc bag of Rum (2-3 shots worth) in my underwear and then bought a Pepsi. Security will check you pretty good so I've developed many ways to sneak in booze.
The Hall and Oates concert was jam packed but we managed (4 of us) to get 3rd row, thanks to my buddy Aaron who squirmed his way through. I definitely had to pee the whole time because of all the crotch rum I was drinking but didn't want to leave, so my friend blocked me and I peed in 12oz plastic cup in between the bleacher rows. It was a success! At one point I took my buddy's shirt off and threw his under shirt on stage. I hope it reached one of the band members. I'm still not sure which one is Hall and which one is Oates. I also got one of their guitar picks but lost that quickly. During the whole show, security guards were watching us probably because we were bouncing around like idiots, straddling each other, among other things like (falling off bleachers, jumping up and down, and pissing in cups).
After the fest was over, we went to Suite and partied it up. We didn't have a ride home so we started walking towards Wisconsin Ave. we couldn't hail a taxi, so we ended up asking this random to give a ride home. She said yes, so we all got in her SUV but we had to wait for her cousin who works at Dominoes to get off work. Her cousin was drunk because it was his birthday. He stumbled out of work, drunk, and with pizzas in his hand. I gave her $4 for the pizza and ride. What a great deal! Her drunk cousin who she had to drop off was mumbling about how he could “put it down” and give to girls real good. I believed I just sat back there, in amazement, wishing I had pipe game like this guy.
Overall, a great night. A summerfest classic!
Summerfest Day 3
Girl Talk
Friday July 1, 2011
Started this night off like any other night by drinking rum and cokes. Pre gaming started early at 6pm at a co workers apartment on the Eastside. We grilled out and tossed the ole pigskin in the back alley.
After a couple hours of drinking we had to catch the shuttle, so I decided to make a roadie so we could have something on the bus. I decided to mix the last of my rum in a 2 liter Coke bottle. I snuck this 2 liter bottle in the back of my pants onto the shuttle bus. The bus driver didn't seem to care. You actually had to have a ticket from the bar, since it was a bar shuttle. The way you obtain a ticket is by purchasing a drink at the bar. I told the bus driver, “hey i'll give you a dollar if you let us in”. He said go ahead. I felt like a high roller and dropped $3, a dollar each for my buddy. The shuttle was fun, we drank my very large mixed drink and talked to some people on the way there. The shuttle drops us off right in front of the fest, bingo.
So, the ticket lines are long, me and my buddy have no tickets, and don't want to pay $15 to get in. I tell him were sneaking in and he obliges. We walk through some parking lots to gauge are perimeters, I see a short manageable fence that we can hop. I tell him, lets hit it up, we jump the fence, no one see us. I'm slapping his hand saying “we made it we made it”. Actually, we didn't, we hopped the fence to another parking lot. Which I find out is the valet lot. WTF! Dang it! Oh well, we go to the other fence and hop that one which leads us into the motherland. Were in, kinda... were somehow behind backstage at this one concert. So, we walk around behind this backstage and find our way in. “I feel young again.” I'm belated, I've snuck into summerfest again.
Within 15 minutes I lose everyone we come with. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I snuck in some “crotch rum” again. I make that drink and then head to Girl Talk. At this point I'm by myself. I follow these 2 random girls to the 5th row. This was the most humid and moist crowd I've ever had to walk through. We literally pushed our way through. I felt like I was at a high school homecoming rally, there were so many teeny boppers there. I saw some kids behind do cocaine off there IPhone. IPhone can really do almost anything.
After the show, I decided to look for treasures (things people leave after the show on the ground).
Here is what I found
a 1996 Bulls Championship Hat, a skirt, an American Flag, a beach ball, a roll of tp, a tank top (which I'm keeping and wearing), one Adidas shoe, a girl's tank top, 7 pairs of broken glasses, blistex, a flannel, 4 different sandals, and a plaid shirt. Oh yeah, I found a wal mart shopping bag which I was able to put everything in.
After compiling all of the clothes, I've come to the conclusion that there had to be a girl who left summfest naked.
I ended up selling the plaid shirt, a green packers towel, and a flannel to some friends. I made $1.92
This was a great night. I ended up making a little cash. I snuck in to summerfest ($15 value), stole a beer off a beer tent $5.50 value, and sold $1.92 off clothes I've found. What a successful night! I went to the bars later and I tipped a $1 for water. Naked Guy does tip!!!!
Summerfest Day 4
Maroon 5/Stephen Marley
Saturday July 2nd, 2011
Pre gamed this time with Miller Light and shots of Rum in the 3rd ward through a friend of friend's friend.
-Snuck in another bag of crotch rum. Might've been my biggest batch I've made thus far. So far I've had no leakers.
-Did a butterface survey with my buddy and we dispelled the theory that I was butterface by a bachelorette party. It was unanimous vote that they said I wasn't a butterface. Finally, I'm no longer a butterface. It feels good to finally feel liberated! I ended up taking a penis straw from them, which is still in my room.
-I found a unused condom on the ground, which I hopefully plan to use, then tell the girl I had sex with, “hey I found this condom on the ground at summerfest, and then used it on you”.
-Went to Stephen Marley concert and bought college kids beer in exchange for a beer for me. They ended up smoking me up. I felt like a cocktail waitress because I ended up by buying all these beers for all these underagers. Hey, you have to help out the youth, might as well be from a guy like me. I mean it's not like these kids were asking me. I was asking them if I could get booze for them. What's wrong with this picture? I was putting myself out there to buy beer underagers, it's like I wanted to, it gave me a thrill of a lifetime.
-I ended up taking this random shutte bus downtown. This bus was made up of all these lost people, who lost there phones or there friends, and just weird people in general. I ended up at the Hyiatt hotel loung scoring some pizza off some kid, then finally took a taxi home after I realized this hotel is getting me nowhere.
Summerfest Day 6
Wiz Kahlifia/The Wailers
Tuesday July 7, 2011
-Pre gamed in my mom's living room with my brother with (Rum/Cokes) which I now call “Jokes”. Rum and Coke straight up is a “joke” but when you put in a zip lock baggie, it becomes crum (crotch rum).
-While we walked into the fest we took “slam breaks” in where we stop walking and slam are drinks.
-Me & My Brother take our shirts off at The Wailers Show and try to find “weed” for some random girl. I'm not sure why we were helping her find ganja.
-Wiz Kahlifia was the most packed show I've ever seen. We shortly left because we were watching it on the screen like a mile away.
-4th time in a row I snuck in some “crum” which I used to call "crotch rum".
-Booty danced in front of the people who drum on buckets outside the fest while girls slapped my butt
-Drank a random Coors Light that I found on the side of the street. A kid didn't want to drink it anymore so I took and drank it.
-Photo bombed nerdy high school chicks.
-Went to after party at apartment downtown and did pulls of tequila. ewwww
-Me and my brother were referred to as Jersey Shore while leaving the fest.
-At 3am we relapsed and I went to the Casino and lost $100. I guess that's karma for not tipping and sneaking in “crum” into summerfest. It all balances itself out.
Here's my account of Summerfest, obviously I'm missing a lot of other stuff that went on. If you know of anything please don't be afraid to add a comment or give your account of what happened at nakednudedude@gmail.com. I would love to hear your side of the story.
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