Bloggy Smloggy 29

Harry Potter Intro

Doesn't the name Harry Potter sound like a 45 year old hippie gardener who should be cultivating self sustainable food for a co op in a trendy part of San Francisco? I'm Harry Potter.... I'm a nerd who wears glasses and knows magic. Blah Blah Harry Potter. Go suck a penis! I've never seen a Harry Potter movie. I like my super heroes who are strong, get laid, and do drugs. Harry Potter is a lab geek who collects worms, drinks Diet Rite, and sucks dick. I don't know if he sucks dick but he does have that one ginger friend. What's that kid's name, Rupert? Yeah.. Harry gives it to Rupert pretty hard. I'm sure of it. With all that magic he knows. I would put money that Harry with his little magic stick says, “tweedle dee tweedle dum, Rupert suck my dick until I come, if you don't, if you won't, you”ll become a toad at once”. You know Harry Potter got that “magic game”, he just puts a spell on chicks and they give it up to him. Is it me, or is Harry Potter always going through puberty? Seriously that kid hasn't aged since the first movie came out 10 years ago. Harry F'n Potter man.... I ain't hating. I'm just jealous I don't know magic spells. Do your thing Harry!

My Bit About Horny

I told my friends that my penis is horny. “Hey guys my penis is horny”. Just my penis. Not anything else on my body. Think about it. When your horny, the horniest part is your penis. Your hand can't be horny. Your legs can't be. Your elbows can't. So when you say your horny, its your penis if your dude. When your a girl, its your a vag. That science my friends. Science, indeed.

Ex F*ck Buddy

Apparently, there is thing called “ex f*ck buddies”. A girl actually told me that this guy was her “ex f buddy”. Seriously, you can have an “ex f buddy”. I mean I thought you can have ex gf's or bf's but now we have ex f buddies. How do you do end that relationship? Can you be serious “f buddies” where you meet her parents? Like, “Were pretty serious f buddies, I think she might be the one. It's a fricking f buddy! I don't get it. That's like saying, that's my “ex friends with benefits”. We no longer date, errrr.... I mean have no strings attached sex.

Serious Conversation (Real Talk) with Naked Guy

Everyday is a new day. No day is going to be as fresh, young, and as new as the one your living in. Everyday every minute your living is the youngest part of the day. That's some deep stuff. This is the stuff I think about the morning after I smoke some pot. Days that have happened are over, done with it. Those days are old. I'm talking about new days. These days are new, they days have never lived yet. Everyday a day happens, it's like a new day is being born. It's a baby day. You actually know more than the next day because the next day hasn't happened yet. You should be able to outsmart the day and take advantage of that day for all it's worth.

Yeah, I Pull Out

Every time I masturbate I pull out. It's the most effective way of birth control while masturbating. Public Service Announcement. Next time you masturbate, Pull Out. It's my preferred way of masturbating.

My Wonderful Weekend

Bradford Beach Jam/Trinity

Friday July 22^nd, 2011

-A fellow co worker of mine brought over a bedazzled bottle of vodka. It had had a ruby or some kind of emerald on it. He also brought an 8 pack of red bull and a bottle of patron. We were in for a treat.

-Went to a free concert at the beach, but got there so late that we arrived for the last song.

-Went to Karma to visit some friends. I ended up throwing ice at them from a bucket of chilled Miller Lites. My buddy was filling there beers with tequila from a flask.

-Arrived at Trinity in where both of my buddies got kicked out. One snuck back in through the other door. Apparently, one of them got kicked out for kicking over a bike. I'm not sure if it was a bicycle or motorcycle. He told the bouncers, it wasn't him, but that it was me. I have no recollection of who did it. I didn't know a bicycle was even involved in are night.

-Finished the night at Qdoba, and just devoured a burrito. Then of course went around the tables and looked for uneaten nachos. We ran to a friend of mine, Chris, who firmly stated, your not getting in my car unless you wash your hands. I was that gross from eating the burrito.

Bradford Beach Jam/RC's/Harp

Saturday July 23, 2011

-Still recovering from the night before, I decided to take it easy. We actually arrived early enough to Bradford Beach to enjoy some reggae tunes. My catch phrase of the night was, “ba rum papa pum!!”

I enjoyed 2 Miller Lites via my backpack

-Then it was off to RC's, a chill bar, with $1.75 PBR's. Hmmm, maybe I'll have a couple. So, I hollered at 3 PBR's during a wonderful stay at RC's. One guy I was with tried smoking a joint on the patio.

-Then we concluded the night at Harp, which is right off the river. I consumed 3 beers and had 2 shots. One of the shots came from a guy I met in the bathroom. He was hammered and I said, “I wasn't” as we were peeing. He said, “I'll buy you 3 shots, follow me”. Then when we got to the bar he said, “actually I'll buy 2”. So, he ordered 3 shots and we took one each. Then he took the other shot he promised me and poured into his mixed drink and stumbled away. Hey, I can't complain for a free shot. Choose your battles, right? Then I told this random my buddy had “the hots for her”.

Conclusion

I had 8 beers and 2 shots in what was supposed to be a chill night. However, I guess that is a standard chill night for me, since I did get drunk. For most people this amount of alcohol would get someone hammered but to me, I just got a slight buzz. What the heck? Apparently, I can tolerate a lot of alcohol.

Deuce like Biggalow European Gigglo