Bloggy Smloggy 28

Intro

A lot of talk has been circulating about my me being a butterface, again. Actually, just my buddy Steve has been calling me a butterface. He thinks its the funniest thing. Oh well, I told him I will revisit the Butter Face Saga that was first introduced to us in Bloggy Smloggy 22.

Butter Face Revisted

Here is an email from my buddy and faithful reader about.... well just read the god@mn thing.

This email is in reference to my ButterFace Survey that we did at Summerfest in Bloggy Smloggy 26.

“I want to talk about your "uncertifying" yourself as a butterface. I was with you at Summerfest when we did the poll and you forgot to mention some of the facts. The first girl we asked said that you were indeed a butterface. The next two did not answer (they many not have spoke English). The group of girls at the bachelorette party who said you were not a butterface were a bunch of butterfaces themselves, and of course they are going to say that you are not one...that's the butterface code. So the jury is still out on your "butterfaceness".”

I'm closing down the butterface account for good. I'm not reopening this for discussion. I may be a butterface, I may not. Whatever it is, case closed.

Club Promoters

These guys might be the biggest douche bags in the world. These self entitled club promoters think they are the Gods of the Club World. It always starts with tag line “Come to to the hottest club in the city. You'll drink $5 cosmos and $4 bombs all night long. All the while listening to some repetitive DJ spin top 40 mashups that were pre mixed by some other DJ”. Skip that noise. Why don't you just call yourself the douche bag promoter? Basically, your getting all the douche bags in the city and holding a douche bag convention at a club. The people that go to these clubs have no insight on life. They talk about what retro beer is the newest trend (see pbr or schlitz) or what's the new hottest thing to mix with redbull. But when they do talk it usually about themselves, what they've done, or where there moving (see the westcoast), or about how wasted they got on Tuesday night. Wow, way to set some goals for yourself you self righteous piece of sh*t. I'm done with the club scene. That's why I'm going to be a Dive Bar Promoter. I'm going to promote the hottest lame bars in Milwaukee. “Come to the nastiest bar this City has ever seen. We have well drinks and top of the line swill. $1 beers $1 shots! We have a crusty old dart board, one pool table, and an ugly bartender with no teeth. All the hits from the 70s and 80s will be played on are outdated juke box. Don't miss out! Its the event of the year!!!! Now, this is what I'm talking about. Dive bars are where the real pathetic low life drunks go, the scum of the Earth. But these are the realest drunks out there. They know there not happy and don't try to mask it with electronic music, fruity cocktails, and vip rooms.

Hipsters Who Workout

America has been infiltrated by hipsters. I'm not sure what a hipster is but to me it's someone who wears slim jeans and plaid shirts. I'm sure it's deeper than that but we all have an idea of what a hipster is. But now there is a new hybrid of hipsters out there that work out. These hipsters are ripped, strong, and nutritious. These hipsters who are ripped are called ripsters. I've only seen a few of these ripsters out there, but this trend is exploding as we speak. You heard it hear first. Watch out for those ripped dudes. They've turned in the collard shirts and loose fitting jeans for plaids, fedoras, and chucks.

My Wonderful Weekend

Geeky Friday Not Freaky Friday

Friday July 15, 2011

I got super geeked out of an apple “pipe”. We did not have a smoking apparatus, so we used a granny smith. By the way granny smith apples make great smoking devices. I was so geeked that I told my buddy, “man I'm so stoned and high”. After collecting myself, me and my buddy decided to make chicken wings. These chicken wings included (Frank's Buffalo Sauce, Sweet Baby Ray's Buffalo Sauce, Valentina Mexican Hot Sauce, Sweet Baby Ray BBQ Sauce, and a couple shakes of Haberno Hot Sauce). I had diarrhea for the rest of the night. Rightfully so.

Later that night (aka 1 hour after the wings and granny smith)

Went to Bastille Days (largest North American French Festival). We watched the Love Monkeys which is a pretty good cover band. There I enjoyed a Miller Light (which I snuck in). I was so paranoid I was going to get caught but realized no one cared. Then I enjoyed a MGD 64 Lite Lemonade. It's tasted like watered down Lemonade. It's fricking 64 calories! Most people who consume large amounts of booze are usually not worried about their calorie intake (or at least shouldn't be). They should probably be worried about there liver and mental health. Then after Bastille Days we went to Flannery's. At Flannery's we met this odd 41 year old chick who was by herself at this table. We sat down by her because it was so packed. She told me how she was “sexting” this guy but doesn't do any pictures anymore. Because 2 years ago, she sent pictures to her now ex boyfriend of her naked with dildos. She also thought me and my buddy were gay. I told her, “yes it's true, we are lovers”. At one point she told my buddy, “I've sucked some cock in my life, but not as much as you”. I lost it and giggled like a school girl.

Good Ol Jefferson County

Saturday July 16, 2011

Took a quick 45 minute road trip to good ol Jefferson, Wisconsin. Think small town charm without the small town charm. Ya dig? We went to see our buddy sky dive. Sky diving looks easy, I mean after seeing all these people do it, it looked simple as pie. After watching the sky dive, I needed to eat.

I hadn't eaten the whole day, so we went to a Chinese Restaurant in a strip mall of Jefferson which basically can't get any whiter. This was a very awkward transaction. I believe the Chinese man who took are order was very surprised that anyone was eating there. I ordered my chicken lo mien, egg roll, and spring roll. I was hungry. We waited for our food to be done in the dining room because we got it to go. Not once did I hear the sizzling of a grill or a wok. All I heard were microwave beeps. Great, this restaurant was microwaving La Choy in there kitchen. Who goes to a small town for authentic Chinese Food that is located in desolate strip mall? In retrospect that was the best d@mn microwaved Chinese Food I ever had.

Bradford Beach

Sunday July 17, 2011

Rode my bicycle to the beach to meet up with 2 of my friends. They were catching some rays, so before I lied down, I strategically waved my New Kids on the Block towel in the air so everyone could see. I probably “shook out” my towel for a good 30 seconds which eventually caught the eye of 3 beach goers who said “hey I like your towel”. In minutes we were playing volleyball with these gals. I never thought a New Kids on the Block beach towel would help me in talking to girls.  

Twos