Bloggy Smloggy 38

Intro

I have been thinking a lot. I analyze the little things way too much. I guess that's a good thing though. I seem pretty easy going and carefree, but in reality I'm a worry wort. I second guess myself on everything, indecisive if you will. But at the same time, I'm indifferent. I guess Alanis Morissette was right when she said, “Ironic, Don't You Think”. Well, it's as if I'm in the development stages of Bipolar .  When I was younger I would predict the diseases I would get when I was older. It's inevitable yet scary.  Because we will all get a disease, heart condition, or some form of std. The older you get the more prone you are to sh*t just happening to you. I'm 29 years old and I've had these problems already: sprained ankles, diarrhea,foot contusion, scabies, back/neck subuluxations, concussions, leg infection, hemorrhoids (maybe) and probably various sti's I don't know about. That's not a lot compared to some people, but I'm a fairly healthy person. So, what I'm getting at is.... I'm not sure, this the blog monologue (blogologue).

Go Pack Go!!

I'm a big Packer fan and also a big dick trickster. I'm one of the rising stars in the Dick Trick Industry. I'm the sleeper pick in your fantasy draft. I'm the Cinderella in the Sweet Sixteen. With that being said, I've invented a new dick trick that Packer nation will love. I mean “G Force” which is the gayest nickname for our fans. But I guess it fits our ugly beer guzzling dumb inbred fans at Lambeau. So, here is the newest dick trick while cheering on the green and gold. While the Packers are on defense and you need a big play use the “GO Pack Go” Chant. But instead of saying “GO Pack Go”, get up, drop your pants, and yell (that is after the drum roll) “Go Sack Go” as your grabbing your ball sack. Packer fans who “bleed” green and gold will love this dick trick, as in installs pride into their “fan owned” team.

Stuff I Just Make Up To See if People Believe It

If you have sex under 2 minutes without a condom, you can't get an std. Proven fact. There is not enough time for the “std” to hibernate in the other person.

Pity Pork

When a man/woman feels so bad for you, that they “give it up”, to make you feel better about yourself. Hence, building your self esteem. If you have ever done this, your a Saint. You can actually document “pity porking” as community service. You just need the other person to sign off on the right documentation. So, if you need to volunteer hours for internship or community service, look into “pity porking”.

Thoughts from a Bitter Single Guy

I'm sick of the god@mn Happy Holiday cards or Save the Date cards with your dog in it. Your dog has no idea what's going on. Happy Holidays from Sally, Bruce,& Fido!! Fido has no idea what's going on in this picture. Don't put a bow on Fido! He is miserable enough. Your dog is a dog. Someone robbed that dog and put it in a kennel. That poor dog has been ripped away from his family and never to see his family again. That dog has got to live with humans who don't speak his own dog language. Haven't you people ever seen Pound Puppies or All Dogs Go To Heaven?

Serious Conversation (Deep Thoughts/Real Talk/Stoner Talk Even Though I'm Not Stoned Now)

In one day we are someone different to everyone we encounter. Listen to me. I'm about to drop some heavy stuff on you. You awake in the morning and your yourself. You see your roommate and your a roommate to them. You drive your car to work, now your considered a driver among drivers. You get into work, bam!, your a co worker amongst your co workers. Not only are you a co worker, your an employee to your boss, or your someones boss to them. Then, after a long day of work, you go the grocery store and now your just a customer. After that you have to go eye doctor, now your patient. Everything checks out, you call your financial advisor and now your someones client. Finally, you go home take the dog for a walk and now your a pedestrian. If you have kids, your a father, a husband, divorcee, a deadbeat. My thought here is that everyone has multiple personalities. It's like were ADD with our ever changing personalities/professions/perceptions. Were perceived differently every time we are in a new environment. It's deep stuff, let it soak in.

Listen to my Brother

This is my brother's beat site. No, not like his beating off site. It's where he makes beats. He goes by the alter ego. Peyote P or Sleepy P. Take a listen to the link below.

http://soundcloud.com/peyote-1/hungover-at-night-changed-my

My Wonderful Weekend

Another College Esq Night

Saturday September 24, 2011

   It started off as a lonely Saturday. My main wingman, Aaron, was off at a Bachelor Party. Tonight, I was on a solo mission. He was not going to be there, in my living room, pregaming with Rum and Cokes. He wouldn't be there buying us shots at the bar we didn't need. He wasn't going to be pushing us to go to the Casino at 3am. He wasn't going to try induce puking at the end of the night. I guess hanging out without Aaron, would probably be a good idea for my health, sanity, and liver. The question is, Can I live without going out with Aaron and still have the same kind of lol insane fun? I guess will find out.

WTF!?!?! You can also be on fire, where if you make 3 or more balls in a row, you get the ball back. Also, if the ball bounces back to you after your throw, you receive a free behind the back throw. Ahh, these kids butchering the game of Beer Pong and pussifying the game. I ended up playing 6 games, losing most of them, as wear and tear on the body happens after being out of the game for awhile.

   It didn't help that we were doing shots of Tequila randomly throughout the night. Not any kind of tequila, but Durango tequila. I've never heard of it. We did straight up shots, no limes, no salt. I had to pre chase it with my Blatz (in that I would have the Blatz in my mouth before I did the shot).

   After several shots of tequila and butterscotch schnapps shots, we went to the porch to yell at freshman passing by. We got a few people to come in and take shots with us. My favorite line was yelling at a girl, “Hey, Amy Whinehouse!!!! Your dead”. She looked at me with disdain, as her boyfriend acted tough from across the street. We also yelled at some “Git R Done” rednecks who were in there diesel Ford truck. They ended up peeling out of the Walgreen's parking lot, across the street, and giving us the middle finger. Apparently, these guys peel out of the Walgreen's parking lot on a weekly basis (from what I hear from the other roommate's). Real Tough.

   Later in the night, 3 ladies over the age of 30 years old came. There were at least four moms at this college get together “party”. It wasn't a party per say. because there less than 10 of us. But still, it was fun seeing 2 different generations (of the college crowd and 30 year old mothers interact). You know what, were not that different after all.

  Later, in the night, again, we finally we to BBC but realized how lame that bar actually is. So, some of us dispersed to Flannery's, where we danced and screamed the night away. One of the older ladies we were with gave me $5 to get a drink. So, my buddy, long hair Tony (bartender), hooked it up. I slipped him a $5 and he made me a rum and coke. No joke, it was ¾^th's rum and a splash of coke. Luckily, he used Captain Morgan, so it tasted delicious. Thanks Long Hair Tony (if I ever had to date a man, I would seriously think about settling down with you, those soft green eyes and your long flowing locks, ok I'll stop now).

  After an hour, of dancing and working the crowd, we took a taxi back to college dude's house. I stopped at Oakland Gyros, for some late night snacking. It was the most delicious gyro I've ever had. I ended up passing out on a 2 seat couch. College Esq night was over.

Outro

Oh yeah. I'm going to Europe for a month. So, I might not be able to blog on a weekly basis.  I'll see you in a month.  I should have a good amount of blog written. I'm hoping to write a page a day of my experiences.  Anyways, see you in a month.  I know most of you are like, "yes he is going to stop sending me those d@mn facebook messages".  Twos....

Bloggy Smloggy 37

Intro

College. What a great age to explore and define your existence in the world. Where time management, budgeting your money, and enjoying your personal freedom all work with you and against you. College, the next step in prepping yourself for the “real world”. College, the time you have probably acted the dumbest and have done some of the most regretful things in life. For example, experimenting with drugs, having sex with no condoms, and drinking heavily. It's the time we have our “best memories” and ironically the time we have had our most “regretful memories”. 

 I would like to take stroll down memory lane for this next blog in which I go into the inner depths of the college party scene. No, I didn't go to a college basement party. However, I went to the mecca of college bars where basically underagers are glorified for coming. Well, not exactly glorified, but almost accepted as a patron. I'm talking about the bar, Judges. 

 Judges has been known as a “underager bar” for decades. It seems, as if you are over 21, the bouncers give you a quizzical look like “your really here?”. I mean Judges, might as well be in someones basement party on the eastside. It smells and looks like one, plus the drink specials are just as cheap as one. I mean for Christ sake, its $5 to get in on Thursday night, and they have 25 cents taps, 50 cents rails, and $1 dollar bomb shots. I mean this deal screams binge drinking college freshman and sophomores. Well, this is the place we decided to take our little buddy DJ for his birthday. He turned 21, so already, he is too old for Judges. But it's a rite of passage to go to this bar when your underage. So, let the festivities begin as we delve into the night.

My Wonderful Weekend

College Night (DJ turns 21)

Thursday September 15, 2011

   Well, like I said it was a $5 cover which included (25 cents taps, 50 cent rail drinks, & $1 bomb shots). With that in mind, my plan was to order 4 beers at at time and tip a dollar. Which worked like a charm. Yes, I did tip this time, because I felt bad that all the underagers and poor college kids don't understand tipping or are too poor. I looked like a God to the bartenders, everytime I tipped a dollar. They must've thought I was rich or something. I probably tipped $5 that night, could be $6 I don't remember. Seriously, there were students with quarters in there hand buying drinks. I've never and I mean never have brought quarters to a bar, I have a little more dignity than that. But, who can blame a poor college kid for living off ramen noodles and getting drunk on quarters. I can't. 

   So, I'm challenging DJ (the 21 year old) to chug contests throughout the night. I lose every single one, I mean I can challenge people to chug contests but will I win, nope. Since, it was DJ's birthday, his new cousin in law decided that he can drink for free on his tab. So, of course with my cheapness, I would put expensive drinks on his tab. Aka the expensive drinks being the $1 jeager bomb shots. So, I'm feeling pretty good right now after 8 beers and probably 4 shots. It's hilarious because you can tell who the underagers from the regulars. The underager girls dress up with nice mini skirts and high heels. It's like come on!!! Your at a sinkhole dive bar. Get real!! Not that I minded though.

   At one point in the night, being the insecure old guy I was at this bar. I told some people I was 24 years old and that I'm a senior. I told her I had internship and was a History major. I don't think the story matched up because I was saying i don't have class but I do. Therefore, next time I go, I'm going to tell everyone I'm 29 years old. I'm just going to tell the truth because the truth always comes out.

   Since, I was drinking beer (which I never do), I felt in control of my “drunk” for once. Also, I for once wasn't pre- gaming which is a first. Usually, I like “to get it in” before “I go out”.

I couldn't believe how cheap these kids were. I felt rich amongst the college kids who were leaning over the bar waving there quarters in front of the bar. I was like P. Diddy in a rap video “I thought I told you that we won't stop, I thought I told you that we won't stop, ehh ehh ehh!!!”

I eventually parted ties with the group I was with. They wanted to go to Victors for free pizza. I told them the last time I went there a prostitute stole my wallet. No thank you, It's not worth the cardboard Tombstone Pizza they serve there. Sidebar. Why the hell do people eat Tombstone Pizza? It's named after death. Naming things after death, the afterlife, or a grave site does not get my appetite going. This is where I say, “jus saying”. Sidebar. Another cliché quote I hate hearing. Anyways, I'm off topic ranting about pizza.  Where was I? Oh yea, the crew I was with was going to Victors and I hate cardboard pizza.

    Since they left, I was flying solo and decided to hitchhike my way home. Why not? I have a pretty good track record of getting home safely. So, I'm on north and I get in a car with 3 large African American women. They get me to Oakland Gyros, which is a 6 block jaunt, probably 20 minute walk that I don't want to do. So, I get out at the gyros joint and chill out for a couple minutes until my brother picks me up. Why not wait for my brother to pick me up from Judges in the first place? I don't know, bygones are bygones. So, I had a successful “college night”, wolfed down 25cents taps, did shots, and went to a late night eatery. Maybe its time to think about my Masters degree.

Rock the Roost and Getting Hammed Up With Aaron & His French Friend

Saturday September 17, 2011

Saturday Afternoon

  Well all know what happens with Aaron (the smaller compacted drunk version of myself, yet very successful). We go to “Rock the Roost”, a wing and beer sample fest near Silk (strip club) and on the ground of Harley Davidson motorcycle shop. It was a small event, around a few hundred people at a time. However, we did enjoy cocktail tasting, local bands, and a very large beer bong. This beer bong had at least 25 plastic tubes connected to what looked like a large plumbing pipe. I ended up doing this beer bong twice with other inexperienced patrons who didn't realize how to do a beer bong. Granted everyone was over 25 and long over there college days (but in retrospect, it didn't look like most of these people went to college).

  We sampled many different wings for about the 2 hour stay we were there. I even got to sit on a motorcycle and go “vroom vroom”. We didn't get drunk here because we had a big night ahead of us. We had to show his buddy, Lance, a good time in Milwaukee, as he is traveling the USA for the next 2 years. I like Lance a lot, get it, like Sir Lance A Lot. But, he rented the coolest minivan for his traveling in the US of A. It had a back up camera, satellite radio, and back windows went down, which is really weird for a minivan.  Lance, is a good guy, he sexes many woman's.

Saturday Evening

   Let's get to the evenings activities which didn't last long. We pre gamed by playing Screw the Dealer or High or Low. This is a fun little card game that anyone can play. It's a nice way to get the juices going. Me and Aaron strapped up with are usual Rum/Cokes and Lance drank Belvedere Vodka and Redbull. A bottle later, we would hop into my buddy's car and make are voyage downtown. We arrived to Dicks (pizza and pleasure) for a little pleasure, no pizza. My stay here was short, as I left on my own will as I wanted to bar hop. Aka, I was nicely escorted by a friend/colleague of mine who is the GM there. He roughed me up in the back alley and slapped me up a couple of times, saying “your done here, your washed up, take your business to Judges!!!” Aka, I tried kissing and hugging him as he gently let me out the back door. I thought this place was Dicks, so with that being said, I thought I could dance with my shirt off. It wasn't gay night, d@mn't wrong night. 

   So I continued my travels to Flannery's, which is staple for me and Aaron. Lance stayed behind and enjoyed Dicks and the bottle service they had.  I wasn't able to enjoy the bottle service we got which i paid $20 for.  Well, it was the greatest $20 drink i had since i only had one.  Anyways, I was go off subject and rant. I found my place on the dance floor of Flannery's and never looked back. I didn't even make it to the bar. I know Aaron came with me from what he told me but I didn't realize he was there. He said i was peeing all over the bathroom floor.  I have this pee fetish in where i pee all over the bar bathrooms.  I think it goes back to grade school in where we used to pee all over the bathroom floors as a joke.  I guess I never grew out of it.  Eventually, I made my way back home. Kaputz, I was passed out.

See you guys later..  Check out the new sitcom 2 Broke Girls with Kat Dennings.  She has some big ole tig o's.  Don't Holla, Scream!!!!!!

Bloggy Smloggy 36

The Return of the 36th Bloggy Smloggy!!

My New Hobbies

Frolf

Frolf. I love to Frolf. Frisbee Golf. It's a great game, if you have a lot of time to just do nothing. I have been such an addict that I have gone 4 days in a row. I'm no frolf expert, I mean, I got my discs at Play it Again Sports. I have a driver and a mid range. I guess you can buy putters too, whatever its a disc, its not that different. I guess I have been going through this psuedo stoner phase of my life. I've grown a beard, I play frisbee golf and call it frolf, and I'm unemployed. Yeah man, Jerry Garcia. Grateful Dead. CCR!!! See! I'm a hippie. Poke Smot!!!!!!!

Fantasy Football

I love football, so much that it's my fantasy! No longer do I fantasize about chicks with big tits, tight labias, and college coeds. I fantasize about touchdowns, rushing yards, and field goals. This is what my life has become. Fantasizing about what player will get me the most points. I love Fantasy Football. It gives me a real chance at being a General Manager for a Pro Football Team. Every week I have to make tough decisions on who to start Jay Cutler or Eli Manning? Life shouldn't be so hard. I mean do I bench Reggie Wayne and start Brandon Lloyd?? What defense should I pick up? Who should be my kicker? What the hell, this is no longer a fantasy. This is life or death. I mean I don't want to be ostracized in my league for picking up Tim Tebow and dropping Alex Smith. Ugh, what turned into a simple fantasy has turned into a nightmare of decisions.

Me And Aaron Get Drunk Again

Brewers vs. Phillies

Saturday September 10

Pre Tailgating

  Pre game at 3:30pm since the tailgate party started at 4:00pm. In essence, we pre tailgated before the tailgate. And by pre tailgating, I mean drinking Rum and Cokes in my living room. We each had two drinks before we made are way to the real tailgate.

Real Tailgate

  The real tailgate was his work party (food and beverage was provided). This was a work function tailgate, in where the co workers brought their significant others and family members. Aaron decided to bring me, I was his “plus one”. It was a pretty tame tailgate, so I had to behave. I forgot to mention we were both “flasked up” for the game. We both had are own flasks to make the game a little more interesting. So, we enjoyed the tailgate as I went “ham” on the free food (polish sausages and chicken burgers).

Brewers Game

  I was full at this time, but as you all know, when you go into the stadium, you want stadium food. Stadium food is just plain ole food. No thrills, it's merely just a notch up from the grade school cafeteria you use to eat at it your formative years. But when your hammered, this food seems to be the best food on Earth. I mean do you see the people making your food. It's usually a church group trying to raise money for their church or organization. So, your footlong dog is always on the fence when it comes to taste. So, with that being said, we decided to bring in our own food. I decided to bring in 3 polish sausages from the work tailgate party. We wrapped them up in a bun bag because unfortunately we could not find any aluminum foil.

  Oh well, we ended up getting into the game around the 6 inning. Which,is ok with me. Who can really handle watching 9 innings of baseball? So, I decide to get the $6 souvenir cup which is probably a liter of Pepsi. I dump out half the soda and pour my flask in. My flask can hold about 8 ounces, so I just made 4 doubles or 8 smalls according to industry standards. I have an 8 drink drink in my hand. Let the games begin. Aaron does the same thing, were rummed up.

We eventually found our seats by all of his co workers. It's fun watching your buddy make a fool of himself in front of his boss and co workers. Its fun because it wasn't me, now I know why people want me to do stupid stuff because it's entertaining to watch. At this point, were hungry, so why not eat the Polish Sausages we brought in. The trick to this is, you go to the hot dog condiment station and pile the sausage high with sauerkraut, onions, mustard, and secret sauce. Who cares if the sausage was cold, it was so delish.

  We decide to walk to a different section because were getting fidgy just sitting in one spot. Aaron tries to bargain with the ice cream man to get free ice cream. Aaron tells the ice cream man who is a high school kid, that they give free ice cream after the 7^th inning. We plead our case but he does not buy it. We continue to walk around trying to find are new seats, all the while trying to entertain ourself. I have this great idea to take our last polish sausage and throw it in this large ceiling fan. I get Aaron to launch this sausage in the fan. The sausage ends up hitting the fan and boom hits a kid in the face. Luckily, it ends up hitting one of his co worker's son. I'm glad it didn't hit some roided out brewer fan because we would've been easily demolished.

  We finally find some seats in the right field bleachers and watch the rest of the game. The Brewers lose. I know, insert sad face here. We leave the game and Aaron with his gift of gab, makes friends with this middle aged lady. This lady pulls out 2 miller high lifes and a mike's hard cranberry lemonade. Aaron had a choice to pick a miller high or mike's hard, he went with the latter. I can't blame him, Mike's hard is good. I got a Miller Life which I would later give to the saxophone guy who plays outside at the end of every Brewer game. He always plays the Simpsons for me.

Pit Stop at My Place

  We eventually get back to my place and Aaron is all riled up. He wants to wrestle, so we take our shirts off and wrestle in the front yard like buffoons. He chucked his Mike Hard's Lemonade at me which was not cool. We ended up wrestling for 5 minutes then realized how tired we were and stopped and became friends again.

Flannery's

  We go to Flannery's and enjoy a couple of drinks and then later take a taxi back to my house. But we had the taxi drop off us 3 blocks away from my house. We didn't want to pay the extra quarter mile which is 75 cents. We paid the guy, I mean Aaron paid the taxi driver, and we started walking back. We saw a car coming our way, so we decided to give the ole hitch hike a try. The guy stopped surprisingly and said, “where you headed?”. We replied, “just down the street”. He said, “hop in”. So, we hopped in and discussed our night in a timely fashion (as it was only a 2 block ride). We thanked him for the ride and he was on his way. We had this great idea to try to induce vomiting. So, we both start putting our fingers down our mouths to try to vomit. I'm unsuccessful, as I dry heave multiple times. This concluded the night as the puke did not happen. Maybe it was symbolic of the night. Maybe I wasn't that drunk that I couldn't induce vomiting.

Conclusion (the next morning)

A pink penis straw on my bedroom floor. I think we stole it from some girl from a bachelorette party at the bar. I believe we were sucking it, in front of them. That's just hearsay though.

A bottle of Rum and plastic vinyl gloves in our front lawn. My roommate asked us, “what happened last night? There is an empty bottle of rum and a pair of examination gloves on the front lawn.” Good question.  What did happen.

Enjoy your week... And remember do something I would do.

Bloggy Smloggy 35

Intro

Let the adventures begin. It's Nude Dude Time. Just another chapter in my life. Here is a recap of my first day of no work and my trip to New Mexico.

First Day of No Work

Thursday September 1^st

Dr. Appointment

How do I celebrate my first day of no work with no benefits? I go to the Doctor with no insurance and pay $120 in medical fees. Why didn't I do this earlier? Why didn't I do this a day earlier when I had insurance? No worries though. That's how my life works. When you have it you don't need it, when don't need it you have it, and vice versa and versa vice. Ya dig?

Brewers Game

Since, I was bored because I don't work full time. I could actually go to a Brewers game on a weekday. Usually, at 3pm on a weekday, I would be working. I wondered why there were so many adults who could attend this day game. Shouldn't they be working? There were a lot of senior citizens as well. For every regular season game, the Brewers sell “Uecker Tickets” for $1 an 1 ½ hour before the first pitch. I like to think of myself as season ticket holder for these, even though you can only buy the day of. Everytime I get in line, I see the same cheap frugal bastards that I am. I was probably one of the younger patrons in line. It dawned on me. Am I going to be that guy with the unkempt beard, drinking a keystone light, and missing a few teeth due to tooth decay while waiting for my $1 ticket? I feel like everyone who buys tickets at full price, just look at the “Uecker line” with disgust, like were the dredges of society. I can see it on there faces with there nice embroidered stitched jerseys. While we wait in line with our ripped cargo shorts, worn down sandals, and yellow pitted t shirts. Whatever, I get to see a professional baseball team play for $1, so eat one full paying customer. I'm a true fan waiting in line for 1 hour among the creeps of the Brewer Nation.

New Mexico Trip Wrap Up

Applebees Friday September 2^nd

Arrived in Albuerqueque around 8pm. I don't know how to spell Albuerquergee and I'm too lazy to look it up. You get that point. You know where it's located. It's in New Mexico. I guess it's the Heroin capital of the world. Sadly, this story doesn't not end in me doing heroin or any drugs I guess. Sorry, to disappoint. So, how do I start the vacation off? Well, we start it at AppleBees (you know America's favorite grill spot). If you don't know me or do, you know I hate chains (see TGIF, Ruby Tuesdays, Outback). I could make this food by crapping into a pan and adding MSG into it, and you the consumer would probably enjoy it. We had no other option because we didn't have a rental car. It was either FuddRuckers or Applebees. Is Applebees, like a true authentic American restaurant? I'll tell you what it is, it's true American crap. The two for $20 can suck my little penis and tickle my big balls. Hey, if your going to suck it, you might as well tickle my balls. Anyways, had to rest up, so we went to bed earlier. I felt safe at my stay at La Quinta because we had a 70 year security guard who drove a station wagon.

T or C Saturday September 3^rd

Started the day with the free continental breakfast. Here is what I ate because I wanted to get my $ worth. I had an orange, apple, 2 bowls of Total Raisin Bran, one cup of tea, 2 glasses of Orange Juice, blueberry muffin, and one waffle. I was just eating to fill myself up.

Then, we got our rental car. A hot little Mazda. No one should ever own a Mazda by the way.

So, we drove to a little town called Truth or Consequences. Seriously, that was the name of the town. It was like a little organic earthy town. While, I was there I bought an ear candle. An ear candle removes ear wax by putting the wax candle to your ear and lighting on the end. I haven't cleaned my ears in like a year, so I was prepared for the worse. We did it later that night, and it looked like a dead worm came out of me. There was that much wax. It was pretty gross!

I also did a mineral bath. Yeah a mineral bath, sounds homo, I know, but it's good for the skin. After I got of this mineral bath, my skin was super itchy. It made me feel like I had scabies again. Yeah, I had scabies and now you know I had scabies too.

Chili Fest Sunday September 4^th

I started off this day by having a Mexican Hot Dog for breakfast. What a great idea to start off with a hot dog equipped with jalapenos, mayo, mustard, cheese, sour cream, bacon, beans, salsa, and other stuff I don't remember.

Then it was off to Hatch (pop. 2,000 or so) to go to there Chili Fest. I thought it was going to be a Chili Fest with Chili. No, it was a chili fest in where they roast chili peppers. While there, I had a green chili burger and roasted chili peppers. These were extremely hot. I was too scared to ride the Ferris wheel. For some reason I don't trust carney's or the rickety “rides”.

After that, we made our way to the National White Sands Monument. This place was really cool. I got a speeding ticket for $100 for going 40mph in a 25mph zone. We were on a “roadless road”. I didn't know the limit. So, that made me hate the white sands.

Finally, we had dinner at a place called International delights (middle eastern food). I got a gyro or something that resembled a gyro. Yet, I was still hungry so we went to Sonic, so I could get ice cream.

At this point it was a 11:00pm and I ingested a Mexican Hot Dog, Green Chili Hamburger, a Gyro, and Sonic Ice Cream. Obviously this is a recipe for a disastrous diarrhea dumping. I had to go so bad we stopped at a local gas station as my stomach was tossing and turning. I go to the Men's bathroom and some dude beat me to the punch. There is already a greasy dude taking a greasy dump. I can't hold it any longer and say “F IT!”. I go into the women's bathroom and just wreak havoc. At this point I don't care if a woman sees me walking out. Boom goes the dynamite!!  I escape the women's bathroom and no one see's me. 

Wine Fest Monday September 5^th

We attend a Wine Festival but I don't drink wine. I tried to get in the wine culture but end up in the whine culture if you know what I mean. I realize I like dry wine as opposed to sweet wine. While attending this wine festival I had the best gordita (yes, better than taco bell) ever. I sampled at least 25 different wines. Wine Festival was a success, I had a little buzz and had to drive back to Albuerqueque which was 3 hours from where we were. I bought a jug of mineral water, ate some sourpatch kids, and we made our way back. We later dined a local sushi restaurant. Who goes to New Mexico for sushi? This guy. It was some of the best sushi I ever had.

Summary

While our travels in New Mexico we had to go through Border Patrol several times. The first question they ask you is, “are you a citizen?”. I kind of paused as I thought the question out. I was about to say no but they realized I was a citizen. I thought he meant a citizen of New Mexico. Everytime we passed border patrol, I would get nervous because I thought I was in trouble. Even though they asked simple questions like, “where are you going?, are you a citizen?, “is this a rental car?”. When talking to authority I freeze up and get scared like a little b*tch.  Maybe it's because I'm a little b*tch.  Yeah, I am.

Food Summary (Here is all the food I consumed on the trip)

-Applebee's- Steak, red beans & rice, & triple brownie thunder ice cream

-Philly Green Chili CheeseSteak

-Mexican Combo Platter-(bean, rice, enchilada, taco, chile rellono, tamale)

-Quiznos- Turkey Pesto Sub & Roast Beef Wrap

-Green Chili Burger at Chili Fest

-Handful of Corn nuts

-Sushi Platter & Chicken Terayaki

-Gyro with greek salad

-Mexican Hot Dog with Salsa & Chips

-Continental Breakfest-yogurt, fruit, waffle, cereal, oj

-Gorditas at Wine Festival

Where will life take me next

Twos..