Intro
I have been thinking a lot. I analyze the little things way too much. I guess that's a good thing though. I seem pretty easy going and carefree, but in reality I'm a worry wort. I second guess myself on everything, indecisive if you will. But at the same time, I'm indifferent. I guess Alanis Morissette was right when she said, “Ironic, Don't You Think”. Well, it's as if I'm in the development stages of Bipolar . When I was younger I would predict the diseases I would get when I was older. It's inevitable yet scary. Because we will all get a disease, heart condition, or some form of std. The older you get the more prone you are to sh*t just happening to you. I'm 29 years old and I've had these problems already: sprained ankles, diarrhea,foot contusion, scabies, back/neck subuluxations, concussions, leg infection, hemorrhoids (maybe) and probably various sti's I don't know about. That's not a lot compared to some people, but I'm a fairly healthy person. So, what I'm getting at is.... I'm not sure, this the blog monologue (blogologue).
Go Pack Go!!
I'm a big Packer fan and also a big dick trickster. I'm one of the rising stars in the Dick Trick Industry. I'm the sleeper pick in your fantasy draft. I'm the Cinderella in the Sweet Sixteen. With that being said, I've invented a new dick trick that Packer nation will love. I mean “G Force” which is the gayest nickname for our fans. But I guess it fits our ugly beer guzzling dumb inbred fans at Lambeau. So, here is the newest dick trick while cheering on the green and gold. While the Packers are on defense and you need a big play use the “GO Pack Go” Chant. But instead of saying “GO Pack Go”, get up, drop your pants, and yell (that is after the drum roll) “Go Sack Go” as your grabbing your ball sack. Packer fans who “bleed” green and gold will love this dick trick, as in installs pride into their “fan owned” team.
Stuff I Just Make Up To See if People Believe It
If you have sex under 2 minutes without a condom, you can't get an std. Proven fact. There is not enough time for the “std” to hibernate in the other person.
Pity Pork
When a man/woman feels so bad for you, that they “give it up”, to make you feel better about yourself. Hence, building your self esteem. If you have ever done this, your a Saint. You can actually document “pity porking” as community service. You just need the other person to sign off on the right documentation. So, if you need to volunteer hours for internship or community service, look into “pity porking”.
Thoughts from a Bitter Single Guy
I'm sick of the god@mn Happy Holiday cards or Save the Date cards with your dog in it. Your dog has no idea what's going on. Happy Holidays from Sally, Bruce,& Fido!! Fido has no idea what's going on in this picture. Don't put a bow on Fido! He is miserable enough. Your dog is a dog. Someone robbed that dog and put it in a kennel. That poor dog has been ripped away from his family and never to see his family again. That dog has got to live with humans who don't speak his own dog language. Haven't you people ever seen Pound Puppies or All Dogs Go To Heaven?
Serious Conversation (Deep Thoughts/Real Talk/Stoner Talk Even Though I'm Not Stoned Now)
In one day we are someone different to everyone we encounter. Listen to me. I'm about to drop some heavy stuff on you. You awake in the morning and your yourself. You see your roommate and your a roommate to them. You drive your car to work, now your considered a driver among drivers. You get into work, bam!, your a co worker amongst your co workers. Not only are you a co worker, your an employee to your boss, or your someones boss to them. Then, after a long day of work, you go the grocery store and now your just a customer. After that you have to go eye doctor, now your patient. Everything checks out, you call your financial advisor and now your someones client. Finally, you go home take the dog for a walk and now your a pedestrian. If you have kids, your a father, a husband, divorcee, a deadbeat. My thought here is that everyone has multiple personalities. It's like were ADD with our ever changing personalities/professions/perceptions. Were perceived differently every time we are in a new environment. It's deep stuff, let it soak in.
Listen to my Brother
This is my brother's beat site. No, not like his beating off site. It's where he makes beats. He goes by the alter ego. Peyote P or Sleepy P. Take a listen to the link below.
My Wonderful Weekend
Another College Esq Night
Saturday September 24, 2011
It started off as a lonely Saturday. My main wingman, Aaron, was off at a Bachelor Party. Tonight, I was on a solo mission. He was not going to be there, in my living room, pregaming with Rum and Cokes. He wouldn't be there buying us shots at the bar we didn't need. He wasn't going to be pushing us to go to the Casino at 3am. He wasn't going to try induce puking at the end of the night. I guess hanging out without Aaron, would probably be a good idea for my health, sanity, and liver. The question is, Can I live without going out with Aaron and still have the same kind of lol insane fun? I guess will find out.
WTF!?!?! You can also be on fire, where if you make 3 or more balls in a row, you get the ball back. Also, if the ball bounces back to you after your throw, you receive a free behind the back throw. Ahh, these kids butchering the game of Beer Pong and pussifying the game. I ended up playing 6 games, losing most of them, as wear and tear on the body happens after being out of the game for awhile.
It didn't help that we were doing shots of Tequila randomly throughout the night. Not any kind of tequila, but Durango tequila. I've never heard of it. We did straight up shots, no limes, no salt. I had to pre chase it with my Blatz (in that I would have the Blatz in my mouth before I did the shot).
After several shots of tequila and butterscotch schnapps shots, we went to the porch to yell at freshman passing by. We got a few people to come in and take shots with us. My favorite line was yelling at a girl, “Hey, Amy Whinehouse!!!! Your dead”. She looked at me with disdain, as her boyfriend acted tough from across the street. We also yelled at some “Git R Done” rednecks who were in there diesel Ford truck. They ended up peeling out of the Walgreen's parking lot, across the street, and giving us the middle finger. Apparently, these guys peel out of the Walgreen's parking lot on a weekly basis (from what I hear from the other roommate's). Real Tough.
Later in the night, 3 ladies over the age of 30 years old came. There were at least four moms at this college get together “party”. It wasn't a party per say. because there less than 10 of us. But still, it was fun seeing 2 different generations (of the college crowd and 30 year old mothers interact). You know what, were not that different after all.
Later, in the night, again, we finally we to BBC but realized how lame that bar actually is. So, some of us dispersed to Flannery's, where we danced and screamed the night away. One of the older ladies we were with gave me $5 to get a drink. So, my buddy, long hair Tony (bartender), hooked it up. I slipped him a $5 and he made me a rum and coke. No joke, it was ¾th's rum and a splash of coke. Luckily, he used Captain Morgan, so it tasted delicious. Thanks Long Hair Tony (if I ever had to date a man, I would seriously think about settling down with you, those soft green eyes and your long flowing locks, ok I'll stop now).
After an hour, of dancing and working the crowd, we took a taxi back to college dude's house. I stopped at Oakland Gyros, for some late night snacking. It was the most delicious gyro I've ever had. I ended up passing out on a 2 seat couch. College Esq night was over.
Outro
Oh yeah. I'm going to Europe for a month. So, I might not be able to blog on a weekly basis. I'll see you in a month. I should have a good amount of blog written. I'm hoping to write a page a day of my experiences. Anyways, see you in a month. I know most of you are like, "yes he is going to stop sending me those d@mn facebook messages". Twos....
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