Intro
I wrote this blog 2 weeks ago, even though times and technology are moving at a rapid rate, I feel like this blog is still relevant in today's bustling society. Gas is high, demands are high, and I wish I was high. Let's get in this. Let cut right into this meaty blog and so you can enjoy your cut. Straight from the butcher himself. An All Milwaukee diet so he can sh*t out all Milwaukee gibberish!!
Religious Porn
I want to get in the porn business. My first porn is going to take the industry by storm. It's going to be a pornography with Jesus. Yes, Jesus is going to be the starring role! The movie title will be called, THE RESERECTION: THE 2ND CUMMING. If anyone wants to write this epic or be an actor/actress, give me a buzz at nakednudedude@gmail.com.
Veggie Pubes
If vegetables were human body parts, I believe alfalfa sprouts would be the pubes. Alfalfa sprouts look like green pubes. Don't they? Little green veggie pubes. A cucumber (penis), 2 green tomatoes (balls), and alfalfa sprouts (pubes). You got yourself vegetable porn artwork that some hipster will like.
A Story White People Would Laugh At
The Gas Story
I don't like making stops at the gas station because pumping gas costs money. I don't mind pumping the gas, pumping gas is fun. Paying for it on the other hand is no fun. I was leaving my gf's house early in the morning. Unfortunately, my fuel gauge was on empty and it has been on empty since the day before. So, gas was needed. I stopped at the closest gas station a few blocks down from her house. Simple, I would get gas there, end of story. But no, this gas station was full of customers trying to get gas. There were lines to get gas! I pulled behind one car thinking that they were going to get gas and go. But no... it was an older lady. She got out of her car and proceeded to go in the gas station to pay for it the old fashioned way. HELLOOO.... LADYYYYY..... IT'S A NEW MILLENIUM! GET A FRICKIN DEBIT/CREDIT CARD! I immediately put my car in reverse because I knew this lady was going to take her dandy time buying gas, werthers, and green mints. This was an older gas station, so it has one pump for each lane. I think they had 4 pumps total, come on!!!
I leave in anger and in hope, in hope that I make it to my house. I'm at least 10 miles from my home which I know of 3 gas stations by my house. I get on the freeway, praying and hoping that I make it to the gas station. The empty light is on. It's no ordinary red, yet it's fiery blood orange screaming at me to give me gas. I try the ol put in neutral and coast on the freeway then back to drive trick. I do this several times thinking I'm saving gas. I'm nervous because my phone is almost about to die and I'm a few miles between exits. The finished line is getting a little closer and I'm sensing a sense of relief.
Alas, I get to the BP and pull in. I'm confused because no one is getting gas. Hmmm.... oh yeah it must be that big oil tanker filling up the gas station. I guess that's why the tanker guy looked at me funny when I stopped for gas. Now I was in full panic mode but luckily there were 2 gas stations just down the road. So, I did my ol neutral to drive trick and made it. This gas station had no lines and no oil tanker. What could go wrong? I put my card in, it was accepted, and choose unleaded. Then I proceeded to pump but noticed it was going awfully slow. Hmm.. must be an older pump, after all this was a Kwik Fuel (you know one of “those” gas stations). So, it's moving very slow, and I mean at a snails pace. I mean its been 30 seconds and I'm up to 24 cents in gas. Finally, the clerk comes out and says, “yeah I'm out of gas.” Great, I'm thinking to myself. He points to the gas station across the street and says, “yeah that's my tanker, he'll come here after he's done there.” I reply, “how long will that be?” He says, “oh 45 mins”. So, I leave the gas station with 0.064 gallons of gas and receipt for 0.24 cents worth of gas.
I luckily make it home because I wasn't too far from my house. I putz around and go back to the gas station before work. The gas station is full of gas and I get to go to work. Yeahhh....
My Wonderful Weekend w/ Aaron
My trip to Saukville, Grafton, & Port Washington
Saturday March 3rd, 2012
It all started with a text, “Hey you want to go to Grafton?”. I replied, “yes” no questions asked. I should've asked more questions, but I didn't and assumed. What I thought was going to be a chill night at a buddy's house in Grafton turned into a “county bar hop”. I wasn't planning on to drink because I've been slowly healing from the stomach flu, ulcer colitis, IBS, Montezuma's Revenge...you name it. I did fill a flask half way up, just in case I got the itch.
Here are some of the highlights and lowlights.
-Attending a Tiddlywinks Tournament at a bar in Saukville. This was the 12th annual tournament benefiting the local Lions Club. Watching competitive adults of all ages compete for the winning prize of $175. I had no idea or concept of the game Tiddlywinks. It sounds like something straight people put in there butt to make them gay. I can see a bunch of gay converters putting these tiddly winks in straight peoples a$$'s to make them gay. I think that would make a epic gay horror movie! The Attack of the Tiddly Wink!
-Going to a house in Saukville watching sports in this married couples basement. The guy whose house we were at turned on his 40 inch HD screen TV, then went upstairs to watch the same game we were watching in his living room on this small tv. Awkard moment, when we went upstairs 10 minutes later and joined him in his living room.
-Going to a “dance club” in Port Washington which played hip hop songs from the last 10 years. There was a fog machine and neon lights. I'm pretty sure this was an underage bar. They even played one dub step song. My favorite person there was a guy with an oversized kobe bryant jersey that went down to his knees and a Lakers hat. He was as “thug” as a thug can get in Port Washington.
- Playing fooseball with a older couple who destroyed us. This guy was a wizard with the fooseball. He did things with this ball that I've never seen.
-Having ordered 3 sodas at 3 different bars and then mixing those sodas with my flask in the bathroom. This was the most “buzzed” fun I've ever had.
-Going to 24 hour Wal Mart at 2am to buy cheesesticks and a large supreme pizza. This was the latest I've ever been at a Wal Mart.
Pointer and the Middle Finger = Peace= Duece = Twos
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