Bloggy Smloggy 57

Intro/ “Zoo Tits Louisville”

I don't judge people. Well, I try my hardest to not judge. But I really want to know who typed in these words on google “zoo tits louisville” to find my blog. I hope your still reading if you did. That is a very creative way to find this blog. I typed in “zoo tits louisville” to see if I could find it myself. After searching 11 pages on google I gave up. But I did find these sites, articles, and blurbs while searching “zoo tits louisville”.

Here are some my favorite headlines when I searched “zoo tits louisville”

“Louisville big tits to slap while I blow you”

“Super Bowl Party: The Queer Petting Zoo for Insecure, Inept Straight Girls”

“Canadian zoo to split up a gay penguin couple, hopes to improve breeding”

“It's Amazing She Survived This Cervix Bashing”

It just gets grosser and sicker. Type in 3 random words and you'll get stuff you didn't know existed. I mean people are creative but creatively sick. In conclusion, there is actually a zoo in Louiville. However, I didn't find any “zoo tits”.

Harley Davidson

We live in Milwaukee. Home of the Brewers! Home of the Bucks! Home of Harley! Harley gets too much credit. Skip Harley. I'm going to start calling Harley motorcycles, Davidsons. Davidson gets no respect. If I ever get a motorcycle, I'm going to call my Harley a Davidson.

Girls in Yoga Pants

I spent too much time on girlsinyogapants.com. Literally, I went through the first 40 pages. Each page has an average of 3 butt pics. I just looked at 120 booties in about 30 minutes. I think I might submit a photo. Obviously, you have to be a girl but I think if we take a picture at the right angle, I'll have my booty posted on there in no time.

FakeSpeare

It's my new voice in which I talk like someone from the medieval ages. With a shakespeare like voice I roughly call people “common street whores who shall be treated like that of a undomesticated hound”.

Like Handles

It's the pre stage to love handles. Love handles according to wikipedia is “abdominal obesity”. Like handles are the pre cursor to love handles. There just “little guys”.

Pectoral Votes

A very strong man's say in making the final decision in the group. For example, he has the final say on where to eat or go out because he is the strongest one there (he is alpha male). He gets the most pectoral votes.

Treasure Chest

This is where you put you condom wrappers in a shoebox under the bed. It's sex evidence for your friends who don't believe you are sexually active. So, just start a treasure chest (aka an old shoebox) and start making memories.

Shrimpcident

Don't eat 20 shrimps in one setting. Especially, shrimp you buy from Aldis that is $5.99. I've always defended seafood from cheap grocery stores because it all comes from the same ocean. You know???? How can you say one shrimp is better than the other shrimp if it's from the same body of water? So, I had a shrimpcident 20 minutes after eating these shrimps. Let's just say... I released those shrimp right back into the water. Let's just say I “blackened” those shrimp. Let's just say I diarrehea'd those shrimp out. Let's just say that....

F*ck Green Beer!!!

St. Patricks Day

March 17, 2012

-Pre gaming at Aaron's house by drinking a classic Irish favorite Mr. Boston's Rum. I figure a lot of Irish live in Boston, so why not get a rum with the name Boston in it. It only makes sense.

-Taking the city bus for free downtown and making friends with a guy named “Joakim”. He was in his 40s, bald head, and had a braided goatee. He told us he was going to “hang out” or “follow us” the whole night because he thought we were cool or he wanted to rob us. Joakim came with us to Trinity. “We” aka Aaron and his brother bought him a beer. Within an hour Joakim was asking us for money. Aaron gave him $2. I think I stroked his braided goatee throughout the night. I tried to out creep the creep. I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into. He also asked others for money throughout the night. This is when we needed to let go of “Joakim”.We also ate gum that we found on the ground in the beer tent. It was packaged gum. Joakim, of course, ate the gum first. Then we followed to eat the gum. I knew Joakim would come in handy. We left the bar and quickly evaded “Joakim”. I often checked my pants pocket when Joakim was near me.

-Spraining my ankle because I didn't see a curb. It hurt through my drunken body, so that means it was bad real bad. However, I had the strength to walk to Dicks (½ mile way from water street). We made it to Dicks. Apparently, I had the strength to dance the night away. I only danced with one foot because the other foot was throbbing. I also used Aaron as a “crutch”. Humans make good crutches.

-After bar, outside of Dicks, trying to ask random people to take us to Potowatomi to gamble. To no avail. We didn't want to pay a taxi. Fortunatly, our guy came through and got us there.

-Renting a wheelchair at coatcheck at Pototwatomi. I guess all you have to do is give them your credit card and it's free. So, aaron pushed me around the casino to find open Blackjack tables. We both lost about $100 at the first table. The only right thing to do was to get more money from the atm. We found a new blackjack table and played that one until 6:30am. I ended up winning $50 and he lost $80.

-Took a van taxi home at 6:30am from the casino. He told us to hop in, “I'm a soccer mom”. He had been working since 10pm last night. We talked to the driver about how he goes to strip clubs and pays for sex. I asked him how much and he said, “its negoitable”. He said you have to go the black strip clubs though. We told him, we are buttts more that boobs. He was surprised and said, “you guys are white, you guys are supposed to like big titties” in a thick Indian accent.  

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