Bloggy Smloggy 10

For the 10^th edition of Bloggy Smloggy, I decided to write my Top 10 favorite sexual positions. So here they are.

Top 10 New Favorite Kinds of Sex I Just Made Up in My Head

1) Conversation Sex- Your talking as if your having a normal conversation (politics, war, religion)

2) Joke Sex- You laugh at the each other and make wise cracks about your partner.

3) Cry Sex- You both cry and tear up while you do it.

4) Nascar Sex- See how fast you can go

5) Stationary Sex- Where you just don't move and let it marinate.

6) Robot Sex- Talk, act, and move like robots.

7) End of the World Sex- Have sex like its the end of the world.

8) Busted Condom Sex-In where you cut the condom before you have sex and act like it broke on it's own (act real surprised and freak out).

9) Hamburger Helper Sex- In where you eat a hamburger, fries while doing it.

10) Household Chores Sex- Clean, do the dishes, vaccum while you do it.

Wash your hands

You know those signs in the bathroom that read “All employees must wash there hands before returning to work”. Does that mean customers don't have to wash there hands as patrons of there business? Why don't they make a sign that says, “Everyone should wash there hands”.  It makes me wonder why they would even need a sign to remind there employees to wash there hands. Were there rampant infections of diarehhea going on years ago because employees weren't washing there hands. What was the deal? Did room raiders come into random restaurants and noticed that fecal matter and piss was all over the prep table. I don't know if I believe in the word common sense anymore. I think common sense is a dying phrase. There's more nonsense then common sense these days. Wash your fecal filled hands!

Heavy Petting

There's nothing wrong with heavy petting. Heavy petting is what's hot in the streets right now. I could go for a great jobber. Ya know, just having some girl rubbing her hand through my pants viciously in the groin area. Heavy Petting was cool in grade school but sometimes you need to switch it up. Trends always go in circles, so it's time that Heavy Petting makes it's way back on the sexual to do list. So ladies if your reading, I'm up for a good ol fashioned hand j, h job, good ol tug, pull j, whatever you want to call it.  

Hot New Sites

There are so many wonderful dating sites out there like match.com and e harmony. I'm going to start my spin off on those classic dating sites. Here is a look at some of some new sites I'm starting.

Snatch.com- Obviously, this is spin off on match.com, but this is for those looking for a quick hook up rather than a relationship. Not just a regular hook up but a real, dirty, rough, wham bam thank you mam one night stand.

Clitter.com- Instead of Twitter, this is actually a site that I think may work. I've been thinking about this one for awhile. A person will post something like, “I'm dowtown near 4^th and wisconsin ave. looking to blow the first person who arrives in the next 15 minutes”. In a way its like prostitution but no money is exchanged. It's for the closet freaks who are white collar workers looking for free cheap sex that allows them to get away from the wife and kids.

Guest Writer of the Week “King of the Relapse” Submitted by Anonymous

Relapse:to fall or slip back into a former state, practice, etc.: to relapse into sleeping with an ex...

Years ago.... I, who will remain anonymous was dubbed the name in the act of relapsing, the King of the Relapse. Relaspsing continued for years like any addiction, and just like the Mafia- when you think your out- you get pulled back in, literally back inside.  I am sure many of you have done this, we all have, we are animals of repetition.  We like being comfortable, enjoying the company of someone we care(d) for and re-living the good times.  Then, eventually, feelings get strong again and one may feel stronger while the other does not...and then what, your in a Pickle, your friends say, "boy you got yourself in a mighty Pickle".

It starts with meeting up for dinner (on the phone "yeah I would  like to meet up, it has been awhile and I would like to see you" , then can lead to the eventual  'one' drink meeting

Relapse Scale:

Level 1 : Casual sex, late night booty calls (minor danger)

Level 2: Casual sex, hanging out maybe watching a movie (moderate danger)

Level 3: Lots of doing it, movie, ,more dinners, going out more in public (getting dangerous)

Level 4: The 'what are we doing' or 'what is this' talk (shit...you face a decision)

Relapsing, like any addiction affects many, whether it be oxy-contin, booze, sex, chocalate, and etc.

One will get the familiar taste in their mouths and are reminded of the good, then slowly but surely it happens again and again, until eventually you are the King of the Relapse.

Pre Load

Pre load is when a girl has already been creamed in by some dude earlier that day and while your having sex with her, you notice there's some other dude's seamen in her. This have never happened to but probably has happened to some guy somewhere and he was like, “Man, I was hitting that but something didn't feel right, I think she had pre load in her”. Pre loads are not good for the guy who gets sloppy seconds. It's actually a good gag for the first dude who puts the first load in. You never want to be the guy who puts the second load in (that's never fun). Don't get pre loaded, always check  (her) washer before you start putting in your man detergent.

Shampoo for the Love Below

Shampoo is wonderful! It makes your hair soft, sleek, and shiny. So, why don't we take that concept and make shampoo for your pubes. Regular shampoo doesn't work, trust me, I tried. It's still a coarse nappy mess. We need something that really gets in there. We have so many shampoo brands and scents that are for curly or straight, tangled or damaged, or soft and tough hair. Come on Dove, Pantene Pro V, Herbal Essence. I challenge to make a pube shampoo that detangles and leaves my afro with the scent of a cucumber melon passionfruit apple. 

Thank to the readers who still read this (I can probably count on my finger who still read this).  Without you Bloggy Smloggy 10 wouldn't be around