Bloggy Smloggy 9

Pandora

I like pandora so I decided to try and listen to new music because that's why it was invented. I tried creating a new station but they didn't have porno music. What the heck Pandora????? I like being creative to porno music, there's something about it that just gets my creative bug going. Then I went to type in masterbation and apparently there is a song called “Masterbation Blues”. I'm sure that would be saddest song to masterbate to. I'm sure it would bring you to tears. But anyways I thought I would get more creative, so I typed in the word penis and they do in fact have Penis Radio. Now it's currently one of my favorite stations. I'd never thought I'd be listening to Penis Radio.

I got a Adult

I like when parents say, “Oh yeah I got a kid”. That's too general. I understand you have your own kid but that's like me saying, “I have an adult” (referring to my mother). “Yep, that's my adult right there”.

“I need to call my adult. I hope my adult doesn't yell at me about who I hang out with”. Your kid is your child, your daughter, your son, so call it that.

Random Average Male Fact I Read on the Internet

The average male gets 10 erections while they sleep. The not so average me gets 20 erections while I sleep. Seriously, what do you do with all of those erections while you sleep? Hump the pillow next to you. I have a Pokemon pillow with Pikachu on it, I don't want to hump Pikachu. I don't even know if Pikachu is a girl or a boy and that's the only reason I don't hump it and the fact that I don't want spooge on my pillow. It's not like I wear a condom to sleep, so I can wake up in the middle of the night and just peel me one off. Hmmm, which might be a good idea, then I don't have to wake up plastered to the sheets because all of the random dude nectar on my sheets. In theory, you can use the pre wrap method before you go to sleep. Wear a condom to sleep, so when you get one of those random late night hard ons, you can rub it off in your condom. Go green and use an expired condom (don't throw those away).

Funny word of the week: Manually

If you say a word long enough. The word sounds weird and turns into another word with a new meaning.

Say manually a lot

Manually Manually Manually Manually

Use it in Sentence

I manually use a user manual to learn how to manually use my automatic car.

Take the word apart

Man U Ally- Like a man and u are in ally together doing stuff a suspicious activity.

Manu Ally- Now its two names, a guy named Manu and his girlfriend Ally or girl he just banged.

Ma Nu Ally- Now it your Ma(mother) in a Nu(new) ally. Like a new ally they just built and she decided to go in the new ally to see what all the fuss was about.

Manually is a funny word. I manually used my manhood with a girl last night.

Things in my Room

an expired condom from october 2010, a don mattingly baseball card, a paula dean cookbook, one pill of vicodin, once legal now illegal weed (K2), 5 different c rags, a lil bastard kit (water ballons, cigarettes, zippos, stink bombs, lube), 12 unsharpened pencils, and a van gogh painting

Building a Nest Revisted

As you know I discussed this topic; building a nest. However, while I was building a nest the other day I realized something. I forgot to add that while building a nest, there should be a couple of drops of pee on the seat. I know it sounds gross and disgusting, but think about it. With drops of fresh yellow pee on the seat, it creates a suction for the toliet paper to grab on. It serves as an adhesive, so when your swooping in to take a seat, the tp won't blow off. Yeah, now I know there might be some pee that goes through the toliet paper and you'll end up sitting on it. In fact, I know so. The toliet paper in public restrooms are not even 1 ply, i'm sure its like half a ply or something. But pee is sterile, so if it does seep through to your butt cheeks, which it probably will, don't worry, think of it as your own piss. In conclusion, if your building a nest, go for the toliet with a little pee on it (the yellower the better). It's going to stick a lot better.

I Made Another Drug Deal

I swear to you this is my last time I make a drug deal ( I mean be the middle middle man). I wanted to make one last big score then get out of the game. The drug game is too hot right now. So, I picked up the illegal drugs and called it quits. The drug dealer we bought it from was tripping on shrooms at 3pm on friday afternoon, smoking out of a “weed” bong, and doing pulls of goldshlager all the while playing Rockband with his college buddies. You know it's tough trying to live life right. I'm just trying to do right but the drug game keeps calling my name. I'm too old for this. I can't be the middle middle man and score dope from my friend's friend for my friend. After we made this huge score, my friend hooked me up with some of the illegal drugs. I got my quick fix on the illegal drugs that we scored and that was that. The End. Life's good. Paradise is calling my name. Now I just need a yacht and some cuban cigars with randoms hot chicks tanning on the deck of the boat.

Ex Sex

I want ex sex. You know.. sex with your ex. No, not with your ex (actually that would be cool). I mean sex with the ex. You know sex with the ex gf. I never got to do that. I want some good ol fashioned ex sex, then curl up in the fetal position after she leaves and cry myself to sleep while the Schindler's List theme music plays in the background.

Cry Juice

If you know me really good you probably know what cry juice is. But for those who don't know what Cry Juice is, its a inexpensive liquid intoxicant that induces a individual to emit emotions of sadness. Hence, that individual crying. Cry Juice for me is cheap rum, preferably San Juan which runs for $7.99 a liter. Not bad, it beats seeing a therapist. But you can't just drink Cry Juice out of the bottle, you need other supplies. That is why I invented the Cry Juice Kit. A Cry Juice Kit includes one Cry Juice Bottle, liter of your favorite cola, and a 5 hour energy. Obvisouly, you need energy for all those tears your going to shed. That's where the 5 hour energy comes in, because your probably going to lose a lot of water weight. The 5 hour energy replinshes your body with the essential vitamins, such as B12 to keep you crying strong throughout the night. That's your basic Cry Juice Kit but I recommned you go with the advanced Cry Juice Kit. The Cry Juice Pro Kit comes with a box of kleenex, a self help book, a emo mix cd, and a shoulder to cry on. Before the night, you need to designate one of your friends as a shoulder to cry on, that way you have someone to listen to you complain and moan about everything that's wrong in your life. For all those who drink Cry Juice, Prost!!! Raise your cry juice glasses! Your not alone! Stay thirsty my friends!!