Bloggy Smloggy 8

Intro/Isn't that Wierd?

Isn't weird to think that mothers of the worlds still give head to dudes. That's the same mouth they kiss there sons and daughters with. That's the same mouth they let their family know that they love them. It's the same mouth they articulate sentences and conjugate adverbs to make arguments in Corporate America. For example, Hillary Clinton or Condeleeza Rice. One day a wiener is in there mouth and the next day there overseas debating the oil issue in the Middle East talking to highly rated officials. I could see them talking to there hubbys and being like, “Let me give you a BJ before I make this speech at a press conference about International Peace”. I think that's weird. It's like a Catch 22 (more like catch 22 batches of seamen).

Yeah, I Would

I think it's funny when dudes always say to there guy friends, “Yeah I would” when a hot female walks by them. Yeah, of course I would, but what female in her right mind would sleep with me or any of my slapdick friends. I love how cocky we are as males that we would say, “I would totally do her” when there is no way that we will be linked to her sexually. Yeah “you would” if you and a friend gagged her, tied her up, and threw in the trunk of the car. but then that would be “we would” and “we would” isn't legal.

Objectify Me

I'm sick of men objectifying women.  I want women to start objectifying men. I want to be objectified and be treated like a hunky piece of meat. That would do wonders for my self esteem. I would feel so good about myself. Chicks always say they hate  when dudes hit on them. PSHHH!! What! Would you rather have a alpaca hit on you? I'm sure you'd be pretty pissed if zoo animals were busting game on you rather than some dudes. Come on... get that mess outta here. You know what? I don't even care if it's a man that objectifys me, as long as I'm being objectified. OBJECTIFY ME!!!!!!!!

The Wonderful Age We Live In

I am so happy that our generation grew up the time when technology took off. Are generation was here for the emergence of cell phones, computers, and cool gadgets. But most of all I'm very glad that I grew up with innovative porn. Porn back in the day was just guy on girl. Don't get me wrong they were innovators of the porn industry. You have to start somewhere, but guy on girl missionary style doesn't do it for the Average Joe anymore. Today, we live in a world of smut. Where you have so many porn categories: Ebony, Anal, Amatuer, Gang Bang, Asian, Facial, Milf, Deep Throat, Lesbian, Web Cam, College, Barely Legal, Gay, Sleep Creep, Interracial, and Blow Job. Just to name a few though. I mean this is porn heaven. How could of I survived in the old days of the porn recession when a nipple slip got a dude off. I don't think I could have. God Bless New Age Porn!!

Oh Baby

We need to rethink are terms of endearment to our significant others. For example, we use the word baby but we shouldn't be. Phrases like “Oh baby, I want you so bad” or “Give it me to me baby”. These are socially known accepted phrases we use when were in a relationship. But I believe this is unacceptable, if you take the term literally. A baby is a baby. That's like me in bed saying, “Oh infant your so hot”. Imagine if you substituted the word infant for baby, it just doesn't work. Or if I'm talking about my girlfriend to the fellas and say, “yep, that's her over there, thats my newborn”. How about if we said adolescent instead of baby. “Oh adoloscent”. “Come on you adoloscent”, you'd be on dogwatch and be labled a sexual predator your whole life. That goes with saying Pre Teen, Tween, and Teen, you can't get away with saying that to your loved one, she'd second guess her relationship with you and probably turn you over to the federales. As you can see nothing else really works except baby. Go ahead and try calling your partner/hubby a newborn, infant, adolescent, tween and see what happens. I would like to know the results.

My New Favorite Gift

Well I have a new favorite gift since gold bond was giving to me. It's a can opener. We lost are can opener at the house and I couldn't find it. So, I went to the Family Dollar and bought a janky can opener. I've used it several times and couldn't be happier. Is this what my life has become? I geniunely got excited about using my can opener when I knew I could open a can of beans. I was elated with joy and euphoria took over as I was opening a can of diced tomatos. Thank you can openers. I'm glad I didn't buy a man opener that would be another story.

Recipe of the Week: Diarrehea Chili (Poop Soup)

1 can Kidney Beans

1 can Black Beans

2 cans Diced Tomatos

1 lb. Ground turkey

4 slices of turkey bacon

Handful of Jalopeno Peppers

1 can of corn

A couple sprinkles of red pepper flakes

A dash of chili powder

Top with Shredded Cheese

Add drops of hot sauce

Add all ingredients in a big pot, brown turkey and bacon in seperate pans, add to big pot, let stew for 15 minutes. Serves about to 3-5.

Effects of Recipe of the Week

This is sure to give you diarrehea at least for a day and a half. If you've ever felt stuffed up, take this remedy and you'll be shooting flames outta of your @sshole for days. You'll feel like the BP oil spill of 2010 is spreading to your underwear with this lethal concoction.

Where's my Pen15?

Sometimes I look in my underwear and I see the saddest thing on earth. My penis is so sad looking. Seriously, it looks like it's always frowning. I have the smallest penis on Earth for my age group. You know how some people are hung like a horse. I'm hung like a field mouse. My penis looks like a tic tac. It's a little knub. Sometimes I forget I even have a penis and mistake my penis for a 3^rd testicle. Yeah, that's how unhung I am. I'm not going to sit around and tell you I'm a grower because I'm not. You should see me scratch myself. I don't even have to use my whole hand, I use my pinky. If your a girl..... don't ever have sex with me, unless you want to have sex with a pixie stick.  Please, this is a public service announcement.   I'm not mad. I embrace my manhood (the little of what's there).