Bloggy Smloggy 23

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!! It's a bloggy! It's a Smloggy! It's a bloggy smloggy!

I'm B A Now!

I'm so B A! Why? I go through red lights so I can feel like a criminal. I want to feel so bad @$$. I know its not the best way to feel like a thug. I mean, I'm really putting others and myself in danger. I've gone through two red lights the past week. Gosh, I'm so hardcore. I'm hard to the core, mannn. I realize I'm impressing know one though, but I'm taking baby steps to being B A.

Words of Wisdom.

I once was told by a high school friend of mine, “If a girl can't keep her socks clean, she probably can't keep her vagina clean”. Well said, well said.. old colleague of mine. So, check the socks before you do a chick.

Is it Gay?

Is it gay that I skype with a guy I know who lives in the same city as I do, not more than 8 miles away? Is it gay that we go shopping at Aldi's together as well? Is it gay that I suck his dick from time to time? Ok, the last part wasn't true but the first two sentences were.

I have a Dream

Another segment of a weird dream I have. I was in this small town candy store with a few of my buddies. The townies obviously knew we were from the "big city". They were scared of us and told us not to steal the candy. We told them we were going to pay for the candy but they didn't believe us. I realized it was a sting operation. All of a sudden the candy store owners had guns. They had blocked the door's off. My two other friends had escaped. I ran out the backdoor. Gunshots were being fired. I luckily woke up before I died. In conclusion, this mess was all over a few dollars worth of candy which I was going to buy anyway. A lot of innocent people could've been hurt over some candy cigarettes, now and laters, and some skittles. I don't understand why these candy owners were being bias towards me. Overall, I was hurt emotionally. I just wanted some candy to sweeten up my day.

Stuff My Grandma Laughs At

I was at Culvers the other day with my mom and grandma. There were two college students in the booth behind us discussing college issues (getting hammered, not studying, and sex). Judging by the looks of these two yokels they probably have never seen a beav. But, I overheard them talking about  abortion and how this girl he knew wanted to go to a clinic. College kid 1 joked to College Kid 2, “well, I told her, you should have someone push you down the stairs”. I reiterated this to my grandmother. She lol'd at the abortion joke. Good job gams.

Cuntfidence

Cuntfidence? What's is it? It's that confidence in a woman's hoo hah. But no one likes a c*nt. I don't like saying that word. It's that b*tchy arrogance that a slut has. “Look at me, you know you wanna hit this”. It's that type of mentality that cuntfidence is all about.

My Wonderful Weekend

Bachelor Party Brewers vs Cardinals

Saturday June 11, 2011

We started off the tailgate 3 hours before the first pitch which was at 6pm. To get things moving, me and a buddy who I haven't seen since my formative years, got going on some bags. We owned the “bags” or cornhole for 3 straight wins. Then 3 beers in, I started to unfocus and the demise of our legacy was depleted to that of standard high school novice bags team. The pre tailgate/bachelor party was mild and tame by my standards. No beer bongs, keg stands, or penis straws but before we left to go in the game, which we arrived 4 innings too late, I started a shotgun trend. We started to shotgun our beers. However, I realize I suck at this and should've never started it. It took me 3 attempts before I could fully down my triple hops Miller Lite. It must've been the new “taste protector lid” that locked in that great taste. Then on of the guys invented a game, which involved private parts and the bean bags. I called it penis bags in where you and your opponent face each other on opposite ends and try to hit each others' private with the bean bag. We played this game with another tailgater who was a girl. She eventually sat on the cornhole board with her legs spread eagle.

Highlights

-Ate 3 brats during the tailgate (the next day it smelled like there was a brat factory meltdown in my pants)

-As we were exiting the game me and a buddy ate some half eaten nachos in a small memborila helmet in one of the rows before we left the game. Hey, they were cold but still very delicious (the peppers on those chips were top notch).

-There was a speed pitch cage that measured how fast you threw. I topped out at 61mph with my strong hand and topped out on 48 mph with my strong hand. I'll never make the bigs. This means I could probably be in the starting rotation for a division 2 high school junior varsity team. Wait to go me!

-I took a 5 hour energy before I went to bed because someone told me you don't get hangovers the next day. Yeah they also forgot to tell you, you don't get any sleep. I had to be up the next day at 6:30am.We had a bonfire at my house post tailgate. It was just me and my roommate. We burned a lot of newspaper that night.

Digital Cruster Plug

Henze and Naked Guy have another podcast out. This time we do it sober so we try to tackle other issues instead of talking about what we usually talk about. Check it out at www.digitalcruster.com. Download the newest one. I think its podcast 8 or 9. If anyone ever want's to be on it let us know. Henze is always looking for people to interview you don't have to be unique, you can be boring if you want. So let me know or let him know. We are on facebook, so check out the digital cruster “fan” page. I had to put fan in quotations.

2's my internet friends