Intro
The Big 30. 30 is the new 16. Did you know that? Yeah, its like High School all over again. It's like getting your license and being able to drive. Not really though. If your 30 years old, you either married, divorced, or your married thinking about divorce. Or your like me, single and thinking about divorce even though I'm not married. That's my spiel for the day.
Movie Ratings and People
Movie ratings are all jacked up if you really think about it. Lets take a look at them.
G- G is for the General Audience yet the general audience doesn't watch g movies. Kids under 6 watch G movies. The general audience doesn't watch cartoon movies or talk in generic terms. I don't think Bambi was even G rated.
PG- These movies stand for Parental Guidance (some material may not be suitable for children).Some of the best movies are PG (The Mighty Ducks Series, Little Big League, Angels in the Outfield). How are some of these movies no suitable for children? Kids grow up so fast, these days. Half these kids are smoking cigarettes in the 6th grade and having rainbow parties in the 7th grade. We are so naive.
PG13- Parents are strongly cautioned to let children under 13 to watch these movies. So, if your 14 you can do anything you see in a PG 13 movie. For example, dry hump and drink wine coolers. All the fun stuff teens get to do.
R- Oh, were seeing a R rated movie this is so taboo. These movies are for adults only. Are R rated movies the way adults act and interact? It's like when your 18, you can swear, smoke cigarettes, and have sex. I guess as humans ,if you over the age of 18, you are R rated (if you were a movie rating). Your a R rated person according to the MPAA. An R rated movie should be rated PG 18. “Hey man lets go see the new Fast & Furious movie, I heard its PG 18”. I love PG 18 movies!!!!
NC-17- Obviously no one under the age of 17 is admitted to watch these movies. Leave this rating symbol for all the sick twisted perverts out there. This is porno.
Equator Seats
I don't think I have mentioned poop for like 4 blogs now. I thought I discussed everything there was about pooping technique, strategy, and theory. But, I found one more poop annoyance while talking a poop. It's the warmness of the seat. I hate sitting on a warm seat because that means someone has been there, and I mean been there. Obviously, I'm building my nest but geez, when I can feel the heat of the seat burn through the layers of toilet paper, I'm in trouble. We call these hot seats, equator seats because they are so hot. I want a nice cold seat, so I know that no one has been on the pot dropping fiery loads of nastiness. Equator Seats got me hot, humid, and all moist, and I don't like that. I'm sure this won't be the last discussion on poop either. There are many more topics involving fecal matter that I haven't even touched yet.
Porn
Yes, we all know I'm a proponent of shooting loads to YouTube videos of booty shaking, specifically, white girl booty shake. But I never really defended the subject as to I why I do it. The avid masturbator jacks off to porn. Porn is usually a man and woman making sweet sweet love on a camera. Most of the shots are dick in butt, dick in vagina, or dick in mouth. So, if your a dude cranking it to some Internet porn, you are basically watching another dude doing a chick you want to do. Your a voyeur, your a creep, and you know it. I would say 70% of the porn your watching is of a dude going in and out of a girl. I know there have been times when I've cranked it, and accidentally cranked it where it was just an @$$ shot of a dude. It happens, oh well. But this is why I crank it to you tube videos. It's all girls, no dudes, and leaves a lot to the imagination. Let me ask you this, does watching another dude bang a chick get you off? Yes, if you watch porn, then yes, yes it does. Your are all sickos! You all like watching dudes have sex.
My Wonderful Weekend
Thirsty Thursday
Thursday July 28, 2011
-Pre gaming in mom's kitchen by drinking Jack and Coke. Also, secretly doing 3 shots of Patron.
-First bar we go to, my buddy bought 12 beers of PBR at Cans. It was dollar night, so we got 12 beers for $12. You got to love Milwaukee for these nights. We ended up having a chug fest. Not sure who one though.
- After we leave Cans, we saw some guys drinking out of a boot at BBCs (a local bar). The normal thing to do is yell out “DAS BOOT!” loudly when you see someone drinking out of a boot. So, I'm yelling “DAS BOOT DAS BOOT!!!!!!!” These other drunk guys think I'm yelling at them. At this point, I'm like “oh crap what did I just get my drunk self into”. This guy aggressively comes over to me, shoves me against my buddy's car and grabs me by my v neck shirt. I seriously almost shat my pants when this guy stepped up to me. I thought he was going to knock me out. My brother quickly rips this guy off me and pins him down on the ground. My brother is yelling , “stay down stay down”. This guy responds, “yall n*gg@$ strong, ya'll eat beans”. My brother responds, “we sure do eat our beans”. My other brother is yelling saying,” bring it bring it” as he is lifting his shirt up. I think these guys were saying they have guns or something. Great, I'm going to get shot for saying “DAS BOOT!” These guys girlfriends quickly tell them to go as they are outnumbered. We had 5 guys and they had 2. I end up hugging these dudes girlfriend's saying, “hey it's all good”. My other buddy, Earthy A is calming this other guy by restraining him. As we leave the scene, we see these two guys who wanted to fight us, flip over a table, thus starting another fight with some people. Thank you guys for being there because if you weren't there, I would've gotten my @$$ beat.
-I hugged NBA Player Devin Harris in front of Kenadees (a hot club on Milwaukee Street).
-Danced with my shirt off at Dicks (no its not a gay club, only on Friday).
-Played swords with my friend and peeing all over the bathroom. He saw that I was doing this, so he picked up my penis like picking a berry off a bush and pointed it towards the toilet.
-I stole 2 bags of chips at Jimmy Johns at 3am in the morning. I had one bag of chips hidden in my shirt and the other bag of chips I gave to my friends. The manager saw that we were eating chips and knew we didn't pay for them. So, I ended up buying the bag of chips. Basically, I bought one and got one free.
-Going to the Casino after bar time and winning $50 playing Black Jack I put the cut card of Blackjack in my mouth. I'm pretty sure they should've kicked me out before I got there.
-Getting home at 3:30am and talking to my brother while he was pooping. I guess I tried holding his hand. He pleaded for me to leave. So I did and passed out.
This is what I remember from the night. If you were there and would like to add comments please do so. I'm sure the general public would like to know.
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