Bloggy Smloggy 34

Intro

Who declines a full time salaried job with benefits in a recession? This guy. Why? Because I'm different. Maybe I don't want to play by the rules or the “book”. Maybe I want to discover life and it's challenges. Maybe it's because I'm not you. Maybe its because I need a change, a challenge. Maybe, I want to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I want experience. Maybe, there is a lot of mabyes. I made a decision and now I got to stick with it. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was right. But I have to live with that decision. In the end it's my life.

Fish Oils

I bought some Fish Oil pills with Omega 3s. It's all the rage now. Apparently, it promotes a healthy heart. If I can buy 120 pills for $3.99 that promotes a healthy heart then so be it. I'm just trying to love again. I don't understand how these fish oil supplements work with the ingredients; sardines, anchovies, sprat, clupea, salmon, and soy. What the hell is sprat? Does that sound healthy? You ever look at a sardines and anchovies? And ponder to yourself, “Wow those look healthy and delicious”. No, those are gross, but anyways, will see if my heart gets healthy and if I will start to love again.

All You Can Eat Wings

I went to Quaker Steak & Lube, its a wing joint, and they have all you can eat wings on Tuesday nights for $10.99. I went through 25 wings before I had to tap out. I had probably 10 different sauced wings. I was preparing myself for some “wing sh*ts” the next day. I hammered at two softcore poops. I mean it wasn't like knives were coming out my @$$hole or anything. It was pretty tame. I think I've finally built an butt immunity. My butt can take it, it can take anything. Just give it to me. I like it spicy and juicy.

Babies are Its

I call babies “its” and people always are dumbfounded. I'm like it's an “it”. A baby is an it. They can't talk, they drool, they can't walk, and they cry. What the hell do you think I'm going to call a baby, a baby? Nah man, skip that, babies are it's. For example, I'll say to a mother, “I don't know how to hold it”,“Look at it cry”, “is that a he it or a she it”. Your an it, it.

Gym Talk/ Locker Room

Ahh.... to be one of the guys. The commardarerie of the locker room. Where guys can be guys. Fart. Burp. Talk Sh*t. That's what the locker room is all about. After a nice sweaty workout, this is our safe zone. This where some of the deepest life conversations go on, where problems are solved, and just plain ole man gossip. I like the locker room for the “gag” aspect, in where one can joke around and joke around homo sexually. Here are some “gags” I pulled off, while I was at my brother's local gym in Chicago.

-Going into my brother's shower stall and asking him, “Hey, is this shower being used?” while I stare at him naked opening my towel.

-Then taking the next shower stall beside him and saying, “Hey brother! Can you see my pee stream?” (as I peed into his shower stall).

-Then are other buddy was in the next stall, so I would slip my foot onto his foot and play footsies.

-Finally, as we were all showered up, I was the last to get out. I went to my brother while he was changing in the locker room and awarkdly asked him, “Hey are you the guy from Craiglist's who I'm supposed to meet at locker 96 at 5:30 today?” We all kinda chuckled but were wondering what the guys were thinking in the rows near us.

My Wonderful Weekend

Friday August 26^th, 2011

Chicago House Party

Went to my brother's house for a multiple birthday party. It was a very diverse/mix of people from hipsters, dee jays, gays, hip hop heads, people from Africa, chulos, pot heads, drug users, ya know the whole 9 yards. I don't get that term the “ whole 9 yards”. Shouldn't it be the “whole 10 yards”, that would make more sensee. There was an ecclectic mix of people, I enjoyed it immensly. There wasn't any chachy douche bags there. Here are some highlights of the gathering. I never made it out to the bar.

-The night started early around 7ish as I drank vodka and energy drink called “Canadian Beaver Buzz” in the kitchen of my brother's apartment. This energy drink was called Canadian Beaver Buzz and its slogan was “dam good”. We also did shots of vodka and scotch. This is all before 9pm as I had several shots.

-I remember playing with a Samuari Sword. We decided to hide this, as we knew this was not going to be a good idea.

-Putting on a girl's summer dress and making a thong out of my underwear, then bending over in front of people.

-My brother beating me up and putting me in a chokehold, thus me waking up the next morning and the next 3 days unable to move my neck. I probably should have went to the doctor but did I? No. My benefits and insurance just ran out today. Why didn't I go earlier? I don't know. Stop asking me questions.

-Bringing the “boop” back, where you touch a girl's nose with your finger and say “boop”! Most girls get creeped out when I do this. You should see a guy's reaction when I do this.

-Grabbing a girl's butt in front of her boyfriend saying, “hey I'm grabbing your girlfriend's @ss”.

-Banging my head into the wall saying, “I'm stupid stupid stupid”. I'm not sure if I was about my job or just how dumb drunk I got.

Overall, I haven't blacked out this like in a long time. Vodka is bad. Vodka is a evil spirit (pun intended).

Censored Swearing

Have you noticed that I don't swear in my blogs (or at least spell it out)? For example, when I saw butt in my blog, I spell it @$$. Or I spell the S word, $h*t. Or when I say the f word, I spell it f*ck. I really don't swear in real life, so why should I swear in this blog. This is a PG-18 blog, let's keep it nice and censored. I like how I can't spell swear words like the f word, s word, or b word but I'll say cunt, pussy, and clit. Ya know, hyprocrisy. What evs with a capital W.

What my buddy Nip's had for dinner on August 31, 2011.

Big Mac with no onions, large french fries, and a McDouble with no ketchup.  

Twos.......

Bloggy Smloggy 33

Intro/(hungover rant)

What's up with Back to the Future? Think about that movie. It's about how a kid who goes back in time so his mom can do him. Seriously, watch it. Marty McFly's mom is all over him. This movie is on some reverse Fruedian ish. He is all of sudden back in time in the 50s when his mom is in high school. Things start to get hot and heavy. Marty takes his mom to the prom or the homecoming dance or some stupid dance. She feels his thigh up at the dinner table. I mean Marty' mom is all over Marty. This movie is weird. It's not an American classic movie, it's a frickin sick twisted tale of perversion.

Things I Make a Big Deal About

Walking into public places first

I never want to be the first one walking into a bar or restaurant because people always stare at that person first. I don't want to be the first impression of the social group I'm with. That's a lot of responsibility and pressure. For example, if I'm with a group of 4 people, I'll say, “I call 3^rd person going in!” That way, I'm not the first one going in or the last, but I just kind of marinate in the middle.

My car ride boners

I make my boners such a big deal that the people in the car ride can't look away. For example, I show them the imprint through my jeans or shorts. I have averaged out the number of boners I get per hour in a car ride. I get 1 boner per hour (1bph). That's saying a lot when your riding in car full of dudes. Get at me, my bph is off the meters!!! Most ya'll probably bonering at .5 bph (only 1 boner per 2 hours). That's weak. I'm an all star! MVP!

Live Poop Texting

This text came from my buddy who is nicknamed after a vagina (it's twat). This is him texting me on a random weekday while he struggled with pooping. Her are his texts verbatim, in chronological order.

This took place from 10:18am-10:26am.

- “I am pooping now”

- “nothing is coming out”

- “I just want a healthy dump”

- “nothing is”

- “just loud farts”

- “I feel like I am letting myself down”

- “I could get a roid from all this pushing”

- “wait a baby turd just came out”

- “not enough to make me feel like a man though”

- “I wipe my butt hole now”

- “or I could sit longer”

- “how long do you sit and poop for”

- “wait I feel another little guy”

- “I feel like I am going to have to get it with my finger”

- “wait here it comes”

- “and another little little guy”

- “Praise Jesus”

- “My Butthole works sort of”

- “I will return to my former glory”

- “just not today”

Analysis: This is a 20 text poop ordeal. This is the most texts I've ever received from one man about his pooping crisis. It's truly an in depth look of how pooping can destroy a man's ego.

My Wonderful Weekend

No Vice Weekend

August 20, 2011

I had this thought earlier this week that I was going to refrain from drugs, booze, and masturbation, henze no vice week. Well I refrained from the drugs, masturbation, and sex but not from the booze. Give me some credit, I made it until Saturday with no booze, beer, wine coolers, cocktails, shots, etc. Here is how it all started. I got a random text saying “Going away party/birthday party free booze and food”. I obliged to this text and no vice week turned to lets get wasty.

Saturday Night Highlights

-Taught fellow attendants of the party what a fart grenade was. A fart grenade is when you cup your fart in your hand and then release it in to your friend's face. I did not come up with this (my buddy in college who resembles a Keebler Elf did). He had this natural born talent where he could fart in his hand, “bottle” it, and then release it as if it were a grenade. This actually works. No one knew what fart grenades were, so I was breaking down the science of how fart grenades work. Anyone can do it. If you have a hand and you can expel gas, well then you sir/miss, you can do a fart grenade. "Fire in the Hole!"

-I drank a lot of beers at this party and eventually got everyone “shotgunning” beers. Then after that, we went off to Hotel Foster.

-Telling randoms I was having an after bar at my friend's buddy's parents house.

-Buying a beer for my buddy at Hotel Foster then putting down a tip then taking it back, then putting it back then taking it back, because I was being indecisive. Matter of fact, the beer was Old Milwaukee. You don't tip for crappy beers, it's defeats the whole purpose in buying a $2 beer. I'm sure Old Milwaukee does not promote tipping for their piss water beer.

-Putting Altoids in random body parts ie; my ear, nose, and belly button. Then trying the unthinkable by putting one in my butthole. My jeans were too tight and it failed. I'm glad it did. Imagine if you got an Altoids wedged up your butt, Altoids hurt enough in your mouth.

-Breaking into the house that we partied at (aka my buddy knew where they hid the house key), eating 2 brats at 3:00am, then contemplating whether we should sleep in there living room. The couch was too stiff, so I said “f it” were driving home. I sobered up from the 2 brats I ate that I garnished with horseradish, mustard, and jalapenos. It was a spicy brat.

Pee Cups

Went boating on the Milwaukee River on lovely Saturday afternoon. We had to pee but had no where to dock, so we would make “pee cups”. Basically peeing in a cup on the boat then throwing the pee in the river. There were 3 of us on the boat and we all used the same “pee cup”.  

1 + 1 = 2's

Bloggy Smloggy 32

Intro

I'm always injuring myself.  You ask, now what did you do to yourself?  Well, I threw out my back.  You ask, how did I do that?  I don't know, I got drunk.  It's been a struggle living like the hunchback of notre dame.  I feel like a minion, like that dude igor, who goes "yes master.... yes master....."  Oh well, you only live once right?  I know that saying doesn't really go with this but hey it works for me.

Wearing the Pants

Attention All Ladies!!! If you are reading this, let this be known, I'll let you wear the pants in a relationship. Here, here is my pants, you can wear them. I'm pretty indecisive, as well as a pee on, non confrontational, soft spoken, and a pushover. I will be your obedient little troll. I'm such a pu$$y! You can walk all over me. I'm the labia, the minor and major. I'm the clitoris, the lips, the innards, that's how much of a a pu$$y I am. So, ladies if your looking for some pants, I'll let you wear them because I'm Nude Dude and Nude Dude's don't wear pants.

Give and Take

This say relationships are based on give and take. Yeah as in, “I give it to her and she takes it”.

2 in the Pink 1 in the Stink Phrases

Here are some phrases me and my bro did in a car ride about 5 years ago. Oh yeah, my mom was present the whole time we made these up.

Here's the list sickos.....

2 in the slot, 1 in the pot                               2 in the valley, 1 in the back alley

2 in the clit, 1 in the slit                                   2 in the maker, 1 in the taker

2 in the gush, 1 in this bush                             2 in the goop, 1 in the poop

2 in the gak, 1 in the crack                              2 in the noose, 1 in the goose

2 in the pinkie, 1 in the stinkie                         2 in the middle, 1 in the sh*thole

2 in the hole, 1 in the bowl                              2 in the flow, 1 in where she goes 

2 in the soggy, 1 in the doggy                         2 in the blood, 1 in the mud

2 in the pocket, 1 in the socket                        2 in the red, 1 in the shed

2 in the beaver, 1 in the receiver                      2 in the trap, 1 in the crap

2 in the nann, 1 in the can                                2 in the snapper, 1 in the crapper

2 in the snatch, 1 in the hatch                           2 in the clam, 1 in the dam 

2 in the giney, 1 in the hiney                            2 in the cooter, 1 in the shooter

2 in the pouch, 1 in the ouch                            2 in the pisser, 1 in the kisser

2 in the sludge, 1 in the fudge                          2 in the coo cah, 1 in the oh ah

I Get Angry About.....

Men who text

What the hell is wrong with you? Grow some balls and call me, you jabroni! It irks me to think that a grown man can't talk on the phone. Imagine how funny grown men look while they text. Just picture it. It looks douchy.

Boys who eat ringpops

First of all, you are wearing a ring like your some married little fruit. Then secondly you lick and suck the thing like a penis. I guess I can't hate I like ring pops. Cheery is my favorite!

People who lick there ice cream

What's up with that? Why do you lick it? Bite into the ice cream. Enjoy it. Chew it. Don't be a derelict. You know how to eat ice cream. Observe these ice cream lickers. These people get all into the lick. They get all in it. They lick it like a big elephant dong. It's like in porn, pre money shot, right before there getting the load. Don't lick, lickers! Consume.

My Wonderful Weekend

Hi Hat/Garage

Friday August 12, 2011

I kept things PG this night because I had to work the next day. It was a co worker's birthday, so we gathered at Hi Hat/Garage on Brady Street for some beverages. They have a daily deal there called mystery beers for $1 in which they give you a random crappy beer in a brown bag. I love mystery beers because of the great value and of course the horrible selection of beer! I enjoyed 3 mystery beers over the course of the night. I started off the night hot with an Old English, then I scored big with a Blatz. I traded for the Blatz because I ended up with a Milwaukee Best. I hate Milwaukee's Best when it's not light. These beers were all unexpired which was great, which usually isn't the case. The score of the night was when my buddy got a Hamms. Hamm's is a beer I've actually purchased in my beer purchasing days as a college coed (that is before I found Rum). A low key night if you will.

Podcast Recording (Digital Cruster Episode 13)

Saturday August 13, 2011

HenzeItunes and download Digital Cruster Episode 13 you will find out what we did, talked about, and how much self deprecation we have.. Do it... Do it.... Do it....

Bloggy Smloggy 31

Intro

I have to take a timeout here. I know most of the stuff I write about is weird and obscure, but that's what the American Wet Dream is about. It's a soundboard for me to get these sick thoughts out of my head, so these thoughts don't come out in standard American conversation. In a way, I'm normalizing myself for society. It's therapuetic to vent these strange ideals of mine. This blog is to convey my unedited thoughts. It's basically a roller coaster of mental perverted thoughts that are crammed up in my head. Without further ado....

Jump plus Farts = ??????

While jumping in mid air, in the most theatrically thesbian way, squeeze out a fart while twisting in a 360 degree motion. Thus you get the most acrobatic fart of mankind, the Jump Fart. I recently started Jump Farting. Jump Farting is the bes,t when you blow a mist of butt air into someone's face, as there kneeling to pick something up. Obviously, Jump Farts are new to the world of farting. So, there is a lot of moves you can do. There is the Jump Fart Waltz, Hip Hop Jump Fart, the KamiKaze, and everyone's favorite The 720 McTwist Jump Fart. I hope Jump Farts take off and sweep the nation just like pogs, silly bands, and chia pets.

Hygeine on the Toliet

I tried flossing my teeth while I was pooping. An unfeatable act of courage and humilty. I failed. I couldn't tell where my teeth were and which teeth I did. So in mid poop, I got up and flossed, then went back to my toliet seat to conclude my pooping session. You might ask why I tried doing this. Well, the dentist told me I have gingivitis, so I needed to up my flossing. There you have it, you satisfied now.

Ice Cold

“Get your ice cold beer here”. “How about I get you an ice cold water”. “Here's a ice cold lemonade to wet your pallet”. The “ice cold” phrase is way over used. I'm sick of this term. It's like we use ice cold as a way to make that certain beverage sound better than it actually is. You know what?? Give me an “ice cold vagina” or an “ice cold penis” to shine up.

My Wonderful Weekend

The Birth of “Charlie GreenChips”

Thursday August 4, 2011

  Pre gamed with Hennessy and Coke in my mom's kitchen with my brothers. Your probably wondering, 'Why the hell is he always in his mom's kitchen?' Well, my brothers were in town for the night, so that's the best place to pre party. So, we exit her house as she is hustling us out the door. I can't blame her, who wants to watch their children get drunk and obnoxious. So, we take a couple of “road sodas”. Road sodas are another term for mixed drinks while in a car. These are essential for an evening out, if you plan to get “wasty” for cheap. We drink these road sodas in Earthy A's car while taking pulls of Hennessy. We hit up your local watering holes (BBC and Hotel Foster). This night does not involve fights, thankfully.

  As we get bored with those bars, we hit up Milwaukee Street (see trendy hipsters, collard shirts, and clubbers). I told the bouncer at Kenadees ( a hip trendy spot), that if I get ever get drunk or annoying your allowed to knock me out. This guy is big and I mean big. This guy could be Mike Tyson's stunt double, if Mike Tyson ever needed one. He responded, “that's good to know”, as he kinda of smirked at me with an evil chuckle. Yes, chuckles can be evil.

  Then it was off to Buckhead's Saloon. The typical age of this bar is 18-24 years old, I'm 29 so I fit right in. I was dance machine, jumping on there stage, skipping, and hopping. Everytime a hip hop song came on, I felt I was there hypeman, yeah the hypeman no one was paying attention to though.

  The night concluded at Potowatomi Casino. As we were entering the casino, I was being loud, as I was yelling “Lord of Mercy, Rude Boy, One Time for Ya Mind One Time” and other reggae sayings. The security guard didn't take kindly to this and denied me access. I was kicked out before I even got in. Of course I made a big spiel about it and mocked the security guard, saying how I wasn't drunk. But by doing that I probably was making her case, that in fact I was too drunk to enter.

  So, we walk back to the car and meet this Doctor from Shorewood who offers us a beer in the parking lot. We drink it and discuss our next move. I decide I'm sneaking back in. I put on one of Earthy A's white t shirt and his hat. We go through a different entrance and just like that I'm back in. I should have taken a hint, that I was kicked out for a reason, but I was determined to gamble that night.

We hit the blackjack table and I was up $100, so I had my brother cash my chips in. But as soon as he came back I put down $100 he had cashed in. He looked at me with regret on why I just did that. I was feeling real good at this point. I started betting $25 a hand and this is when “Charlie GreenChips” was born. I told the dealer to call me Mr. GreenChips because green chips are $25 and that's the lowest amount I bet. To say the least Charlie GreenChips ended up losing all his money. But don't think Charlie GreenChips is dead, he has just begun. Just like my other alter egos; Naked Guy and Throwdown, Charlie GreenChips is here to stay.

Minocqua Highlights

Friday Aug 5- Sunday Aug 7

Every year our buddy Toe invites us to his parent's cabin in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. It's a beautiful lake house with great amenities. It's a 5 hour drive from Milwaukee. We usually average around 15 dudes. It gets pretty sausagy in there, a lot of meat, its basically our way of saying, “F women were here to be dudes, male dudes”.

Here are some of the highlights, actually here is the highlight.

Playing “Gay Chicken” with my buddy Nik. “Gay Chicken” is a game that our buddies play. I think my buddy Nik made it up. But this game involves 2 heterosexual dudes who go in for a kiss, the first one to back out loses. In this game there is one winner or two losers. Nik claims to never have lost at a game of “Gay Chicken”. So, being the competitor I am, I challenged him to a match. The match had begun, we both went into the game knowing that we wern't going to pull back. We got closer and closer and no one was backing out. At last, we touched lips, (with the help of his hand on the back of my head pulling me closer). This happened on the car ride back, completely sober, in between my friend Dan who was riding b*tch in the backseat. We have footage if anyone wants to see it. It's not a full makeout but its a good kiss. It was like an awkard first kiss between two 8^th graders. I mean he ended backing out after the kiss had happened, so I believe I won due to a TKO (Technical Kiss Out). A TKO is when you both have touched lips, so there is no winner until the other person backs off. I think if we were alone, we probably would have making out for hours. I heart you Niki Poo!! I hope your reading. So, as of today, I hold the Gay Chicken Title Belt. Get at me if you want to play Gay Chicken.

I guess that was the highlight of the weekend for me. I'm not sure why that is a highlight because it involves me kissing another man.

Google "Digital Cruster", Search "Digital Cruster" on Itunes, or type in www.digitalcruster.com

Listen to this Podcast!!!!!!! www.digitalcruster.com.  It's easy to do. It's FREE! It's Henze, Swanny, and Nude Dude.  He has recorded about 11 podcasts.  Listen it to while you wake up or if you have ipod listen to in your car.  

I bid you gentleman and ladies farewell

Bloggy Smloggy 30

Intro

The Big 30.  30 is the new 16.  Did you know that?  Yeah, its like High School all over again.  It's like getting your license and being able to drive.  Not really though.  If your 30 years old, you either married, divorced, or your married thinking about divorce.  Or your like me, single and thinking about divorce even though I'm not married.  That's my spiel for the day.

Movie Ratings and People

Movie ratings are all jacked up if you really think about it. Lets take a look at them.

G- G is for the General Audience yet the general audience doesn't watch g movies. Kids under 6 watch G movies. The general audience doesn't watch cartoon movies or talk in generic terms. I don't think Bambi was even G rated.

PG- These movies stand for Parental Guidance (some material may not be suitable for children).Some of the best movies are PG (The Mighty Ducks Series, Little Big League, Angels in the Outfield). How are some of these movies no suitable for children? Kids grow up so fast, these days. Half these kids are smoking cigarettes in the 6^th grade and having rainbow parties in the 7^th grade. We are so naive.

PG13- Parents are strongly cautioned to let children under 13 to watch these movies. So, if your 14 you can do anything you see in a PG 13 movie. For example, dry hump and drink wine coolers. All the fun stuff teens get to do.

R- Oh, were seeing a R rated movie this is so taboo. These movies are for adults only. Are R rated movies the way adults act and interact? It's like when your 18, you can swear, smoke cigarettes, and have sex. I guess as humans ,if you over the age of 18, you are R rated (if you were a movie rating). Your a R rated person according to the MPAA. An R rated movie should be rated PG 18. “Hey man lets go see the new Fast & Furious movie, I heard its PG 18”. I love PG 18 movies!!!!

NC-17- Obviously no one under the age of 17 is admitted to watch these movies. Leave this rating symbol for all the sick twisted perverts out there. This is porno.

Equator Seats

I don't think I have mentioned poop for like 4 blogs now. I thought I discussed everything there was about pooping technique, strategy, and theory. But, I found one more poop annoyance while talking a poop. It's the warmness of the seat. I hate sitting on a warm seat because that means someone has been there, and I mean been there. Obviously, I'm building my nest but geez, when I can feel the heat of the seat burn through the layers of toilet paper, I'm in trouble. We call these hot seats, equator seats because they are so hot. I want a nice cold seat, so I know that no one has been on the pot dropping fiery loads of nastiness. Equator Seats got me hot, humid, and all moist, and I don't like that. I'm sure this won't be the last discussion on poop either. There are many more topics involving fecal matter that I haven't even touched yet.

Porn

Yes, we all know I'm a proponent of shooting loads to YouTube videos of booty shaking, specifically, white girl booty shake. But I never really defended the subject as to I why I do it. The avid masturbator jacks off to porn. Porn is usually a man and woman making sweet sweet love on a camera. Most of the shots are dick in butt, dick in vagina, or dick in mouth. So, if your a dude cranking it to some Internet porn, you are basically watching another dude doing a chick you want to do. Your a voyeur, your a creep, and you know it. I would say 70% of the porn your watching is of a dude going in and out of a girl. I know there have been times when I've cranked it, and accidentally cranked it where it was just an @$$ shot of a dude. It happens, oh well. But this is why I crank it to you tube videos. It's all girls, no dudes, and leaves a lot to the imagination. Let me ask you this, does watching another dude bang a chick get you off? Yes, if you watch porn, then yes, yes it does. Your are all sickos! You all like watching dudes have sex.

My Wonderful Weekend

Thirsty Thursday

Thursday July 28, 2011

-Pre gaming in mom's kitchen by drinking Jack and Coke. Also, secretly doing 3 shots of Patron.

-First bar we go to, my buddy bought 12 beers of PBR at Cans. It was dollar night, so we got 12 beers for $12. You got to love Milwaukee for these nights. We ended up having a chug fest. Not sure who one though.

- After we leave Cans, we saw some guys drinking out of a boot at BBCs (a local bar). The normal thing to do is yell out “DAS BOOT!” loudly when you see someone drinking out of a boot. So, I'm yelling “DAS BOOT DAS BOOT!!!!!!!” These other drunk guys think I'm yelling at them. At this point, I'm like “oh crap what did I just get my drunk self into”. This guy aggressively comes over to me, shoves me against my buddy's car and grabs me by my v neck shirt. I seriously almost shat my pants when this guy stepped up to me. I thought he was going to knock me out. My brother quickly rips this guy off me and pins him down on the ground. My brother is yelling , “stay down stay down”. This guy responds, “yall n*gg@$ strong, ya'll eat beans”. My brother responds, “we sure do eat our beans”. My other brother is yelling saying,” bring it bring it” as he is lifting his shirt up. I think these guys were saying they have guns or something. Great, I'm going to get shot for saying “DAS BOOT!” These guys girlfriends quickly tell them to go as they are outnumbered. We had 5 guys and they had 2. I end up hugging these dudes girlfriend's saying, “hey it's all good”. My other buddy, Earthy A is calming this other guy by restraining him. As we leave the scene, we see these two guys who wanted to fight us, flip over a table, thus starting another fight with some people. Thank you guys for being there because if you weren't there, I would've gotten my @$$ beat.

-I hugged NBA Player Devin Harris in front of Kenadees (a hot club on Milwaukee Street).

-Danced with my shirt off at Dicks (no its not a gay club, only on Friday).

-Played swords with my friend and peeing all over the bathroom. He saw that I was doing this, so he picked up my penis like picking a berry off a bush and pointed it towards the toilet.

-I stole 2 bags of chips at Jimmy Johns at 3am in the morning. I had one bag of chips hidden in my shirt and the other bag of chips I gave to my friends. The manager saw that we were eating chips and knew we didn't pay for them. So, I ended up buying the bag of chips. Basically, I bought one and got one free.

-Going to the Casino after bar time and winning $50 playing Black Jack I put the cut card of Blackjack in my mouth. I'm pretty sure they should've kicked me out before I got there.

-Getting home at 3:30am and talking to my brother while he was pooping. I guess I tried holding his hand. He pleaded for me to leave. So I did and passed out.

This is what I remember from the night. If you were there and would like to add comments please do so. I'm sure the general public would like to know.