Bloggy Smloggy 34

Intro

Who declines a full time salaried job with benefits in a recession? This guy. Why? Because I'm different. Maybe I don't want to play by the rules or the “book”. Maybe I want to discover life and it's challenges. Maybe it's because I'm not you. Maybe its because I need a change, a challenge. Maybe, I want to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I want experience. Maybe, there is a lot of mabyes. I made a decision and now I got to stick with it. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was right. But I have to live with that decision. In the end it's my life.

Fish Oils

I bought some Fish Oil pills with Omega 3s. It's all the rage now. Apparently, it promotes a healthy heart. If I can buy 120 pills for $3.99 that promotes a healthy heart then so be it. I'm just trying to love again. I don't understand how these fish oil supplements work with the ingredients; sardines, anchovies, sprat, clupea, salmon, and soy. What the hell is sprat? Does that sound healthy? You ever look at a sardines and anchovies? And ponder to yourself, “Wow those look healthy and delicious”. No, those are gross, but anyways, will see if my heart gets healthy and if I will start to love again.

All You Can Eat Wings

I went to Quaker Steak & Lube, its a wing joint, and they have all you can eat wings on Tuesday nights for $10.99. I went through 25 wings before I had to tap out. I had probably 10 different sauced wings. I was preparing myself for some “wing sh*ts” the next day. I hammered at two softcore poops. I mean it wasn't like knives were coming out my @$$hole or anything. It was pretty tame. I think I've finally built an butt immunity. My butt can take it, it can take anything. Just give it to me. I like it spicy and juicy.

Babies are Its

I call babies “its” and people always are dumbfounded. I'm like it's an “it”. A baby is an it. They can't talk, they drool, they can't walk, and they cry. What the hell do you think I'm going to call a baby, a baby? Nah man, skip that, babies are it's. For example, I'll say to a mother, “I don't know how to hold it”,“Look at it cry”, “is that a he it or a she it”. Your an it, it.

Gym Talk/ Locker Room

Ahh.... to be one of the guys. The commardarerie of the locker room. Where guys can be guys. Fart. Burp. Talk Sh*t. That's what the locker room is all about. After a nice sweaty workout, this is our safe zone. This where some of the deepest life conversations go on, where problems are solved, and just plain ole man gossip. I like the locker room for the “gag” aspect, in where one can joke around and joke around homo sexually. Here are some “gags” I pulled off, while I was at my brother's local gym in Chicago.

-Going into my brother's shower stall and asking him, “Hey, is this shower being used?” while I stare at him naked opening my towel.

-Then taking the next shower stall beside him and saying, “Hey brother! Can you see my pee stream?” (as I peed into his shower stall).

-Then are other buddy was in the next stall, so I would slip my foot onto his foot and play footsies.

-Finally, as we were all showered up, I was the last to get out. I went to my brother while he was changing in the locker room and awarkdly asked him, “Hey are you the guy from Craiglist's who I'm supposed to meet at locker 96 at 5:30 today?” We all kinda chuckled but were wondering what the guys were thinking in the rows near us.

My Wonderful Weekend

Friday August 26^th, 2011

Chicago House Party

Went to my brother's house for a multiple birthday party. It was a very diverse/mix of people from hipsters, dee jays, gays, hip hop heads, people from Africa, chulos, pot heads, drug users, ya know the whole 9 yards. I don't get that term the “ whole 9 yards”. Shouldn't it be the “whole 10 yards”, that would make more sensee. There was an ecclectic mix of people, I enjoyed it immensly. There wasn't any chachy douche bags there. Here are some highlights of the gathering. I never made it out to the bar.

-The night started early around 7ish as I drank vodka and energy drink called “Canadian Beaver Buzz” in the kitchen of my brother's apartment. This energy drink was called Canadian Beaver Buzz and its slogan was “dam good”. We also did shots of vodka and scotch. This is all before 9pm as I had several shots.

-I remember playing with a Samuari Sword. We decided to hide this, as we knew this was not going to be a good idea.

-Putting on a girl's summer dress and making a thong out of my underwear, then bending over in front of people.

-My brother beating me up and putting me in a chokehold, thus me waking up the next morning and the next 3 days unable to move my neck. I probably should have went to the doctor but did I? No. My benefits and insurance just ran out today. Why didn't I go earlier? I don't know. Stop asking me questions.

-Bringing the “boop” back, where you touch a girl's nose with your finger and say “boop”! Most girls get creeped out when I do this. You should see a guy's reaction when I do this.

-Grabbing a girl's butt in front of her boyfriend saying, “hey I'm grabbing your girlfriend's @ss”.

-Banging my head into the wall saying, “I'm stupid stupid stupid”. I'm not sure if I was about my job or just how dumb drunk I got.

Overall, I haven't blacked out this like in a long time. Vodka is bad. Vodka is a evil spirit (pun intended).

Censored Swearing

Have you noticed that I don't swear in my blogs (or at least spell it out)? For example, when I saw butt in my blog, I spell it @$$. Or I spell the S word, $h*t. Or when I say the f word, I spell it f*ck. I really don't swear in real life, so why should I swear in this blog. This is a PG-18 blog, let's keep it nice and censored. I like how I can't spell swear words like the f word, s word, or b word but I'll say cunt, pussy, and clit. Ya know, hyprocrisy. What evs with a capital W.

What my buddy Nip's had for dinner on August 31, 2011.

Big Mac with no onions, large french fries, and a McDouble with no ketchup.  

Twos.......