Bloggy Smloggy 40

Intro

So, I only got diarrhea once in Europe while on vacation. Yes, just once in a one month span. To me, this is a victory. A victory for humanity. More importantly, a victory for America. Yet, it takes only 3 days, that I'm back in Milwaukee, and my body starts regurgitating die to rhee to the ah.. Seriously, what's in the air here? What's in the water? What the hell am I'm eating? You know how magazines rate cities by the health, cleanliness, family orientated, and what city is the richest? Well, im declaring that Milwaukee is the diarrhea capital of the USA. There are more cases of diarrhea in Milwaukee than in other city per capita. I'm sure I account for most of cases out there. I might go as far as it's the diarrhea capital of the world. How about that for the tag line for the city? “Milwaukee, it's the Diarrhea Capital of the World”. Slap that saying on a t shirt and I'll buy it. Tourism would sky rocket. Think about it, people love sick twisted sh*t.

Random Thought

I have developed a new alter ego. He is a medieval knight that can't control his amount of seamen. His name is Sir ComesAlot from CameAlot. He is born from the great King SkeetOnMe.

F Forrest Gump

“Momma always said Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get”. You couldn't be any wronger Forest Gump. Of course you know what your going to get. Your going to get a box of chocolates. That was the dumbest movie quote in the history of mankind. I'm actually making my own version of Forest Gump and call it Forrest Dump. It will be based on a true story of my life when I took a dump in the Forest (forest meaning a disc golf course).

My Dream Wedding

I have often thought about the day I get married. It won't be her day, it will be his day aka my day. I want to have a Hall & Oates cover band to play all night. I want jesters to blow trumpets when I arrive and yell “ye olde” phrases. “Here ye Here ye, all rise for his lordship”. I don't want one Earth, Wind, & Fire song to play. Were not playing “Celebration”, “YMCA”, or doing the shuffle. I'm going to have a beer bong as the centerpiece at each table. I'm going to have no bridesmaids or groomsmen. I'm going to have a t shirt cannon shooting free t shirts. Everyone loves free t shirts, don't they.

Couples

I like the term, “there the hottest new item out there”, that the media uses to describe celebrity couples. I often say that about my friends who date. Like, for example, “did you see Joe Blow and Sally Sue at Burger King, canoodling, and feeding each other french fries.” “Yeah, there the hottest item in Milwaukee right now, they seem so in love, there all over each other”. Skip that. Couples are so arrogant, you know? They always try to show other couples up and out flirt or out love each other. Get a room!!!! Then you have the typical cliché snide comment that each other make towards each other. For instance, the girl in the relationship makes comments like, “yep he's mine”, “i can't get him to do anything for me”, or “this what is signed up for” very sarcastically. Then the guys always says, “that's the boss, got to ask the boss” or “that's the ole ball n chain”. Grow a set, fellas.

New Slang Word

Schnitzel

What's up my Schnitzel? Fo Schnitzel My Schnitzel. Schnitzel What!

Pulling Numbers is so 2000 and late

It's a pretty standard procedure to go out and “pull a number” at a local watering hole from a skanky skeez, right? Well, I was out one night and my buddy was talking to a girl all night. I asked him if he pulled her number. He said, “no”. I was confused because he was talking to this girl all night long. It was like he was going to work, he punched in then punched out. He put a full 8 hour day in. We actually left the club and he went back to get her number. So, in a sense, he was putting in overtime. He goes back in the bar, finds her, and comes back 10 minutes later. I ask him, “so, did you get it?” He says, “No, I got something better. I got her coordinates. She gave me her address”. I'm confused, so I ask, “you got her coordinates in longitude and latitude, what's going on?” It was the first time I've heard someone say they've pulled coordinates and not a number. I guess that's what's hot in the streets. Skip the digits, go for the location.

Middle of Nowhere

What's up with people who drive and say, “were lost, were in the middle of nowhere”. How do you know where the middle of nowhere is? How do you know your not in the northern area of nowhere? Or the west side of nowhere? Ya know? If you drove to the middle of nowhere, then you must'veDemtri Martin would say)

My Wonderful Weekend

Friday November 4, 2011

Polish Vodka Tasting

Went to the Polish Center of Wisconsin to sample vodka, food, and watch traditional Polish dancing. I sampled many different vodkas from orange, citrus, grapefruit, potato, rye, wild berry, caramel, vanilla , wheat, bison grass, raspberry, and Krupnik (which tasted like honey). I did not know these vodkas existed. I was so used to Gordons and Fleischmann's (as my buddy Henze puts it, gut rot vodka). These vodkas didn't even make me squirm or make a funny face. I believe we were the youngest people there. In the words of my old man, who was a fond drinker of vodka, “vodka is vodka”.

Saturday November 5, 2011

Potowatomi Comedy Show, Rumpus Room, & Dicks

I attended a free comedy show with friends and family at Potowatomi. It's a great way to see up and coming acts and get some laughs. We saw some real “knee slappers”. One of the comedians singled our group out, since we were the youngest group there. He pointed to me and asked me my name and used me as a reference point the whole night. He would say, “look at you with your stylish hair”. I've never styled my hair in whole life. He basically was giving tips on what to do when your older. His name was Dean Napolotino (funny guy). Then, I played video blackjack and doubled my $ (aka won $5). The casino is a very dark creepy place. You watch people lose money that shouldn't be. I guess if you want to feel better about your life, go to the casino and watch all the scum lose their money, and think “at least I'm not that guy”. Maybe, I could be wrong, and all these people we think shouldn't be there, are rich and dress like low lifes to fit that part.

Whatever, it was off to the Rumpus Room (no not a strip club). But, a new trendy “gastro pub” that serves fine English food in a dimly lit atmosphere. Highly recommend it if you got $$ to shell out. I accidentally ate the toothpick in my sandwich while in front of the waiter. He apologized but I reiterated, “it was my stupid mouth that ate the darn thing”. Then it was off to Dicks for a pitcher of Blue Moon. It's fun to people watch when your sober. You have the ability to analyze all these people dressed up and make of them. It's great if your cynical. So, it was a typical laid back night for a new laid back me.

Twos.....