What A Jerk (Short True Story)

                                                               What a Jerk This Guy Was

                                                                     A True Short Story

      What I thought would be a routine trip to the grocery one morning turned into witnessing a tragic moment that may change my life forever. I'm a proponent some say an advocate of pooping in public restrooms. I have no qualms about it and never had a problem. You build your toilet paper nest and take a seat and go to town. Or if your a girl you can hover as if you were a bird flying over a pond dropping turds from the sky. I immediately go to the bathroom because I need my morning movement for the day. I start my day off right by dropping the deuce. I realize I'm doing it backwards. I should defecate after I go grocery shopping because now I'm going to have fecal matter all over my food products. I know that I can wash my hands after I poop but I was just literally wiping my @ss for 10 minutes. Do you think I want to pick pears from the fruit isle, get a head of fresh iceberg lettuce from produce, or scoop some chocolate covered raisins with my @ss wiping hand? The answer is NO! I don't care how much soap you use, it's the thought of my hand near my @sshole for for a long duration of time.

Anyways, this particular grocery store is clean so when I build my nest, I only use one layer. I don't build nests like I used to. Remember the 90s when hot pockets, tombstone pizza, and tina's burritos were all the rage. You had to build a 5 layer nest to sh*t in those toilets. That food will give the runs lets be honest here. Being that this grocery store was in a nice area, clean bathrooms, and friendly staff, I chose to build a quick 1 layer 2 ply tp nest.

     

      Let's get to the point. My poop is going great. I can't have a better poop. Everything is right on time. There are no hiccups in this poop. I'm texting my friends I haven't heard in awhile, thinking about what I'm going do today, and what I'm going to have for breakfast. Just doing the normal stuff we as humans do on the crapper which is poop and think. But I hear a little something from the other stall which makes me think “what the hell is going on over there?” I don't pay attention that much because I am so in engulfed in what I got going on in my toilet that I block it out. I can't seem to ignore the constant huffing and puffing in short breath intervals. I think “oh great this guy is jerking off”. Yet, I don't want to assume this guy is jerking off you know? It's not the first thing I want my mind to jump to while making an assumption about the guy next to me in a public restroom stall? At this point I try to suppress my mind of him jacking off but then I hear him speak. He utters the words, “sorry for all the racket...I just got the morning blues”. I respond, “don't worry about it”.

      

      At this point I assume he is having a real hard time taking a sh*t. We have all been there when it's a process to push one out and to no avail. So, I give the guy the benefit of the doubt in which in hindsight I probably shouldn't have. Again, I hear a couple of groans and the classic jerk off sound that every guy knows about. The classic short slapping sound of your clothes rubbing together as your hand is vigorously peeling one off. I'm in denial at this moment in time. I still didn't want to believe that this guy is the notorious nutter. Then in a very depressing voice I hear the man state, “you got to do it somewhere. when your not getting any at home”. F*ck!!! My life became still. It was confirmed that this man was indeed jacking off in the stall next to me. I don't know why but I responded with “you got to do what you got to do”. There was no time to think about a clever response. What if I ignored him? What if I scolded him? For whom, am I to Judge? Would have this angered this man? I didn't want to anger him. You don't anger a man with a loaded gun... never. This guy essentially came to the sound of my voice. It was around 8:00am at this time. That's too early to have a guy cumming to my sultry smooth voice. Man.........This guy was in mid jack off while trying to hold a conversation about how he was jacking off next to me. This is not the way to start the day off right.

    

      I immediately scrambled my fidgety hands for the toilet paper to wipe and go. I assumed he heard me trying to leave and wanted to beat me out of there (no pun intended). I believe he wanted to leave before I left so I wouldn't tell on him. I was cornered though, there was no way to escape so I decided to hold down the fortress. Also, I couldn't have hopped off the toilet during mid poop and have a load of dingle berries in my underwear. I didn't want to walk around the grocery store with an itchy @ss. I needed some god@mn eggs! I changed my stance there was no way I was leaving until that guy left. I assumed he blew his load during our conversation as I heard him pant and groan some more. I didn't want to think or hear about it. The damage was done. He had won the wank off war and I was a victim of this man's debauchery .

   

     After he brought himself to completion, he flushed the toilet and made his way out. He didn't try holding a conversation anymore as he had used me. He metaphorically “hit it and quit it”. I would like to think he was embarrassed at this moment but this guy was a professional. Professional Jacks like him have no morals. They don't fall in love with their victims. Anyways, I didn't want to look through the door crack to put a face to the perpetrator. I peered through a little just to catch a glimpse of a badger red sweatshirt as he walked by my stall. At this point I listened to see if he washed his hands or if he was just going to flee the bathroom for a quick getaway. I heard him wash his hands and leave. I stayed in the bathroom stall to lament on what the f*ck just happened? I felt gross, ashamed, and dirty. I had a lot of thoughts going through my head at this time. At first I thought it was my fault. I was asking for it by wearing my high shorts and crocs. This guy took my manhood, dignity, and integrity only to throw it all away. I felt like this guy wanted me to jerk him off. I felt like he wanted to cum on me. Thank god there was no glory hole. It didn't matter if there was no glory hole, I was within feet of catching cum on my crocs. Who knows where this dude came? We don't need people like this in society. You could say this guy was a real jerk!

   

     I finally got the courage to get up off the toilet seat. More thoughts invaded my head as I thought grocery store workers were going to blame me for jerking off. I had to wipe quick and get off the toilet seat so I wouldn't appear to be the sticky bandit. I slowly opened the door and it was clear. No one was in the bathroom. I felt disgusted because this bathroom was full of depressed middle aged cum hand or hands (not sure if he used both hands). I had to pick a sink to use. Which sink did the cum bandit use? The right sink with no soap in it or the left sink with all the soap suds in it. I assumed this public puller was a responsible masturbator, so I figured he washed his hands in the left sink with all the soap suds in it. I went for the right sink to wash my hands. For a second, I thought it was a trap but I concurred “a lil man juice never hurt anyone”. Lastly, there was the inevitable door handle to leave the bathroom. My heart skipped a beat for a minute as I stared down the door handle. I imagined all the seamen hands that have touched that man handle. Now I know why so many guys use the paper towel trick to open the door.

   

     I left the bathroom into the grocery store reflecting on what just happened. Do I tell customer service that a guy in red was talking to me and jacking off at that same time in the bathroom while I was taking a poop? I couldn't concentrate, my body was numb, my senses were off. Why God? Why did you let me hear this? Was this a sign? Did I miss the lesson you were trying to teach God? Is the lesson not to jerk off in public because I don't do that God. I would never do that God. I have a computer for that kind of stuff and I'm sure that guy has a computer too. I don't care if the guy was not getting any sex at home. Don't f*cking go to the grocery store public restroom to peel one off then talk about peeling one off while I'm in the next stall. There are plenty of places to rub one off in your house. Maybe you should try to woo your wife a little better than telling me ( a guy you have never met) about you jerking off in public. Godd@mnt, maybe I should stop using god*mnt. Maybe that was the life lesson. Either way bring on the tally whacker therapy and cum counseling because I'm a trauma victim who needs help.

Thank you for reading. I feel a lot better now.

14 Hours From Unemployment # 1

“14 Hours from Unemployment” # 1

Intro

This blog is a spinoff of the ever so depressingly popular My Life Unemployed series that lasted 13 posts. The writers of Life Unemployed had to take a good look at our direction and reevaluate our motive. We realized that we hit our prime sadness and wanted to go out on top of the bottom. We don't want to end up like Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, or any other band that was good for 10 years then continued to make music into their elder years. We are not reinventing the wheel around here at American Wet Dream Industries... simply we are rebranding. Also, changes to my employment has made it mandatory that we change the name of our blog. If we didn't, we would be fraudulent and guilty of false advertisement. The origin of the name comes from that I'm literally 14 hours away from unemployment. As of this posting I will be working at 2 non profit jobs that total 14 hours combined a week, hence the name 14 Hours From Being Unemployed. So.. moving forward we will have our classic segments of the blog that our readers have ranted and raved about. Not only will we have our classic segments but we are excited to be adding multimedia. The future is here! We now have the technology and knowledge to add jpegs, gifs, and other forms of media.

Name Ideas for New Blog that Got Rejected By Our Staff (Aka Me)

-14 hours from Being a Nobody

-Deadbeat Diary

-I'm a loser baby so why don't you read me (to the hum of that Beck song)

-Life Hate Me

-God, Can you love me again?

-What did I do to deserve this?

-I'm a Boy in a Man's Body

-Sad Bananas

-Insert Clever Blog Name Here

-I Almost Qualify for an Unemployment Check

-I should've voted for Romney

I Try to Buy Pants

   My first day as a “happily” part time employed man I do what anyone else does when they get a part time job..... go shopping!!!! I don't go to the mall to shop for over priced clothes... I go to places like TJ Maxx, Burlington Coat Factory, and Goodwill. I thought I would try my hand at being a Maxxinista so I went to TJ Maxx. A Maxxinista, as defined by the Urban Dictionary, a person who shops a the discount designer department store TJ Maxx. One who finds unique and original designer items at discount prices.

   I needed a pair of athletic pants since my job is primarily working in coaching youth sports. I'm very particular when it comes to athletic pants. I don't want sweat pants because it will make me look like a homeless hobo (double negative.. I know). I also don't want those loud pesky wind pants that feel like your wearing a garbage bag for pants. Finally, I don't want those thin silky athletic pants that give you a boner every time you walk briskly. So with that being said it's tough to find a good pair of athletic pants for me. It doesn't help that I have large T Rex thighs and carnivorous calves that look like those of a rhino.

   I walked through the door of TJ Maxx and made a quick dash to the clearance rack. Unfortunately, there were no athletic pants at the clearance rack. It must be athletic season. So.. I went to the Menswear Athletic section to find a few racks of men's athletic pants. To my dismay these pants were in the range of $25 (and this was after the markdown). Can you believe some of these athletic pants were originally marked at 40 to 55 dollars? I was shocked to find athletic pants to be this much when we all know that everyone looks a dork in the future in athletic pants.

  I perused the large pants section of the athletic pants rack and found not one but 2 pairs of basic black pants for $15 each. I thought this was a steal! This is my price range! I wanted to try them out to see how they looked in my bottom heavy body. Who knows they could turn out to be skinny athletic pants? I bet they would make skinny athletic pants. I make my way to the dressing room and get my dressing room number from the dressing room attendant lady. She gives me a plastic card with the # 2 since I'll be trying on 2 items of clothing. That's dressing room 101 etiquette folks. I put my pants on the hanger hook and undress my pants. I'm very excited at this point as I'm getting this awesome deal on athletic pants for cheap. Something seems odd though. They seem awfully small as if I could fit only one of my monsterous legs into the whole pant. I look a little closer at the tag and its says boys size 14/16. “God@mnt”, I mutter under my breath several times as I'm not a happy camper. I put the gd pants back on the d@mn hanger and slowly walk out to the attendant. Great.. now the attendant thinks I like to sniff and try on boys pants. I bet she thinks I have boys pants fetish. So.. I knew if I didn't say anything she would realize I was a creep. So the first thing I say in a puzzled look, “i guess these are boys pants?” She looks at the tag and replies, “they sure are”. My buyer confidence is crushed. She explains to me where the men's section is as if I'm a blind man who doesn't know how to read. She simplifies the directions as if I was a boy who bought men's pants. Your wrong lady! I'm a man trying to buy boy pants! I don't go back to look for new pants... instead I hang my head low and walk out to the dejection of me trying to buy pants.

Jobs Applied For

Hunger Task Force – Development Department Assistant

Dude... I would love to get this job because it involves food. This job would be primarily in maintaining and developing donor relationships with companies to set up food drives. Man... I would set up the bins and marketing supplies at companies to get food for the poor. I would totes take all the good food out of the bin. This jobs is a gold mine of free food!!!!!

Center for Veterans Issues- Job Developer/Placement Specialist

If I got this job I would help veterans in obtaining a job. Shoot... if I got this job I would place my @$$ in a job. You know? I would give myself a job if I had that job. I would be a Job Developer in that I would develop my own job then be a Placement Specialist by placing my special self in that job. Done deal.

My Life Unemployed #13

My Life Unemployed #13

Intro/All Bad Things Come to a End

Hi... How are you?.... Doing good? That's good... Good to hear... Thank you to all that read about my adventures or misadventures during my life unemployed. Thank you for joining my misery in my quest for a job, career, or whatever the hell you want to call it. Unfortunately all bad things have to come to end. The usual saying is all good things come to end but in my case nothing was good so thus insertion of bad. I will be returning to work ,unfortunately part time work that is. I will be working at 2 jobs totaling a whopping 14 hours a week! I know take a deep breath and soak it all in. Even more depressing news is that I will be returning to a job that a college aged student would have. I even cut my hair into a mohawk to look like a younger “dude”, so people won't judge “the old guy” working “the young job”. People often ask me, “If I'm in school?” or “I have a kid your age”. I usually play along so as to not offend them (even though they think I'm a teenager in college). Let's stop tickling around here and get at it.

Jobs Applied for

Packerland Rent a Mat- Route Service Representative

I threw in the towel on this one. I was feeling very unskilled, unmotivated, and useless when I applied for this job. I felt like I've stepped on all my life so why not be the guy who supplies fresh clean floor mats that people will step on. It's not me they are stepping on anymore.. it's the mats! I want to be the floor mat guy! Let's take a negative and make it a positive. This job would entail me driving a medium duty truck to assigned routes to customers. Then I would exchange floor mats and/or laundry products within my customer's facilities. The perks would be that I work by myself, get exercise, and be outdoors for a bit (and when I say outdoors I mean walking from the van to the location to get the mat).

Here is a link to their website if you would like to see more of what they do.

http://www.packerland.net

Americorps Vista- Youth Development Program

If got this job I would be considered a full time volunteer and receive a stipend of $946 a month for one year. This position is providing skills and programs to low income families to prepare them for college. I found this a great opportunity because I would teach all these kids to not graduate with a god@mn useless History degree like I did. I would say, “Don't be like me or else you will be writing a weekly blog about your miseries and making everyone around you depressed”. Real talk... this would be a great way to give back and make an impact.

Outro

This may be my last My Life Unemployed blog. I would like to thank all the writers who helped in making this blog a reality. You give me the inspiration, desire, and motivation to keep making this dream a reality. I would like to thank my family for supporting me in these tough times. Most of all.. I would like to thank my fans. You guys have been great. You make life unemployed that much greater. You know who you are. Keep on shining! Okay... enough of that... that was my attempt at being sentimental. Even though this is the end of Life Unemployed.. the party has just begun you dumb f*cks!

Coming Soon...

14 Hours From Unemployment 

My Life Unemployed #12 (Road Trip)

My Life Unemployed # 12 (30 Hour Road Trip)

Intro/3 Boys and a Buick

It took only 2 days from being back from a 12 day vacation that I decide to take a 30 hour road trip from Milwaukee to Phoenix. Well... it's not as random as it seems. My twin brother is moving in with his girlfriend so he has this grand idea of driving down there. I thought I would help my brother drive to Phoenix since he doesn't have car insurance (because I do). Also, my younger brother was going to help him drive, but he doesn't have a valid driver's license. Being that I have no job..I thought.. why not help these idiots? What's the worst that can happen when the car you bought two days ago for $500 is a 1990 Buick? So, between the 3 of us we had 2 valid drivers licenses, little to no knowledge of cars, and car insurance for a Toyota Camry (thus nullifying the car insurance). Like I said, “What's the worst that can happen?”

Car Background: 1990 Buick

For being such a sh*tty car, I must say it was very comfortable despite having it packed Beverly Hillbilly style. The outside of the car looked like I was it sitting in a scrap yard rusting away for 10 years . The speedometer fluctuated as it worked when it wanted it to. Luckily, we had a GPS system that told us how fast we were going. The speedometer only went up to 85mph, yet we got the Buick up to 94mph. Probably not a good idea but who cares, I'm here aren’t I. The odometer was funky too. Not sure if it worked but I didn't care not my car. You don't really need that unless your selling the car for resale value.

Another car mishap was that the driver side window did not stay up. We needed to buy a needle nose pliers to “roll up” the window. We had to stuff it with paper to keep it from falling down randomly. Other than that the car was in great shape despite that the check engine light was on for 90% of the trip. We also got nervous when the car stalled at a stop light. I believe we were very luckily as we drove this car over 1200 miles without having a major problem. I forgot to mention that the A/C did not work either, so it made for a warm, sweaty, and moist car ride.

We filled up the gas tank probably 6-7 times. Every time we filled up the gas tank it smelled like gas. We finally realized on the last fill up that the tank was leaking gas when filled to the top. We drove away each gas station leaving a trail of gasoline without knowing it. We don't know sh*t about cars. God were stupid when it comes to cars. I can't believe the car didn't blow up.

Time Line

Tuesday September 3^rd (Milwaukee, Chicago)

6:00pm-Depart My Moms House. Car is Packed with Clothes, Kitchen Ware, & More Clothes

6:10pm-Arrive at Potowatomi Casino. I win $30. Get $50 worth of free food from Casino Restaurant

7:00pm-Leave Milwaukee

8:30pm-Arrive in Chicago to pick up brother. Eat Dinner & Chill Out

9:45pm-Leave Chicago

11:00pm- Check Engine Light goes off and on every 15 minutes

Wednesday September 4 (Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico)

2:00am- In Missouri somewhere at a seedy Grocery Store. Buy needle nose pliers to put up window. See an elderly woman shopping this late. Also see a trashy guy buying flowers. Who needs flowers this late?

6:00am- Get Lost in Kansas City. Dumb GPS is being dumb. We drive through city.

9:30am- Stop in Small Town in Kansas and Eat at a Local Restaurant ran by Amish People. Eat A lot of pastries.

11:00am- Drive Thru Boring Kansas. Go through the not so Great Plains.

12:00pm- Check Engine Light is on permanently. We put oil in oil tank but light is still on.

1:30pm- Go Through Panhandle of Oklahoma. Looks like a dump.

2:30pm- Get to Texas. Looks even more like a dump than Oklahoma.

3:30pm- Eat at BBQ joint in Small Town of Texas. I'm scared of all the old white republicans.

6:30pm- Stop at Casino because it's just off freeway. We say, “lets stay for an hour” but we gamble for 3 hours playing Blackjack.

12:00am- Book a Hotel because it's too late to drive. We pay for hotel with money we won. Take showers and get a good night's rest. 6 more hours to drive!

Thursday September 5^th (New Mexico, Arizona)

11:45am-Leave Hotel, My brother gambles more (wins $50) and I eat breakfast.

1:00pm-Arrive in Arizona. We realize gas is leaking from gas tank. Drive away gas station quickly

3:00pm- Deadly hot heat in AZ with no working A/C.

4:00pm- I end up getting naked in back of car. Doesn't help.

Arrive

PHX Thursday September 5^th 5:15pm

We somehow dodged all toll roads on our road trip. Maybe they don't have toll roads on the way from MKE to PHX. Then we realized that our GPS was routed to avoid major highways and toll roads. This made perfect sense as it seemed like we were on the back roads for the whole trip. I felt like I was near a farm every 15 minutes. It was the most un scenic trip I ever took.

That is the trip. It will be forever remembered as “the Buick that could”. Let this trip be a reminder that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I needed this trip. If a beat up 1990 Buick can get to Milwaukee to Phoenix then a broken man down on his luck (me) should be able to get a full time job.

My Life Unemployed #11

Intro 

Oh what the hey... I'm getting desperate.  I applied to be a Girl Scout (not literally).  I should just become a girl scout though.  It's probably more lucrative than what I'm doing now.  I'd slang some girl scouts cookies.  I think that's sexist though.  Why don't the boy scouts make girl scout cookies?  Meaning.. why don't boys have boy scout cookies?  Does society think that boys can't bake and girls should be Betty Crocker?  Well, that's partly right but not at all.  My brother is a chef although he is a man.  Maybe... I'll invent Man Scout Cookies instead of Boy Scout Cookies.

Job Applied For

Girls Scouts of America- Volunteer Development Manager

Here is the actual cover letter I wrote to be the Girl Scouts of America's Volunteer Development Manager.

Cover Letter

To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter to show my interest in beginning my career at the Girl Scouts of Wisconsin Southeast as the Volunteer Development Manager. I currently, and have worked in the non profit sector for 7 years at various organizations. I have worked in different neighborhoods in the Milwaukee area with a diverse group of children and parents.

I believe my past experiences at the YMCA and Boys & Girls Clubs have been very rewarding, and I would like to continue in making an impact through the Girl Scouts as the Volunteer Development Manager. As the YMCA Teen & Sports Manager and Play in the Parks Coordinator, I've coordinated all aspects of volunteering to on boarding, recruiting, and training volunteers. At the Boys & Girls Clubs of Milwaukee as the Sport, Fitness, & Recreation Coordinator, I have worked directly with motivating at risk youth from ages 4-18 in education, fitness, and a healthy lifestyle. These past experiences have given me a greater knowledge of working with a diverse group of children and in volunteerism.

In addition to my past experiences, I can offer your company a team player with a great work ethic, a positive attitude that creates an enjoyable working atmosphere, and passion for helping those who need help most.

My personal skills demonstrate what I have done in the past and can do in the future for you. I would like to schedule an interview at your convenience, so that we might discuss this matter further. I appreciate your consideration and look forward to meeting with you.

Sincerely,

**** *******

Analysis of Applying for this Job

I'm not sure if this is creepy or okay. We are “supposedly” living in a politically correct world yet I felt very vile and disgusted as I clicked the send button when I applied for this job. I don't know if I felt weird because of me or if society has made me feel this way? I wonder if any dudes work here or if it's all chicks? Anyways, the only reason I applied for this job is because I'm hoping for a life time supply of girl scout cookies. Man.... those are good! F*ck it!.... just give me a discount. I'd sell discount girl scout cookies on the down low. “Gimmie some caramel delites, thin mints... I'll eat all them cookies up. Man I'll eat some girl scout cookies fo sho!” Actually, I read the food labels on girl scout cookies. Geez.... those cookies are horrible! They are laced with food additives, preservatives, and sugar. Girl Scouts of America? More like Fat Girl Scouts of America. The only thing these girls are scouting for are for some more cookies.  You fat f*cks with your  Godd*mn cookies! What the f*ck does selling these cookies teach these girls? It teaches them to be drug dealers. It teaches them to be drug kingpins by selling sh*t that's addictive as f*ck but is no good for the community. F*ck the girl scouts and there f*cking cookies!

Have a nice day.

My Life Unemployed 10

My Life Unemployed #10

Intro

Hooray! Hooray! It's Life Unemployed #10! It is also Labor Day ironically. Funny how I'm not employed during Labor Day. Maybe I should be sobbing and not celebrating that fact that it's my 10th blog about being unemployed. Here are some Fun Facts (well there not really fun facts) about my Job Search. I shall call them Sad Facts instead. Here is a look at my life by the numbers.

Sad Facts

Days Unemployed: 38

Business Days Unemployed: 25

Jobs Applied for: 10

Cover Letters Written: 9

Interviews: 3

Hours I Searched for Jobs: N/A

Days on Vacation: 12 days

Business Days on Vacation: 8 days

Statistical Job Analysis

I have applied for 10 jobs and have had 3 interviews. Statistically speaking, I have 30% chance of getting an interview for every 10 jobs I apply for. That's a low percentage yet has a lot of potential to grow.

I have had 3 interviews all with non profit companies. I have had no job offers after these interviews. So, as it stands I'm 0 for 3 with job offers after interviews. As of now, I have a 0% chance of getting a job after the interviews. These are the plain facts. Numbers don't lie.

Lets take a deeper look in the numbers. I have been unemployed for 25 business days and have been on vacation for 8 business days. I have been on vacation for nearly a quarter (25%) of my unemployment. My first strategy will be implementing a "No Vacation Policy" effective immediately thus having more time to dedicate to the job search.

Overall, I have applied for 10 jobs in 25 business days. This comes out to 1 job application per 2.5 days. This includes writing a cover letter as well. The data shows that I need to be applying to at least 1 job per day. If I apply to 1 job per 5 business days I should be able to get 1 interview per week. The data also suggests that for every interview I get I have a 0% chance of getting the job. In conclusion, I'm a failure with a 0% chance of succeeding. I have the data to back it up. It's all right here. Ball don't lie.

Conclusion

In looking at the data and speaking in terms of the quantitative theory; we need to look at the variables, predicted factors, and the correlation of the values to support my 0% theory on never getting a job. We can conclude that I have a 0% chance of getting a non profit job (since those are the jobs I have most applied for). I could propose an alternate hypothesis in that I would have a higher percentage of a job offer if I applied for a job in different sector. However that theory is quickly eradicated by the fact that I only have non profit experience. It's nullified and will have great consequences in the ratio of percentages. It's a preposterous assumption that will negatively affect the outcome of my self esteem, life, and motivation. It's a model that can not be continued or my life as we know it may not exist.