Bloggy Smloggy 22

Intro

It looks like the beginning of summer is here.  You know what that means 'scantily clad dressed woman' who are not scantily clad.  Yeah! Rejoice!  Tis the season of cleaving and beaving aka boobs and camel toes.  And doesn't everyone love bare back exposure.  Alrighty then....  

Cream Jeans

I know Lonely Island did that video called “jizz in my pants” which I think I may have been the founder of that. But I've come up with something different than saying jizz in your pants. The new term of busting a nut while dancing with a girl will be called “cream jeans”. For example, tonight I'm going to hit the dance floor and put on my pair of cream jeans and just cream away. I can't wait til next weekend when I hit the club and make some cream jeans.

Like Momma Always said

“if you can't afford it, abort it”

My mom has never said something like that but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be a grandma right now. I'm just saying, it'll probably make her feel old. I don't want to make my mom feel old. Mission Aborted

A Moment of Reflection

I'm turning 29 on June 11. It's a nude dude birthday! Yippy! It will be my last year in my 20s. I mean this is my last year of youth. My last year of living irresponsibly. My last year of freedom. I won't have excuses anymore. I'll be in my 30s. I'll be a certified old dirty man. When I hit 30, I'm dedicating my life to the American Dream. I want it all. I want stocks, IRAs, 401k. I want 2 kids, a 2 car garage, and a van with a side door that automatically opens. When I turn 30, the American Wet Dream will be an afterthought. It will be the past. Nude Dude will die and the birth of a adult will be spawned.

Butter Face?

Apparently, there is a rumor going around that I'm a butter face. Butterface means everything is good but her face. I'm not sure how, as me, being a dude and all, that I can be a butter face. I think the correct term would be a buthis face. That would make sense. Anyways, I was called a butter face by some gay dudes, not just any gay dudes, but a gang of gay dudes. Gay dudes with tiaras. This was from the same gay clan who threw a drink on me at the end of the night. Rewind 2 weeks ago when we went to Whisky Bar. I guess the guy who threw the drink on me, went by the alter ego “Madonna”. This “Madonna” character had long hair in a ponytail but resembled nothing like the talented artist. I he wanted to put a bag over my head and do me. I guess I looked good from the neck down. Fair enough I've had that fantasy. The ole bag over her face. I mean I would be perfect for a gay dude. Just think how tight I am. I am virgin to gay dudes. I'm as pure and as tight as a Jonas Brother. I guess it's a good thing I'm a butterface to the homosexual race. Hmm... but I wonder??? Do I give it up to Madonna? Skip that, he's got to work this tight lil rear!

I get's mine

After a long day of working a 12 hour stint, I was sick of taking orders and be a little minion of work. No longer did I want to be pawn in this game of life. I was tired. I was weak. In other words, I was sick of doing the grunt work and being a pee on. I have become the b*tch that does the b*tch work. Slaving away. Working for nickels and dimes. It was time now. I struck back with rage at my local grocer, when I decided to swipe a Naked Juice at the self checkout lane. My total bill was $15.00 without the purchase of the Naked Juice. I was irate that a Naked Juice cost $3.50! That would've been 20% of my bill. For an over sugared, over marketed, and over health conscious drink. There was no way in hell I was going to pay for that godd@mn drink and I didn't. I felt like I deserved to steal that Naked Juice. I felt it was owed to me because of the hard work I did that day. I stole that mother f'er and it was the best mother f'ing drink I ever drank! F U Naked Juice! Ps I enjoyed you immensely.

My Wonderful Weekend

Golf Pub Crawl ( 9 Holes Aka 9 Bars)

June 4, 2011

Went on on 9 bar (hole) crawl with about 15 people who were dressed in golf attire. However, I drifted off course and never made it to the last 2 bars. I made my own bar crawl.

Here was the course line up                          Here was my version

Hole 1: Karma                                              Karma- One Pabst for $3                                   no tip

Hole 2: Bar Louie                                         Bar Louie- 20oz Miller Lite for $3.50              50 cents tip

Hole 3: Mcgillcuddy's                                   Coyote Ugly- a $2 High Life                             no tip

Hole 4: Harp                                                 Mcgillcuddys -$4 PBR Tall Boy                        no tip

Hole 5: Molly Cool's                                    Dukes- 2 $1 Miller Lites                                    no tip

Hole 7: Old German Beer Hall                    Go back to Dukes and get 2 more Miller Lites    no tip

Hole 8 : Port of Call                                     Molly Cool”s- Meet a guy named Tim, he buys me Fat Tire

Hole 9: Rock Bottom Brewery                    Old German Beer Hall- Do a shot ski                  no tip

                                                                     Milwaukee Brat House- My buddy buys me a drink

                                                                     Brothers-I get no drink

                                                                     Dukes- I buy a round of 4 beers for $4.                no tip

                                                                     Bad Genie Rock Lounge- I drink water               no tip

Summary

-I ended up tipping a total of 50 cents during the 10+ bars we went to. I spent a total of $18.50 .

-I also ate leftover already eaten chicken wings from a buddy. There's always some leftover chicken on a chicken wing bone. You just got to suck those wings down. I guess they weren't really leftovers. Leftovers are usually food that is not already eaten. I was eating more of the scraps. Something you give to a dog.

-Playing butt quarters at Bar Louie. This game entails shoving a quarter up you butt crack through your pants and walking over to a glass full of beer. Whoever drops the quarter in the glass gets to tell the other person to drink it. I lost the first round and had to drink this beer that was tainted with booty shorts stench. But I came back with a fury and dropped 2 quarters from my quenched butthole into the pilsner glass. I was the butt quarters champion!!!

-Later in the day we met a guy named Tim who bought us drinks. Tim was in his 60s, not only did he buy us drinks but he also bought us chicken wings. I liked Tim. Tim was never married and he is currently retired as he resides in Glendale.

Twos.....

Bloggy Smloggy 21

Intro

I never know what to write here.  It's whatever comes to my mind.  Right now I'm shooting blanks.

What are Seamen Tears?

I wrote “seamen tears” on a note to myself and pondered on what it meant. I'm not sure what “seamen tears” was supposed to mean.  Here are some thoughts of seamen tears could mean.  It could be of a sad man pleasuring himself. Or it could be of a man who found the greatest porn of all time and he was so belated that he started crying. There were of tears of joy, they were seamen tears. Maybe it could mean that everytime you masterbate, your dick is so depressed that you never get laid and instead of cumming, it's really tears that's coming from your penis not seamen. So, there you have it. I explained what seamen tears means. I hope you find this article somewhat useful.

My Wonderful Weekend

Friday Chill Nights with a guy named Stephanie

Friday May 27

Me and my buddy Stephanie go out Friday's and chill drink. Chill drinking is having no more than 4 beers a night. It's that mid range jumper in the game of basketball. This Friday Night took us to Trinity, an Irish bar. We posted up at a table at 10:30 for about 3 hours analyzing the girls that walked passed us to see if they made eye contact. We have a system in place to see if chicks would smile at us, give us a double take, or use any kind of body language to see if they showed interest. We even took in consideration which way there body was facing and their promixty to us. We have developed a very intricate program to see if any chicks were checking us out. It turned out, we were doing the creeping and stalking that night. He ended up talking to a lawyer, a doctor in training, and ended up giving his phone number on a napkin to the waitress. I ended up talking to a girl who had slight moustache. Stephanie has a better mid range jumper than I do apparently. Oh yeah, at the end of the night, we see a couple of acquaintances who buy us three shots (jaeger, ketel one vodka, and a cinnamon toast crunch shot). We end up doing these in 15 minutes before we leave. Oh well, for chill night.

Nude Dude Learns How to Salsa

Saturday May 28

Went to a girl's going away party at The Wherehouse. It's a salsa club. There was a $10 cover but I sneaked my way in. Karma hit me hard later that night as I lost $20. But don't think nude dude was going out like a punk. You know I had that flask tucked away in my sports coat. They had free salsa lessons before the night started, so I learned the basic steps. Who cares about the salsa lessons lets get back to getting drunk. I feel like the better I dress the drunker I can get. I can get 'assuming drunk' when I dress nice because the bouncer will be like, “This guy is not drunk. He's in a sport coat. He has a collard shirt and a nice belt. There is no way this guy didn't pay cover, sneak in a flask, and touch women inapropriatly ”. So I order 2 sodas at $2 a piece and act unassuming drunk. I was given a number that night which was kinda of cool by a 22 year old. It was her birthday, she was with her parents, and it was the first time she said she's ever been out. We danced for about 15 minutes as her parents watched us from a distance. I'm glad I was part of her first bar experience. The night didn't stop there. My friend (a guy named Stephanie) picked me up from the club and we went to Flannery's. Why do I always end up at Irish bars? I knew the bar back (long hair Tony) he hooks me with a rum and coke. I should've asked for a coke, he made it pretty strong. I wasn't pleased with the drink and went to the bathroom and made it even stronger with the rest of the rum in my flask. I get back to the table we were chilling out at and I find a nice little shot waiting for me. Gulp, it's gone, now i'm back to my rum downed drink (think watered down drink). It's dance time! I hit the dance floor and grind with as many chicks as possible. I'm getting boners left and right! I can't keep up with all the boners I'm getting. Thick chicks are backing me up in the 3 point stance. This one chick is making out with me with her tailgate breath consisting of brats, mike hard lemonade, jello shots, and miller lite. It's gross and she eventually diappears. I have had enough of the night. I go home but realize I left my keys at my buddy's house. I have to crawl in my bedroom window. Good night

Origin of Poon Platoon 

I'm not sure if I mentioned the Poon Platoon but if I didn't here it is. The Poon Platoon was established in the Fall of 2010 by a few buddies of mine dedicated to the art of getting laid. The Poon Platoon however, hasn't had a really successful run. One of the members is married, one's does podcasts, and the other is a creeper (me). The Poon Platoon will see it's glory like the pyramids of Egypt and the rise of Rome one day. I've developed some Poon Platoon tips to help my pathetic friends get laid. Here's the Poon Platoon tip of the week from nude dude.

Poon Platoon Tip of the Week

The Old Expired Condom Gag

I always take an expired condom when I go out because if I ever have a one night stand, I can be like, “yeah, I have a condom” but then act surprised it's expired and won't work. Then I'll have to explain to her that we can't use this expired condom because it won't work. I guess I'll just do you with no rubber, woes me.  Works everytime. 

How to Not Pick Up Dog Poop

I never and I mean never, pick up my dog's poop when I take my mom's dog for a walk. He has been dropping fatties all over the eastside. The trick is while your dog is pooping, walk over to said spot, bend down, and look at the ground. Then yell to yourself, “Oh nothing to see here. It looks he didn't go”. Then, quickly make a run for it. Recently, my mom's dog dropped a juicy K9 turd on University of Wisconsin Milwaukee. Good Boy!!!!

Digital Cruster Podcast 8

If you want more filth go to www.digitalcruster.com and upload the new digital cruster podcast 8.  Or you can find it on itunes and become a subscriber.  It's Free Filth what more do you sickos want than free!!!!!   It features Henze Bomb and Naked Guy along with Nik and a interview with Sam Thompson, indie film maker, who once ate cereal out of his chest divot.

Twos.......

Bloggy smloggy 20

Letter From Editor

I'm letting you guys know that i did not edit this one bit.  I usually edit and look for grammatical errors and spell check contrary to popular belief.  But believe when i say, "this is not edited". 

Intro/Biking

I've been riding my bicycle to work a lot lately. It's been nice to just clear my thoughts and just ride. It's about a 30 minute bike ride, so I get a lot of time to lament. Being that it's a half and hour ride, it does major chafing damage to my ball sack. There is constant friction between my balls and my bike seat. I might wear a maxi pad just to soften the blow. By the time I'm done with my bicycle ride, my balls are on fire from pain. They are tingling, not the good kind of tingle, the irritated tingle. Sorry, gold bond, your no match for this. But I'm doing my part. I'm going green and saving gas but also at the same time I'm increasing my chance of testicular road rash.

For the Love of the Game

So one night before I got ready for bed. I like how we say we have to “get ready” for bed. You mean lie down and close your eyes. Anyways, not the point of this journal entry. I had a hard time falling asleep one night. I realized it was because I had a huge boner. I mean my dick was begging me to jack off before bed. If it could talk it would've said,“please, look at me, down here”. I mean I was rock hard while in my queen sized bed just tossing and turning. Enough was enough. I finally give in and started stroking my meat. I was like “ok, I can do this”. I don't need a magazine or a porno site, I'll just use my imagination. So, a minute in which is approximetly 20-25 strokes, I gave up. Yeah, you heard me. I gave up. This was the first time in 14 years of beating off that I gave up. This was the first time I legitmtly gave up on my own pretense. There has been times where I had to stop in fear of being caught but this was on my own will. Now masterbation analysts are questioning my love for the jack game. I still love this sport, that's all I've known since my tween years. I don't know any other thing. I'm in this for life. So, if your questioning my passion. Think twice because I came back in a fury the next day.

It's National Mastercelebation Week

Here is the list of the days and how you can celebrate each day. Men everywhere celebrate this week yearly. It's a Mastercelebation!!!!!!

Masterbate Monday

Touch me Tuesday

Wack it Wednesday

Touch me again Thursday

Freak myself Friday

Sodomize me Saturday

Stroke it Sunday

How to solve martial disputes

I'm going to solve marriage disputes and lower the divorce rate in this country. You ask me, “How?”. Simple. Give each other head.  Its the lack of going down on each other that's hurting marriages everywhere. Give more spouse to spouse head. Right after work. People say they need to unwind after work. What a better way to unwind than to receive some dome. Next time you see an argument happen just go down. Tell'em Nude Dude sent ya!! Go down!!!

poop texts from my a guy named twat

Here are some texts from a buddy of mine named twat. He likes to talk about poop.

5/17/11 1:20pm- “I just found out you are supposed to use the crapper closet to the door. It is used the least”

5/19/11 7:25pm- “By the way I was traveling yesterday and I held my poo until 8pm”

5/19/11 7:28pm- “3 major poops today”

5/23/11 7:28am- “Think about how much poop you have pooped your whole life. If it was all in one place. Would it fill the whole bathroom?”

He does raise some very interesting and thought provoking questions. Really, think about how much poop you have pooped in your life? How much space would it take and why? I would love to know your thoughts.

Email me with your answers and why at nakednudedude@gmail.com and I'll put them on the next blog.

My Wonderful Weekend

Brewers vs Rockies Tailgate May 21^st, 2011

Me & My Buddy Aaron

3:00pm- We go to the liqour store and pick up a bottle of rum for $7.99, 12 pack of Schiltz, and a flask.

3:30pm- Were in line waiting to purchase $1 tickets. While waiting in line, this one guy calls me out for drinking schlitz. This is coming from a guy who is unshaven, smells like a wet otter, and is drinking Keystone Light. This guy had the audacity to tell me that Schlitz will give me gut rot but his beer, keystone light, is king of all beers. He goes on to tell us that he has 30 Keystone Lights in his backpack, he just got his Masters Degree, and that it's his last day of his bus pass so he has abused the hell out of it.

4:30pm- We tailgate with some friends, play a little bags, eat a few hot dogs, and chum it up.

6:30pm- We head into the game, as my flask is stuffed in my underwear. Yummm..... I love underwear booze!!!

7:30- We fill up our sodas with a flask each. There is about 8 ozs of Rum in my flask, so I dump it all in my soda which was $4.50. We find some random seats in the top row. We are feeling mighty good right now. During our stay in the upper deck, we look 2 rows up, and witness a young man puking in his seat. We talked to the fans next to us and they told us, 'yeah that's the second time that happened”.

He clears two rows of seating as know one wanted to sit by vomit. Understandable.

I lose track of time but we end up bumping into some random older folks. We find out there life story. They've been both divorced and remarried each other. He shows us a viagara pill which the wife does not about. Throughout the convo, this guy is bashing women which is not cool. As the wife leaves the conversation, he refers to her as a cunt. I end up getting this guy's number and give him the link to my buddy's podcast. We eventually leave this “happy” couple and continue our journey at Miller Park.

Later that Evening as Details get Fuzzy at  Nightclub...

-My buddy Aaron buys a round of shots to 3 ladies totaling $50. A few hours later we probably realize they were prostitutes

-I question my sexuality as a gay guy shows interest in me. I like the fact he is giving me attention. I probably lead him on all night. Towards the end of the night that same gay guy throws a whole drink at me and runs out the bar. The bouncer asks me if I know that guy. I decline and take a taxi home.

The End

Bloggy Smloggy 19

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Bloggy Smloggy 18

The First 2 Sentences

Well my blog is legal now, in that if my blog was a girl, you could legally do my blog. Enjoy, you wiener faces!!!

Ennie Meanie Minnie Ho

Who paved the way for teen sluts? Who started the teen slut craze? There has been a lot of debate in my head on who started the emergence of teen slutting. Here are some teen slut icons of our time, dating back to the 80s to the 2000s. It's a subject most writers don't want to approach, in that it's a very touchy subject that the cinematic world often glorifies in there movies. Here are some Actresses that have helped shape and mold High School Sluts in our society today.

Elizabeth Shue- She was opposite of a slut in Karate Kid. Yeah, she was rich and she dated Johnny from Cobra Kai Clan. But eventually she realized the good in Daniel La Russo. But that wasn't until Mr. Miyagi gave him that awesome car. So, in retrospect she is a gold digger not a slut because she didn't give it up to Danny. Good job Elizabeth!

Conclusion: Wholesome, not a ho, but a gold digger which is a attribute of a whore.

Lindsay Lohan- I never wanted to admit it, but d*mn't she's a slut. Just watch the movie Mean Girls. I mean its one of my favorite movies and all, but she was destined for sluttony. I talk about her way too much. She definitely gave new meaning to the teen romance genre.

Conclusion: Druggie, Slut, Drunk, Lesbo. All Ho qualities but I still love you.

Hillary Duff- She really shouldn't be considered in this genre. She has always been the good girl and always will. She was never the good girl turned bad. She is the good girl turned good again. Here's a list of movies during her teens that proves she is as innocent as a butterfly on a Sunday afternoon. The Lizzie McGuire Movie, Cheaper by the Dozen, A Cinderella Story and Cheaper by the Dozen 2. These are all family movies which I have all seen except the Lizzy McGuire Movie.

Conclusion: Your sweet and make family movies for all. She's a girl I could take home to mother. Teen Sluts envy her good girl image thus making high school hoes even more sluttier.

Amanda Bynes- She's on the bubble as teen slut. She got her start on Nickelodeon in shows such as All That and The Amanda Show. Then later went on to begin her movie career in What a Girl Wants and She's the Man. In She's the Man, she played a dude, so not slut like. She's as pure as honey from a jar from Winnie the Pooh.

Conclusion: Not a teen slut, a good role model. Another Keeper in my book. I would go half on a baby with her.

Olson Twins- They've been sluts since Full House. These hos been hoeing out since the invention of Hos. When In Rome, New York Minute, It Takes Two. Those movies were cover ups.

Conclusion: Dirty Rotten Ho Bags!! Your the reason why teen pregnancy and stds are at all time high!

Honorable Mentions:

Raven Symone- Not sure what her motives are, that's why she is a honorable mention. Thumbs Up Ho!

Alexis Bledel- She was a Gilmore Girl. She can suck it. I don't know who she is really.

Mandy Moore- Ehh she dece. She probably made one girl think twice about giving it up.

Selena Gomez- An up and comer. She might give Lindsay Lohan a run for her money for the slut title belt.

And the Winner Is........

Molly Ringwald- The Queen of them all. She was the original Teen Slut. She gave ginger girls hope that they would get laid in high school. She paved the way for the Lohan's, Duff's, and Olsen's. Without Ringwald none of you girls would be slutting in up in these coming to age movies. Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and The Breakfast Club. This is where it began girls. Do your homework. She is the Godmother, the Saint, the Patron of Whores. Lets give her a standing ovulation I mean ovation.

Suckit List from our Faithful Readers

Well, last week I asked you guys to send me in your Suckit Lists. Why not? Suckit lists are way better than Buckit Lists.

Here is a Suckit List from “The Funny Knipfer”

10.  Jasmine (from Aladdin - I agree )

9.  Any of the Price is Right girls

8.  Jessica Rabbit from Who Framed Roger Rabbit

7.  Minka Kelly - for obvious reasons

6.  April O'Neil

5.  Mo from GUTS

4.  The hot avatar from Avatar, but I'd rather connect tails than get head

3.  Michelle Obama

2.  Tapanga from Boy Meets World - not present day... back when she was in 4th grade

1.  Helen Keller

Wow! This blows my Suckit List out of the water. I thought I was creepy and weird until I read this. A lot of cartoon characters, a 4^th grader, and a blind/deaf person. I can't top that.  Jessica Rabbit is my sleeper pick in that list. Thanks for the post.

Here is a Suckit List from Kelly

1 Michael Jackson - if he was still living because i bet hes got moves

2 My boss - just to say my boss sucked me

3 A random dirty homeless man on the subway- because he would probably go to town on me

4 Obama -do i even need to say more?

5 Brad Pitt- he is sexier then a bitch

6 Spiderman - the thought of a superhero is sexy

7 Hugh Hefner- he knows every tick in the book

8 Guy from kiss with the long tongue - that's right ;-P

9 The nice man who wax my bikini line - he was really nice down there if you know what i mean, & i would not my mind a little lick from him

10 & i would let you give it a try ;-)

Thank you Kelly for giving us a girl's perspective. I'm a little upset I'm #10 on the list but I'm pretty sure I don't give a good going down on.  I agree with # 3, homeless people do give the best head.  I'm sure they would be trying to find there next meal in your vag rather than pleasuring you though.

Something I Just Thought of

Viagra Falls. Kind of like Niagara Falls. It's a fantasy world of unlimited amounts of Viagra for senior citizens. A society in where rampant senior sexual activity takes place. A place where derelicts just bang, bang, and you guessed it, bang.

Hooters

What's up with waitresses at Hooters? I feel like that's there pre stage to working at a titty bar aka gentleman's club. Which I have no clue why it's called a gentleman's club? Maybe, it's to make the low life losers who go there feel like they belong to some sort of 'elite gentlemen club', when in actuality it's not a club, it's basically a basement where naked women strip. But, I feel like Hooters Chicks are like trying this whole objectify me thing with clothes on before they take the leap to full on degradation. Hooters chicks are like the classy chicks with low self esteem with minor to mild daddy issues. I mean there are some girls at Hooters I would like to see naked at a titty bar. Come on girls, start feeling bad for yourself, have a kid, pay off your college loans so you can support your drug addiction by stripping away your clothes and your dignity, just so I can wave a $1 bill at you (which is probably counterfeit knowing me).

I'm the Biggest Dummy Head in the World

I'm so stupid. I'm the biggest dummy head in the world. I manually used an electronic toothbrush. Half way through I realized how stupid I was, and flipped the switch so my toothbrush could brush my teeth for me. God, I'm such a Idiot. I'm a moron. I'm pile of donkey balls. I'm the dumbest human alive.  I should be given a terminal illness.  I should be buried alive.  I can't believe I made such a goof ball move. When will I learn? I'm a Big Stupid Dummy Head to the 10^th power.

How I Interpret Sayings

What's that saying, I think it goes, “Behind every good man there's a good woman.” I don't know if I believe in that. That would mean the woman would have a strap on dildo and be doing that man. I think the saying should be “In front of every good man there's a woman” then that would mean you would doing her doggy style. Pretty Simple.

Coming Soon... Me, Literally

bloggy smloggy 17

Intro/ Polish Sausage

My breath is horrid because I just sucked down a polish sausage.  For some reason I had this urge to have a polish sausage.  So, you know what i did.  I took down that polish sausage and gave it hell.  I totally demolished that sausage.  There's nothing better than a polish sausage in my mouth.  I like polish sausages better than brats, hot dogs, or Italian sausages because they are longer and girthier.  Well, enough of my sausage talk.  Lets get into the blog.

A Bucket List is for Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson's

Screw a Bucket List. A Bucket List is something you want to do before you die. Well, there's not many things I want to accomplish before I die. But I do have a Suckit List. It's a list of all the girls in the world who I want to suck me off before I die.

Top 9 Suckit List (in no particular order)

Lindsay Lohan- In her prime when she was filming Mean Girls.

Kim Kardashian- Before she dated Ray J, Reggie Bush, Miles Austin, and random other Professional Athletes.

The lady from the Nanny- Something about those lips and her voice just excites me.

Erin Andrews- ESPN reporter. So I can say “my wiener was in her mouth” every time she is reporting a college football game.

Betty White- I've always wanted to get head from someone on the Golden Girls.

Jasmine (from Aladdin)- Jasmine is hot and you know it! Way better than the Little Mermaid!

An Old Elementary Teacher- You could tell all your friends you got head from your old math teacher.

Any girl from the Friends- I hate that show! But, most of the girls are hot except Phoebe.

Halle Berry- I respect her too much. I'll let her give me a hand j. Cross her off the list

Obviously, none of these girls are going to give me head, so I'll just default to every girl in the world for my Suckit List. Email me your suckit list and why and I'll post if for next blog. Email nakednudedude@gmail.com. I would like to have a girls perspective, if any girls read this. Please email me with your list.  

Little Things I get Nervous About: Checkout Lanes

I was at Target shopping for a few items, which eventually turned into a lot of items. I was not sure how many items I had but I had a basketful. I was ready to check out and I stared down the “10 items or less” checkout lane with animosity. Do I take the chance and pray to the Gods that I don't have more than 10 items? Or do I just play it safe and go to the regular checkout lane? Well, I tensed up and went to the regular checkup lane in fear of being frowned upon by the Target cashier. I was at the regular checkout lane and counted my items. There were only 9 items! “Godd*mn't!!” I said in my head.” I was pissed at myself, why did i do this?!?!. No worries although the self checkout lane was just as fast the “10 items or less lane”. But, it wasn't about going through the express lane. It was about if I had 10 items or less. This has been the first article about “Little Things I get nervous about”.

Hot Chicks

I was in the mall the other day and I noticed this very gorgeously hot woman. I stared for a brief second and we locked eyes. She kind of smirked at me, so I quickly looked away. Then, I told my friend who I was walking with," look at this chick, she is super hot". We made eye contact again and then she said, “Hey how's it going?” Then it hit me, I know this chick. It ended up being my friend's girlfriend. I knew she wasn't hitting on me. How foolish can I be? Did I really think this chick was hitting on me? But I still got the placebo effect of feeling good that she knew me, even though she wasn't hitting me, nonetheless, I was talking to a hottie mchotterson. I felt great. It's truly awesome to know hot chicks because they sure boost your self esteem. You also feel really cool around them because pedestrians around you might mistakenly think your dating her. Thank you hot chick at the mall for talking to me and making me look real cool at the mall in front of my friend.

Awesome Fact

You know its legal to date someone who was born in 1990 all the way up to 1993. I mean I never thought of the day. God bless America.

No Need to Excuse Yourself

Current Events

Fast Five- I'm not sure how they made 5 of these movies. Somehow... somehow... They are still making Fast & Furious movies. Apparently Vin Diesel is a huge draw. But I'm not surprised at all, I guess. Horrible acting +fast cars+things that blow up+ chicks with big tits+ very little to no plot so the audience can follow and not think about anything+ quirky not so funny one liners that try to be witty + The Rock or Vin Diesel = the greatest movie ever made.

Spam mail

Why is meet mature experienced women in my spam mail? That should be in my regular inbox. I want to meet mature experienced women. Why is Meet Asian singles in my spam box as well? I want to find quality Asian singles. What the heck? I want to find cougars on the Internet. Hey Yahoo! Yeah, you Mr. Yahoo. Stop putting these meet me dating site emails in my spam folder. What if I'm lonely and want to meet singles around the area? I usually just delete my spam folder but not anymore, there's a goldmine of single seniors, cougars, and Asians on this site.

Recession Free Tip of the Week

Don't poop at home before work. I don't care if it takes you 1 hour to get to work. Save that poop for the workplace. Your saving on toilet paper and the cost of the flush of the toilet. Now, that might add up to about 20-30 cents per day but if you do that daily at work. Imagine the savings involved. Your saving a $1 a week, $ 4 a month, and $48 per year. Think of what you can do with an extra $48? You can buy international pornography, an expensive bottle of liquor and drink Manhattan's, or get box of magnums and masturbate in them. You can buy the world!!

Twos